SPACE PIRATES

Part 1: The Boring Exposition Bit

That was the year, 2300, when the dreams of a thousand sci-fi writers were 
fulfilled, and the Earth switched to 'credits' as the universal currency. 
There was no other option: everybody owed everybody else more money than in
fact existed, and so the whole monetary scale was inverted. The real
measure of economic success was not how much you owned, but how much you
owed.

But change had been coming for many years now. Four decades before, the
HyperInflatory Drive was invented, a sub-40kg device that could propel
craft at speeds greater than light. Hobbyists bought them in droves, and
retrofitted their cars, hover transports, and motorised bipeds. And the
first great era of space colonisation got underway.

It had been a long time coming. For centuries, with interplanetary travel
well within humanity's scientific reach, not a single flight had gone
further than Mars. The great helium reserves of Jupiter, the metal ore of
Saturn's moons, iron oxide on Mercury: all was unexploited. Large companies
refused to even launch exploratory vessels, citing the enormous risk.

That was then; this is now. The HyperInflatory drive opened up not just the
solar system but the whole *galaxy*, to any tough guy with a small wad of
dough. It was lawless out there - space pirates, as they were called, made
a living by trading in metals and information. And they spread further and
further, until only the wildest rumours came back to Earth: tales of
planets built from raw titanium, pirate gangs waging interstellar war, even
hidden wormholes to the very edge of the Universe. Nobody believed a word
of it.

It didn't matter to Guybrush. In his agile needlefighter Boss Hog, he was
out there already.

Coming next week... No more boring exposition (straight into it!)

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 2: The Ropes

Guybrush hunched over the flight yoke, gently nudging Boss Hog left or
right as he flew through the asteroid belt. Finally he relaxed, sat back,
and set the controls to autopilot.

He turned to Wally, the short red haired kid sitting in the copilot seat.
Wally, his feet barely reaching the edge of the seat, stared forward with a
narrow gleam in his eyes. A second flight yoke was positioned in front of
him, and Wally held onto it with pudgy, determined hands.

For the first time, Guybrush wondered why he'd taken this kid on.

"Not bad," he said to Wally. "You've got the steering down pretty well,
and after a few more hours-"

But he didn't get a chance to finish. A large red light on the roof had
begun to flash, and a speaker beeped thinly. Instantly Guybrush forgot
about Wally. He swung around and glanced sharply at the console.

There was a green blip on the radarscope. "Aha," said Guybrush. "A type F
needlefighter." He nudged Boss Hog's speed up. "Wally, I think it's time
you got some combat skills."

Wally's confidence instantly dried up. He looked worriedly at Guybrush.
"But... but... we aren't in any condition to fight. None of the weapons
systems are ready."

"Relax, Wally," said Guybrush, as they gained on the craft.

Wally grew more nervous. "A type F needlefighter has permanently charged
laser beams, automatic missile deflection and timewarp weapons!" he said,
quoting his extensive starfighter memory. "We can't-"

"Calm down, Wally," said Guybrush. "I'm got a few combat tricks up my
sleeve, stuff you don't find out in the manuals."

They were close enough now to actually see the type F needlefighter ahead.
It was just rocketing along in a straight line, as if the pilot hadn't seen
them. Wally knew better - type F needlefighters had ten times the
surveillance of this antiquated wreck. Most probably, it didn't give a damn
about them.

Guybrush hit a few switches. There was a mechanical groaning beneath them,
almost as loud as Wally's. Carbon energy-seeking missiles. He couldn't
believe it. There must be a thousand pirate starships out there, and he had
to pick a ride with the one who was still using carbon missiles. They were
slow. Unreliable. You could knock out their guidance system with even a
hint of chaff. And this idiot wanted to use them to take down a type F
needlefighter!

Wally tried to make himself inconspicuous. Not that it would help. The
moment that needlefighter saw them attack, it would vaporize this whole
ship.

Guybrush flicked on the intercom! Wally's teeth started chattering.

There was a face on the intercom, huge and brutish.

"My name is Guybrush Threepwood," said Guybrush. "Prepare to die."

He released the missile. With a whoosh that seemed to lurch the whole ship
backward, it sped toward its target.

Coming next week... Unseen events.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 3: A second attack

Wally clapped his hands over his eyes. They were doomed.

