MYSTERY USENET THEATRE 3000 PRESENTS... "The Search for the Mystic Crown" Part 2 BY: Monica Silva MSTED BY: Chris Ratcliff MSTER NOTES: Well, this is even shorter and more pointless than the first chapter. Anyway, on with the show! [Int. SOL] Crow: Strange how we've seen this plot device so many times before. Guybrush and Elaine are happily married when they get a mysterious letter, so they set off on an island-crossing voyage and meet lots of cast members. Tom: Well, you have to look at it from the perspective of the author. Guybrush and Elaine aren't adventurers, they're not "for hire" or anything like that. You've got to have some way of getting them into the action. I think it's coincidence. Mike: So, who do you think sent that letter? Tom: Herman? Crow: Dwarfbeard? Mike: Try some original character perhaps... Tom: The Voodoo Lady? The "mysterious" bit would suit her. Crow: Stan? No, scratch that. Otis? Uh, no. Wait... Mike: I think it's Largo. He always turns up. Tom: [sarcastic] Yeah, Mike. Great call. I reckon it's Wally. Can't write a Monkey Island fanfic without Wally. Crow: Murray perhaps? Or- Mike: Too late, it's starting! [6...5...4...3...2...1...] > The search of the mystic crown > - by Monica Silva > Part 2: Theft Island > When they arrived at Theft Island,Guybrush asked Elaine,that she > went to register the ship on the docks,while he was going to a walk > on the town. Tom: Huh? What happened to Guybrush's question? Mike: The rogue commas swallowed it up. > --We meet here at 3 o'clock -she said-don't get late. > --I won't -he said. > While he was walking in the town,a house called his attention. Mike: [house] Yoo-hoo! Over here! > On a > plaque it said: > "Fortune teller and curse cures" > The house was made of wood and it had many bones and skulls > decorating it.He looked at a skull said: > --Murray.Long time no see. > --I'm not speking to you. Tom: [Murray] Or speaking, either! > You chose that stupid anchor instead of me > in the carnival of the damed.-said Murray. > --You known that i prefer you more than the anchor.But i need the > anchor. Tom: Even now, apparently. > Besises Mike: What's that? Tom: I don't know, but I don't think you're allowed to do it in public. > i returned to the shelf to get you but you weren't > there.Camon,let's be friends again. Crow: New character? Where'd he come from? Tom: [Camon] Okay, but who the hell are you? > --I will be your friend again,if you do me a favor.-said Murray. > --What's that-asked Guybrush. Mike: favor, noun: a kind act; something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than for remuneration. I can see how you'd be unfamiliar with the concept. Crow: It's the man without a conscience from Monkey Island 2. > --Kill yoursellf and give me your body.-answered Murray. Tom: Well, he can do the first, but that might make the second a little harder to accomplish. > --What ???-said Guybrush. > --Just kidding-said Murray-What i realy want is that you take-me Crow: Murray moves fast, doesn't he? > with you. > --Oh,ok-said Guybrush picking up Murray Tom: Alas, poor Yorick- Mike: Nope. No bad Hamlet gags. Tom: Darn. > and entering the house.He > walked into the direction of a chair. Crow: [Guybrush] Boy, I'm tired. > On a chair was a woman that > smiled to him. Tom: What? No distinguishing features? Mike: I guess Monica assumes we all know what the Voodoo Lady looks like. Crow: Besides, "smiling at Guybrush" counts as a distinguishing feature anyway. > --Guybrush Threepwood.-she said-It's been a long time since you last > visited me. Mike: Isn't that always the way? The grandparents go in the home and then everyone forgets about them. > --Do i know you from somewere?-asked Guybrush . > --Yes you do.I told you how to defeat Lechuck two times and how to > save Elaine from that evil curse.-she said. Tom: Here's the bill. > --Oh yes-he said-I remember you now. Crow: [Guybrush] Damn short term memory loss... > You are the Voodoo Lady. Mike: I don't think she needs to be reminded, Guybrush. >How are you doing? > --Fine-she said.Probaly you already know that Lechuck is back. > --Unfortunaly yes-he said-and i also know > that is loking for a crown. Tom: [Voodoo Lady] What? Crow: [Guybrush] Uh... just let me work out what I said. > --Yes-she said-he's loking Mike: He's loking with intent! > for Helmet's crown. Tom: Is it a helmet, or a crown? We still haven't had any description yet. Crow: What kind of stupid name is Helmet, anyway? > --What can you tell me about this crown? -asked Guybrush. > --All i can say is that the magic crown of > helmet is a very powerful and dangerous object of the voodoo > magic.It can kill or heal anyone or anything. Mike: Yes, we ALREADY KNOW THIS BIT! We went over it last chapter! > If Lechuck get's his > hands on the crown,you will die.-aswered de Vodoo Lady. Tom: It's de Vodoo Lady, mon! Mike: Wow, the range of languages is getting broader and broader. What's next, Swahili? Crow: I think it's already in Swahili. > --That's horrible!-said Guybrush-I've got to get it first .Thank's > Voodoo Lady. Tom: [Author] Go on... do it! > Guybrush got out of the house and looked at the clock tower.-3 o > 'clock-he thougt-Elaine is going to kill me. Crow: This should be interesting... Mike: You really think so? Crow: Leave me my illusions, Mike. I don't think I can face cold hard reality at the moment. > He ran as fast as he > could to the meeting point,were Elaine aready was. > --Guybrush-she said-were have you been.I'm wainting for teen > minutes. [Mike and Tom burst out laughing] Crow: Translation: I've been waiting for ten minutes. What's so funny? > --I've been on the voodoo lady's house-he said Tom: That crazy Guybrush and his roof climbing antics! Crow: TOGG!! > ,trying to catch is > breath-Look you I found there. Crow: Translation... Uhh... I give up. > He tock murray out of is pocket Mike: It's Murray, the pocket-sized skull! > and show him to Elaine. > --Murray-she said-now this is a suprise. How are the things on the > undeaded side. > --Well things could be worse-said Murray-but thank's for asking. Tom: The dialogue sparkles. > --Ok- she said.And turning yerself to Guybrush Mike: [does double take] The narrator's speaking in pirate lingo? Crow: No, I think we've moved on to Tagalog now. Tom: It would explain why everything's so... so... Mike: Inexplicable? Tom: Yeah. > ,she said: > --We got to find who wrote that letter to us. Tom: [Sarcasm sequencer] Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant plan! She's a genius! Give her a hand, folks! Mike: Haven't heard you use that thing in a while, Tom. Sounds good. > --Let's go-said Guybrush-on the way i will > tell you what the vodoo lady toll me about the crown. Mike: [Guybrush] Beware, it doesn't make any sense. Crow: So, that it for this chapter? Tom: That's got to be one of the most pointless chapters ever written. It only seemed to be there to get Murray into the story. Crow: And we didn't even find out who sent the letter. Mike: I guess that's coming up next chapter. Crow: Wonderful. [1...2...3...4...5...6...] -------------------------------------------------------------------- Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and [c] 199X by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or anyone else is intended or should be inferred. This post is for amusement only and should not be seen as a personal attack on Monica Silva. TO BE CONTINUED...