MYSTERY USENET THEATRE 3000 PRESENTS... "The Search of the Mystic Crown" Part 1 BY: Monica Silva MSTED BY: Chris Ratcliff NOTES: Well, this one is quite short. Monica hasn't written much yet so I'm interested to see where this one will go... [Int. SOL] Crow: You'd have to have Largo. He'd be the short Shang Tsung type. [Mike enters] Mike: Hey guys, what's up? Tom: Oh, hi Mike. Crow: We're just discussing what Monkey Island characters would be suitable for a Street Fighter 2 style beat-em-up. Tom: Okay, let's sum up so far. The Sword Master is a character - plenty of sword swishing action. Same with Elaine. Crow: How about we make them twins? Tom: Hey, that'll save on the artwork! Good idea. Mike: What? One's white and the other's black! Crow: So we tint one, big deal. Tom: Stan's in. Those whirling arms are deadly. Murray as well. He's the token wuss everyone can beat. Mike: Why him? Tom: Well, how much harm can you do with just an arm and a head? Mike: Okay. What else have you come up with? Tom: Oh, this is cool. See, Guybrush is one of the characters, and to access his secret moves you have to type in an insult! Crow: It was my idea. Tom: Meathook's the big burly one. Herman can be the strange Eastern mysticism one. Mike: So, what, you're just running through the cliches. Crow: Hey, it beats have to think about this. Tom: And finally, LeChuck as the big boss guy! See, it all fits together. Mike: [shakes head] You should work for LucasArts, Tom... [Light flashes] [Deep 13] Dr. F: Ah, I see you're all waiting for this week's experiment. You're not actually starting to enjoy this, are you, Nelson? Because if you're developing a masochistic streak, I'm going to have to make some drastic changes around here... [SOL] Mike: I thought you were the masochistic one. [Deep 13] Dr. F: That's sadism, Mike. And speaking of which, your story for today is "The Search of the Mystic Crown" by some net individual called Monica Silva. Don't enjoy it - that way I will. [SOL: Lights, noise, pandemonium] All: WE'VE GOT STORY SIGN! [6...5...4...3...2...1...] >The search of the mystic crown Crow: So a crown goes searching for... something. Sounds interesting. Mike: Well, it is a *mystic* crown... >- by Monica Silva > > Part 1: The story of the helmet's crown Mike: Helmet's crown? What exactly is that? > Many years ago: Tom: In the days before Reality TV... > --Look out mateys.We are being atacked by pirates. Crow: [other pirate] But we're pirates! Tom: [speaker] Oh yeah. Forgot. Mike: I know it's early, and I don't want to sound too pessimistic, but I don't think this is going to be a good one. > The ship shock > wend another canon ball hit it. Mike: They're being attacked by the Roman Catholic Church! > FIRE!-yelled the captain. > --Captain-yelled a sailor-The pirates are bording us.In a few > moments all the crew had been capture and the treasure too. Crow: The treasure's been captured? How will it cope behind bars? Tom: I don't know about you, but I'm feeling a bit borded. > On the > enemy ship the pirates were discussing who would keepa beatifull > crown Mike: [Bad Italian accent] Now who'sa gonna keepa dis b-ee-aa-uutiful crown? > that was on the treasure: > --I'll keep it -- said a pirate. > --Over my dead body-said another. > They did so much noise that the captain showed up on deck. > --What's all this racket about?-he asked. > --It's them ,captain. All: Who? Crow: Some names might be handy here. Mike: This fic needs a lot more than names, Crow. > They are discussing because a crown. > --A crown -- said the captain-well since they don't get to a > solution,i'll keep it. > --Yes sir,captain Lechuck Mike: Gasp! It's LeChuck! And what a dramatic entrance, too! > --said the pirates ,whille the captain > returned to is cabine. Crow: Now we're in French. > On is cabine ,the captain looked the crown > Asking himself what to do with it. > --I think i saw this crown somewere before-he said-but i don't > rebember were...Wait a minute,I know were --he said,snaping is > fingers Mike: Ouch... Tom: [LeChuck] Damn osteoporosis... > -in my book of voodoo spells.He got up and got is book about > voodoo spells.He opend it and read: > " Magic crown that can heal or kill,depending on who's using it." Mike: There it is. The vaguest, lamest plot device in all of history. I'm in awe. > --Well this intresting-he thought. Crow: That makes- Mike: Been there, done that. > --Land ahoy- said a pirate-it's Bulky Island. > --Bulky Island-thought the captain-what a perfect place to bury a > treasure. > --Prepare your selfs,you scurvy dogs-he said-were going ashore , > bury a treasure. Tom: Kill the pig! Mike: Spill its blood! > Two hours after,the crewhad already buried the treasure,but the > crown still was on the captain's cabine. Tom: "On"? Crow: TOGG!! > Wend the crew got back to the ship,the captain had already set a > course to Skeleton Island. > Wend they arrived at Skeleton Island,the captain went alone Mike: You'd certainly hope so! > ,since > he had told to is crew that he had bussiness on the island,and he > took the crown with him and said: > --This will stay here until I need it.After this, he returned to the > ship and made a map whitch contained the location of the two > Island,and the two treasures.After this he left the island. Tom: Using the ship, presumably. > For many years ,the crown staied hide and even,wend the treasure of > Bulky Island,they never found Skeleton Island or the crown. Mike: [clutches head] My head hurts... Tom: Who are 'they'? Why don't they use the map LeChuck made? How