The brutish figure on the intercom laughed. "Haw haw haw! Guybrush
Threepwood! I thought we'd seen the last of you in the Vacos wars. And
what's this? A carbon missile?" Wally winced. "Speeding straight toward
me!" continued the brutish figure, in mock horror. "Gosh, I hope this chaff
button still works-" His arm moved downward. Then it stopped. "There are no
clever moves that can help you now," said the brutish figure ominously. A
finger stabbed downward.

Guybrush said, "Yes there are. You just never learned them."

The brutish figure suddenly stopped, puzzled, as the insult hit home.
His arm wavered. "Ummm," he said, suddenly stuck for an appropriate retort.

The carbon missile struck. The ship exploded, in a cloud of white dust.
Static on the intercom.

"Amateur," said Guybrush dismissively. He flew forward.

Wally opened his eyes. They were alive, and the type F needlefighter was
space dust! What had happened?

"Let's see what cargo he was carrying," said Guybrush. He flew over the
still-expanding cloud of debris, watching the scanner.

"Wow," said Wally, as Guybrush halted over a large red mass. "That was
incredible! How did you do that?"

"The secret of space combat," said Guybrush, bringing Boss Hog down. "A
good insult always catches your opponent off guard, and you can bring him
down."

He opened the cargo doors. Tiny tractor beams pulled the red mass inside,
and the doors shut again. "Interesting," said Guybrush, bringing Boss Hog
up again.

Wally wasn't listening. There was a glow in his eyes. He leant forward,
pressed a few buttons, and the flight yoke was in his hands.

Guybrush was about to say something then figured, Well, he knows what he's
doing. Let him fly. Besides, Guybrush wanted to investigate that red object
in the hold.

He stood up. The door behind them opened on a narrow metal hallway, two
doors on either side, a doorway at the back, and a metal ladder leading up
and down. Guybrush climbed down, into another hallway, grimed in oil. The
second door on the left opened on a dark area. Guybrush hit a switch and
the cargo bay area was illuminated.

It was about the size of a garage. There was a whole lot of junk in the
corners, also like a garage. But right in the centre, sitting on the closed
cargo doors, was an irregular reddish rock, the size of a small car.

Guybrush came forward, slowly. The rock seemed to gleam in the light, its
edges sparkling with reflected light. He'd never seen anything like it.
Guybrush reached for the rock. It was smooth, and slightly dusty. When he
drew his hand back it was covered in red dust.

He didn't have the slightest clue what this was. But it looked valuable.
Maybe very valuable.

Guybrush spent the next half hour exploring the properties of the rock. For
one, it was tough. Even his most powerful equipment was unable to split it.
Despite the thick coating of dust, machine sanders didn't make a dent in
it. It was also, paradoxically, pretty light. Guybrush couldn't lift it,
but he could push it along the floor without too much effort.

What other strange properties did this rock have? Guybrush didn't have time
to investigate, because at that moment the entire ship was rocked by a
laser blast.

Coming next week... The Last Starfighter.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 4: Wally proves himself

Guybrush picked himself up and pelted up the ladder. Boss Hog groaned
around him, like a huge tin elephant suddenly awakened from sleep. Nuts
screamed and bolts twisted as Guybrush ran down the hallway, full tilt
toward the cabin. Something was burning, somewhere, and thin tendrils of
smoke curled along the ceiling.

Guybrush threw open the cabin door.

Wally was at the controls, looking a bit puzzled. And there in the
viewscreen, seemingly filling it from one side to the other, was a whole
fleet of pirate vessels. They were roaring directly for Boss Hog, with a
spiralling network of laser fire eager to beat them to the punch.

Guybrush didn't stand there rooted still with shock - space pirates prone
to nerves or indecision didn't stay pirates for long. He lunged forward,
and grappled with the steering yoke. Boss Hog twisted up and around,
weaving a sinuous, entirely instinctive path through the curtain of laser
bolts.

Now they were pointed away from the fleet, which was visible in the rear
viewscreens. Guybrush opened the throttle.

"What are we running for?" said Wally, who looked annoyed at Guybrush's
sudden seizure of the situation. "Let's fight them!"

Guybrush was scanning the viewscreens, dodging Boss Hog to avoid laser
bolts, and didn't look up. "That's not a fight, that's suicide," he said.
"What on earth did you think you were doing?"

"Well," said Wally, "I saw a blip on the radarscope, and thought I'd try
and attack him. Then the blip sort of turned into a whole group of blips,
and then the fleet showed up."

"Well, we might just get out of this alive," said Guybrush, still looking
down at the viewscreens. "But that's the last time I leave you alone in the
cabin. In fact, next stop I might just leave you behind."

Wally looked at him disbelievingly. Then he acted. He reactivated his
steering yoke, and pulled them around in a full u-turn.

Guybrush nearly fell over. He looked up, to see Wally sending them straight
into the heart of the pirate swarm. "Aargh!" screamed Guybrush. On the
viewscreen, a thousand laser bolts flew directly at them. Guybrush ducked
and rolled into the corner, awaiting the worst.

Wally, in a rapid jerk of his arm, brought Boss Hog to a standstill.
Anything not physically tied down crumpled up in one corner of the cabin,
the corner with Guybrush in it. Wally hit switches and brought the
throttle back. They reversed.

Guybrush poked his head out of the mess. On the viewscreen, he could see
those same thousand laser bolts, spearing toward their ship. But they
weren't getting any closer. Wally was outrunning them! Backwards!

Wally hit a few switches, then experimentally nudged Boss Hog left and
right. On the viewscreen, Guybrush saw the mass of laser bolts similarly
duck left and right. Lasers didn't have guidance systems - they should fly
in a straight line. It almost looked like Wally was leading them. Did he
have some kind of tractor beam on all that energy?

Wally flicked Boss Hog a full hundred and eighty degrees, the lasers
following in a sharp curve. Guybrush nearly lost his neck. Now they were
flying for the pirate swarm, a cloud of laser bolts at their tail.

They dived into the heart of the swarm, at speeds Guybrush didn't know his
ship was capable of. Wally worked the steering yoke like a demon, pitching
them left and right and up and down. And one by one the laser bolts pulled
behind them found a target. One pirate ship exploded, as Wally circled
tightly around it. More detonated as they circled back and back again. The
return fire was weak and sporadic. The pirates couldn't get a lock on
Wally. They probably couldn't even see him, until it was too late.

Guybrush, squashed up in the corner, couldn't help but be gobsmacked, even
though sitting in this cabin was like being trapped on Satan's
rollercoaster. Wally was taking on a whole pirate fleet, and winning! This
would be something to tell the kids.

There were now just two ships left. Wally ran a collision course with them,
then ducked at the last minute. The two laser bolts following him, however,
ran smack into their targets. Pirate fleet down.

It was then that Guybrush saw the cruiser. Somewhat behind the pirate
fleet, it was a sleek black craft about four times the size of Boss Hog.
Seeing it Guybrush felt a sudden chill, although going on what had just
happened Wally would be able to deal with a ship ten times as big.

Boss Hog stopped dead.

It was that sudden. One moment they were zooming along, all going well,
then everything stopped. Wally hit some buttons, growing more frantic as
they failed to budge. Guybrush got up and tried a few, but there was no
response. He looked up again to the black craft. It was a lot closer.

In the complete stillness of the cabin, Guybrush became aware of a red
glow. It was seeping in from under the cabin door. He remembered the fire.

The black ship opened up a comm link with Boss Hog. From the speakers, the
pilot spoke. And the voice, the horribly familiar voice, seemed to cut all
of Guybrush's nerves.

"Guybrush."

Coming next week... Old enemies.

			
			SPACE PIRATES


Part 5: The Dread Upchuck

"Guybrush."

Guybrush's hand reacted faster than his brain. It whipped into his pocket,
pulled out his blaster, and shot in the comm screen. Sparks flew from the
console, as electricity discharged itself.

Still going on pure reaction, Guybrush turned and pulled open the passage
door. For a second time, Guybrush remembered the fire. It was right before
him, almost up to the doorway.

Smoke poured into the room.

Wally was up behind him. "Run!" said Guybrush. He pelted forward, leaping
the flames where they licked along the floor. They crashed through smoke,
bounced off the walls, and ended up in a junction of passages. Fire seemed
to be coming from everywhere. It was an assault of orange light and hungry,
crackling sound that came from everywhere.