can a whole island disappear? What happened to the treasure of Bulky Island? WHAT'S GOING ON?? Crow: Why are you even bothering to work it out? Tom: Good point. > Many years pass: Tom: Monica just found the fast-forward button. > Deep in the Carabbien: Mike: 'Caribbean' is misspelled. That really sums it up. > Monkey Island > --Wake up ,you buffons-said a skeleton-captain Lechuck is coming > this way. > The skeletons got up,whille a ice demon came their direction. > --Alrigth ,you minghy dogs, Crow: Get out there and get me a spellchecker! Now! -he said-I want you to form a small group > and go look for map.Sais the legend Tom: Is it really possible for a legend to develop after only a few years? > that the map disappiered but > that's not true. I don't care how do you do it but find me the map > of the Lost Crown.And if on your way you find Guybrush and Elaine > bring them to me alive. > --Yes sir-said the skeletons-right away sir. > --Soon-thought Lechuck-I'll have the crown, and wend I do ,I'll > finish Guybrush for good , and take Elaine as my wife.Hehehehe. Mike: You call that a maniacal laugh? Crow: It's LeChuck, the giggling assassin! > Menwille on Melée Island: > Guybrush and Elaine were at home,in the living room. Tom: Sounds like the opening scene of a sitcom. > Elaine was > loooking at some books wille Guybrush was reading the newspaper. > --Guybrush -she said-look at this book I found.It's a book about > crowns. [Mike slaps his cheeks in mock disbelief] Mike: Amazing!! What a coincidence! > --That's interesting-he said-let-me have a look at it Tom: [Guybrush] Incidentally, I've never been interested in crowns in my life. > --And the funny is Crow: Not here. > ,that this book wasn't here before-she continued. Mike: [Elaine] It's almost as if... it were contrived here. > --Are sure-said Guybrush. Tom: Sure an begorrah! > --Positive-said Elaine. > Guybrush opened the book and read: > "Helmet's Crown, Mike: Okay, so not only does he coincidentally find a book about crowns, he coincidentally reads the entry on the *very* crown which LeChuck will no doubt try to kill him with! That's got to be the worst plot contrivance ever! Tom: You said that earlier. Mike: This is worse! > also nown as the lost crown,can heal or kill any > thing to it's powers. It was stollen by pirates and buried on a > deserted island,called :Skeleton Island. Crow: That's it? Short book. Tom: They've got the Readers Digest condensed edition. > --Interesting- Mike: [Guybrush] How did these illiterate scribblings get into print and what are they doing in our library? Intriguing... > he tought- Bots: AAARGH! Mike: What is it? Tom: [shaking] That's... that's an Oscarism! An Oscarism in a Monkey Island fanfic! Oscar's back! Crow: [likewise] And remember the crown being ON the cabin! That's two! Mike: Look, just keep it calm. They're probably just generic mistakes. Tom: [recovering] Well, okay. But if any cats show up, I am SO outta here... > very interesting... Tom: [Elaine] Guybrush, you're trailing off again. > Knock...knock..knock.. Crow: Sounds like the old Chevy needs a service. > --I'll get it-said Elaine,as she rushed to the door. > --How is it-asked Guybrush. Mike: The door? About the same as usual, I guess. Tom: Elaine rushed it a moment ago... Crow: She probably came off second best. > Wend Elaine openedthe door,she was suprised that wasn't nobody at > the door, Tom: So, cancel out the double negative, and Elaine's surprised that someone's at the door. Crow: I think the Elaine from this fanfic would be surprised by the sun rising in the morning. > except for a letter on the grown, Mike: Gown? Crow: Ground? Tom: It could be cherry syrup for all we know. > direct to them. > --Strange-she tought,as she picked the letter and got back inside. > --Who was it-Guybrush. Tom: Verbs? We doan' need no steenkin verbs! > --I don't know-she answered --they only let this letter directed to > us. > --Open and read it-he asked. > Elaine opened the letter and read: > "To: Guybrush Threepwood and Elaine Marley -Treepwood Mike: Hey! She married the wrong guy! Tom: Elaine's been two-timing behind Guybrush's back! > From: A friend. Tom: Well, that narrows it down. Crow: Quite considerably. > You both are in great danger.Lechuck is back and he want's to > recover the lost crown to use it againt you. Mike: [Guybrush] Say, is that the same crown we were just reading about earlier? Crow: [Elaine] I think so, yeah! Mike: [Guybrush] Wow, that is some coincidence! Crow: [Elaine] I'll say. Almost unbelievable! > If you want to find out > more about the crown,come meet me at Theft Island. > Yours Truly: > A friend." > --What's this supose to mean-asked Elaine. Mike: Your guess, dear Elaine, is as good as mine. > --I don't know,but we have to go to Theft Island and meet this > friend. Tom: So neither of them consider the possibility that this might just be some practical joke? Crow: Nah, LeChuck mysteriously resurrecting himself while a suspicious "friend" warns them about a crown they happened to be reading about only a few minutes ago in a book they haven't even seen before is MUCH MORE PLAUSIBLE!!! > Guybrush and Elaine prepared their ship and took of to Theft > Island,taking the book about crowns and the letter.Guybrush was a > bit worried .He knew that Lechuck would come after them, Mike: No proof needed for Guybrush - he just knew! > to kill him > and get Elaine.But that wouldn't happen.He wouldn't let that happen. Crow: And on that very dramatic note... 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