"Move! Move! Move!" shouted Guybrush.

"Move where?" said Wally.

Guybrush was momentarily at a loss. "Over there!" he finally spluttered.

They ran over there.

"Now where?"

"Keep moving!"

"But it's a dead end."

It was. They had in fact ended up in front of the broom closet. They were
trapped, hemmed in by a wall of flame only twelve feet away.

There was nothing to be done. Helpless, Guybrush and Wally just stood
there, watching the flames turn the passage floor into dripping metal,
hearing the ship disintegrating around them. They waited for the end...


Upchuck sat back, steepling his fingers and smiling.

He hadn't expected that. Guybrush would rather shoot up his comm link than
talk to him! Upchuck could understand that, but only up to a point. There
was nothing he would rather do than talk to Guybrush, preferably with
Guybrush in a huge pit full of ten foot spikes.

Still, there remained the question of what to do now. The ship was just
sitting there, its controls deadened by Upchuck's sophisticated magnetic
weaponry, but it would not do to leave Guybrush alone. He could surprise
you sometimes with his off-the-wall ingenuity.

Upchuck released the magnets, and flew toward Guybrush's prone
ship...


Coming next week... how do they get out of this one?


			SPACE PIRATES


Part 6: Out of the frying pan...

The flames licked closer. The heat was a solid thing now, literally shoving
them back from the wall of fire. They were right up against the far side 
of the passage now. No way out.

Then Guybrush looked up, and saw one.

He leapt, fist clenched, and punched open the air ventilation duct. A thin 
grate of metal clattered onto the floor. Ignoring Wally's protests, Guybrush 
picked the short pirate up and threw him into the gap. Then he jumped, 
grasping the sides of the opening, and pulled himself up.

They were in a tiny flat metal passage, full of smoke and noise. Guybrush  
pushed Wally forward. The metal beneath them yawed and cracked like a set of 
old floorboards, the heat below twisting them into new positions.

They scurried along, the passage neither heading left nor right. Guybrush's
palms were already raw and blistering from the initial pull into the
ventilation system. It didn't seem to be getting any cooler. The noise was
the worst. Around him, Guybrush could hear his ship collapsing.

Suddenly Wally screamed, and vanished. Guybrush tried to stop, but he was
too late. The floor gave way.

Or so it seemed. In actual fact Wally and Guybrush had found a ventilation
shaft, a vertical metal passage that ran from the very bottom of the ship,
at the hold, to the upper air-regulation machinery. From their position, it
was a drop ten metres straight to the floor below. This would have meant
certain death had the ventilation shaft ended in the hold ceiling, but in
actual fact it curved around and exited horizontally through a wall. So
instead of flattening themselves on the floor, Guybrush and Wally rocketed
out of the hold wall, arms flailing uselessly, hit the floor, bounced up,
hit it again, and skidded along, finally crashing into the far wall.

A set of tools hung on this wall wobbled, then overbalanced. Guybrush and
Wally screamed.

Finally, it seemed all was still. Guybrush and Wally stood up, groaning.
Though they could still hear the noise of the fire, down here it was cool.
And no smoke.

There was a sudden crash, almost as if lightning had struck. A huge
squalling noise came, passing directly overhead. Guybrush's hair stood on
end, as he realised what was about to happen.

The fire had breached the hull. In a matter of seconds, this whole ship
would be a depressurized wreck.

Even as the thought came, air started streaming past his face. It was
heading towards one point.

The gaping ventilation shaft.

As one, Guybrush and Wally picked up a metal plate. They ran for the shaft,
and flung the plate over the opening. With a noise like the last milk being
sucked out with a straw, the suction pulled the plate flush over the
opening, completing the seal.

The plate buckled inward. Then it held.

Guybrush slumped against the wall, his legs suddenly weak. The rest of the
ship was a burnt-out wreck, they had no means of navigation, and the air in
here would probably last about six hours, but they were still alive.

Then he remembered UpChuck.

Coming next week... the art of escape.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 7: The art of escape.

"We're doomed," said Guybrush hollowly.

"Stop saying that," said Wally. He was looking around the hold area for
something useful. So far, nothing had turned up.

He looked at the large red rock in the middle of the floor. "What's this?"
he asked. "Don't remember seeing this before."

"It's just something I picked up from the last pirate we killed," said
Guybrush morosely. "Who cares anyway? We're all dead."

Wally paid him little attention. He ran a hand over the surface of the
rock. "Dusty," he said. "And smooth. And it seems to be glowing a bit.
Hmmm."

Guybrush groaned. Wally was going to dredge his encyclopaedic memory and
tell him some completely useless piece of esoterica about the rock.
Guybrush had become acquainted with Wally's encyclopaedic knowledge for
some time now. There was nothing he didn't know the answer to. It was
annoying.

"Don't know what this is," said Wally, puzzled. "Have you got a
spectrograph?" he asked.

"Ummm... maybe," said Guybrush.

"Strangely light," mused Wally, giving the rock a gentle shove. "Wonder
what the melting point is..." He reached into his back pocket, and took out
his blaster. Aiming for a point roughly in the centre of the rock, he
fired.

The shot impacted on the rock and vanished. No crater. No rebounding blast.
It was completely absorbed, as if Wally had fired into a black hole.

"Hmmm," said Wally. He started forward to examine the rock, then stopped.

The blaster shot seemed to have set something off inside the rock. It was
glowing, pulsating from a deep, almost invisible black to a bright cherry
red. Back and forth. Back and forth.

"What have you done now?" said Guybrush.

In a bizarrely anthropomorphic way, the rock seemed to be waking up. The
pulsating rhythm was speeding up, and the rock was now vibrating, almost
shivering. As if awesome forces were battling it about from within - and
barely balancing.

The rock leapt into the air, and hovered. It turned slowly, executing a
full 360 degrees. It stopped, and Guybrush got the strangest idea that the
rock was looking at him.

The glowing light inside the rock waxed to full intensity. The hold was
filled with ruby light so bright that Guybrush couldn't see past his own
face. But no heat. No sound.


Boss Hog vanished.

Upchuck suddenly sat up, staring at the black space where his quarry had
been. He tapped the instruments. Nothing. No radar, no visuals, no
infra-red. Upchuck growled. Depressurized needlefighters didn't just vanish
into thin space.

With a snarl, he brought his ship around and headed for home base. "I don't
know where you are, Guybrush," said Upchuck, "but I'll find you. You know I
will."

Coming next week... where'd they go?


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 8: On an asteroid.

Guybrush opened his eyes.

It felt like centuries had passed. Wally was on the floor beside him, out
cold. The air tasted strange. And it was freezing.

The door at the top of the stairs opened.

The air supply, or what remained of it, whistled past Guybrush's face in a
blistering cold gale. There was a figure up at the top of the stairs, clad
in a spacesuit. The figure's face was hidden behind the black mask of his
helmet.

The spacesuit had transparent legs. Guybrush took a while to work this out.
At first he thought he was hallucinating. Then he thought maybe the figure
had only put on the top half of the spacesuit. But no: the legs of the
spacesuit were transparent. Guybrush could see a pair of bare feet, thin
yellow calves, and hairy thighs.

Eventually it dawned on Guybrush that there was no more oxygen. He fainted.


The next day...

Guybrush woke.

He was in a plush bedroom, lying down on a four poster bed. The room, and
the bed, were entirely unfamiliar. He was enclosed in four metal walls in a
strange place, and yet Guybrush didn't feel worried.

He got up and walked out into a thin featureless passageway. Where on earth
was he? Fluorescent light strips ran down the passage ceiling, filling the
passage with harsh yellow light.

Guybrush came to another doorway. Inside was a circular couch, and on the
couch was Wally.

Wally looked up. "Mr Brush!" he said. "You woke up! I was a bit worried for
a while."

"Er, thanks," said Guybrush. He looked around the lounge. "Do you happen to
know where we are?"

"Um, no," said Wally.

"And come to that," added Guybrush, "why aren't we dead? And whose place is
this?"

"I believe I can answer that," said a voice behind them.

Guybrush nearly jumped out of his skin. He turned, to see an old man
standing proudly in the doorway. This old man, unlike most old men of
Guybrush's acquaintance, wore a long dirty leather jacket, dirty flying
goggles, and mechanics gloves. To go with this, he wasn't wearing any
pants.

It suddenly came together for Guybrush. "The Hermit," he breathed.

The Hermit nodded, grinning.

"Who?" said Wally.

"The Hermit," said Guybrush, to Wally. "This man... well, legend has it
that he invented the HyperInflatory drive. Flew out into space, and came
back with a fortune in rare metals, before anyone had even *thought* of
becoming a space pirate. Then he vanished, just as the first space pirates
were jetting off. People said he found a remote area in the heart of the
asteroid belt, unreachable by spacecraft, and became a hermit.  If it wasn't
for him, none of us would even be here today. Wow," he added, talking to the
Hermit. "You mean we're inside the arc?"

"You are," said the Hermit, "and it's not unreachable by spacecraft, just
*very hard* to get to."

"But why did you rescue us?" asked Guybrush.

The Hermit sat down. "I'm a curious man," he said. "Nobody's flown past my
asteroid in forty years. No-one at all, except for me. Then all of a
sudden, your spacecraft turns up. And when I check the radar, it looks like
you didn't fly here - it looks like you just materialised somehow.

"So I flew up and checked. And there was more strangeness. The spacecraft
was a Mark IV needlefighter. Old, but very large - three separate levels.
And expensive. The only people who can afford to fly Mark IV are members of
the larger pirate gangs. But your ship didn't have any identifying markings.
Now I've been out in space a long time, and I've *never* heard of an
independent pirate flying a Mark IV."

The Hermit looked straight at Guybrush. "So I want some answers. Now."

Coming next week... the terrible story.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 9: The truth bared

Guybrush looked at the Hermit's suddenly stony face. No help there. He
turned to Wally, helplessly.

"All right, I'll tell," said Guybrush. "But I don't like it."

The Hermit sat back. "Start, then."

"Okay. Wally, this'll be some news to you, but I've got a brother. His name
is Upchuck."

Wally spilled his drink. (Did I forget to mention Wally had a drink? Well,
he does. Er, except he doesn't have it now. It's on the floor. Wally's on
his knees - hang on, I'll just get out of these brackets) - cleaning it up
(phew - seamless)

"Now I think about it, my parents didn't really have much talent with
names. First child out, they call him Upchuck. Second child out, they call
Guybrush. There ought to be laws against that kind of thing.

"Upchuck was your typical bullying older brother. I never liked him that
much. Still, he was my brother, and I had to live with him. But it was
worse than that. My parents made me look up to him. They idolised him, I
think... bloody hell, this is embarrassing. You guys aren't psychiatrists.
Why am I wasting your time with this... okay, I'll cut to the chase.

"When he was twenty, Upchuck decided to become a space pirate. Except they
weren't called space pirates then, they were space *traders*, usually small
gangs who flew out to distant planets and moons, taking bite-sized loads of
metals and minerals home because large companies didn't want to go to the
risk of setting up a large-scale space mining operation. For some twisted
reason, Upchuck wanted me to come along with him. Because of my parents, I
had to agree.

"When we first flew out, it was just the two of us. I was in a tiny
needlefighter you could hardly turn round in, and Upchuck's ship was hardly
any larger. You could tell even before we left that we'd never make a
fortune transporting metal.

"That wasn't Upchuck's plan, of course. I found out what he really wanted
when we came across a couple of Mark IV needlefighters, bringing a large
load of metal back to earth. Upchuck sent out a distress signal, and one of
the craft came over to investigate. Upchuck waited for the pilot to come on
board via the airlock, then he clubbed him. He took the Mark IV and shot
the second ship. Upchuck got me on board the ship, put a gun in my hand,
and told me to shoot the pilot. I couldn't do it, so Upchuck put his hand
round mine and pulled the trigger. He tossed the gun in a safe, my prints
all over it, then we had a talk.

"Upchuck told me that he was the first of the new breed. Just like the
pirates of the 1500's and the cowboys of the 1800's, he was an outlaw on a
new frontier. And if I ever crossed him or ran out, he'd hunt me down and
kill me." Guybrush chuckled. "He hasn't been too successful with that bit
yet."

He sighed. "Anyway, we became a roving band of space pirates, and we were
the first. More people joined our gang, although more often than not
Upchuck would kill potential entrants. We got famous, so much so that it
got hard to sell our booty off back on earth. Upchuck got the strange idea
that we should bury it, like the old pirates did, so there are huge stashes
of valuable metals all over this solar system, and all the nearby stars. I
can't touch those, at least not now - I think Upchuck watches them.

"So it was about five years ago. I was the number-two man in Upchuck's
pirate gang. There were other pirate gangs, but none as successful as ours.
Upchuck had a way with diplomacy and sheer-blooded brinkmanship that left
most people gibbering.

"I hated it. I hated having to command people, tell them what to do, hated
the two-plus-two-equals-five crowd Upchuck seemed to attract. I was
plotting a way to escape - not only to escape, but to deal Upchuck a huge
personal blow.

"My chance came when we seized the craft of a rival pirate gang. For the
purposes of stealth, they had sent over a Mark IV with no identifying
markings. I was intrigued, and used my influence to have the ship
transported to my private hangar.

"I had the getaway vehicle. Now all I needed was the right time. It came a
week later, when Upchuck decided to lead an attack on the Bludbarten gang.
I faked a cold, and was left behind. Upchuck's base, a group of ramshackle
metal sheds on a cold moon, was empty. I planted explosives, in each and
every building. I took all the valuable stuff I could, and flew off.

"But the space around me wasn't clear. Upchuck was waiting. He'd suspected
me for a while.

"I might have hated my job, but it didn't mean I wasn't good at it. I earnt
my position. And we flew a hell of a dogfight there, above the moon, while
Upchuck's fleet battled the Bludbarten fleet thousands of miles away.
Slowly Upchuck got the upper hand, pulling himself into position to deliver
a killing blow. I fought him off as long as I could, long enough for the
fleet to come back from their successful annihilation of the Bludbarten
fleet. Upchuck shouted at them to leave, and they flew down to the moon
surface. That was his biggest mistake ever. He was suspicious of me, but
not suspicious enough.

"By this time he was really frustrated. I wasn't trying to kill him, just
flying to stay alive. And he couldn't pin me. He yelled at me, 'Only once
have I met such a coward!'

"And I said, 'He must have taught you everything you know.'

"I don't know where that reply came from, but it completely floored
Upchuck. He hesitated, and in that moment I detonated his base. A white
flower of destruction blossomed on that dead surface, and while Upchuck
floundered around in the shockwave, I turned and blasted his ship to
smithereens. I flew away, and I thought he was dead.

"And so I'd thought - until today."

Coming next week... reminisces and hard work.


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 10: But what now?

"This was all a few years ago," finished Guybrush. "So is that it? Can I
stop now?"

"You can." The Hermit looked moderately pleased. "Not a bad story, but then I
haven't heard one in a long while."

"What are you going to do with us?" said Wally.

"*Do* with you?" asked the Hermit rhetorically. "There's nothing I can *do*
with you. You're stuck here until you can repair your ship. Luckily for you
I keep a good set of tools maintained."

Guybrush rose. "I think it's time we took a look at Boss Hog."


Several minutes later, three figures in old rusty spacesuits stepped out
onto the asteroid surface.

The spacesuits had come from a locker in the Hermit's dwelling. Guybrush
hated wearing a spacesuit at the best of times, and this unfamiliar garment
seemed to have mothballs inside. It chafed his joints. Beside Guybrush
waddled Wally, the waddle coming about because the Hermit didn't have very
many spacesuits, and this one was far too big.

Then, beside them both, was the Hermit with his transparent legs. Guybrush
tried not to look much in that direction.

It wasn't hard, because just over the asteroid's tiny horizon Guybrush saw
Boss Hog. It was a complete wreck. The whole upper deck was open to the
vacuum of space. Holes dotted the outer superstructure. Seen under the
pitiless black sky of space, Guybrush's ship looked like a pathetic
has-been. Only one area of the ship looked in remotely servicable
condition, and that was the storage basement, the tiny room which had
sustained them all the way to this asteroid. Looking at that tiny room,
Guybrush felt a surge of love for his ship.

All the spacesuits had intercoms in their helmets, and now Guybrush heard
Wally's voice. "We'll never be able to fix this," said Wally despairingly.

"No, it looks worse than it is," said the Hermit. "Most of the inner
structure seems intact."

"Nevertheless," said Guybrush, "we're going to be here a long time."

Next week... events transpire.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 11: A daring invasion

Meanwhile, a long way away...

Chora Luna. A manmade asteroid, four kilometres in diameter, it orbited
Saturn at a distance of two million kilometres. Chora Luna was one of the
few outposts of space civilisation. It was set up as a trading post and
minerals warehouse, storing all the valuable materials mined from Saturn's
moons.

If this wasn't enough to make Chora Luna unique, it wasn't run by an ex-con
or some strutting space pirate. Chora Luna represented the first foray into
space by a major earth corporation. And amazingly, it wasn't doing too bad.
There was much speculation about who ran the place - in the cutthroat world
of outer space, it'd have to be someone tough as nails, able to kill
without compunction when the time came.

Not far off, a squadron of pirate fighters was converging on it to attack.

Squadron Leader Marko Bent cracked his knuckles and sat back in the pilot's
chair. Around him flew a fleet of twenty fighters, all flown by Upchuck's
best men. Acknowledgements of position crackled over the radio. "Red rear
locked and ready" "Blue point locked and ready." "Green attack locked and
ready."

It was all done. Marko stared at the shining orb of Chora Luna, now filling
nearly half his viewscreen. In a minute they would be detected. Marko
smiled. In ten years of operation, not one pirate had dared to attack
Chora Luna. Its formidable defenses had warned off even the most suicidal
of wayfarers.

Marko wasn't worried. They had a perfect attack plan.

He spoke into the radio. "Interception in twenty seconds. Break off on
count of three. One - two - three."

The sphere of fighters around him expanded, as they suddenly sped forward.
Marko hung back, dawdling somewhat. He had a special role in the operation.

The radio suddenly crackled to life. "You are in unauthorized territory,"
snapped a computer generated voice. "Identify yourselves immediately."
Without waiting for a response, the Chora Luna defense systems kicked into
life. A spray of laser bolts were flung out in all directions. Upchuck's
fighters dodged around, shooting at the surface of Chora Luna. Energy beams
radiated out from the metal surface, buffeting Marko's slowly moving craft.
He bumped up the frontal shields.

Vents opened in the Chora Luna surface, and a squadron of six fighters flew
out. Marko whistled. Twenty seconds and already they had a few craft out
and fighting. The whispers about a formidable defense system had not been
exaggerated.

But this was what he'd been waiting for. Marko flipped on his cloaking
device, and kicked up the speed. With the cloaking device enabled, he was
nearly invisible, but couldn't fire anything. This should not be a problem.

Marko's tiny craft accelerated. All around him flew screeching hulks of
metal, as Upchuck's fighters met the Chora Luna fighters. Marko paid the
battle little attention. After all, it was just a decoy.

Marko had his eyes firmly fixed on the nearest vent. It was still open -
maybe they intended to send more fighters out. His craft now little more
than a blur, Marko sped toward it.

The metal surface of Chora Luna flew at him, like a plate falling from the
sky. With a tiny jink left, Marko pulled the craft into the vent.

The vent was low and sheer, a rectangular passage of metal. It banked left
and right, with twisting turns meant to be navigated by slow-moving craft
that had barely taken off. But Marko took the turns perfectly, hunched over
the controls, all concentration.

The vent widened into a fighter hangar. Four craft were out on the hangar
floor, and pilots walked toward them with helmets in hand. They didn't even
have time to lift their heads in amazement as Marko zoomed overhead, to a
passage at the rear of the hangar.

The passage dived. Wider than the fighter vent, this was meant to be
navigated by freighters, carrying ore from the centre of the asteroid out
to the transport bays. Marko knew; he'd studied the maps. Other passages
branched off from this one, and Marko periodically made turns left and
right.

He was getting close. Not to the main ore storage area, but then that
wasn't his goal. The informer who had come to see him two weeks ago had
told him of a far more valuable prize. One that would be undefended.

A flash of blue made Marko bring his fighter to a total halt. Yes, there it
was, a large blue door on his left. He was here.

Coming next week... the invasion revealed.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 12: The invasion revealed

Elaine Marley sat in the far corner of the tiny storage room, her blaster
resting on the floor beside her. The only noise in here came from a small
radio on her belt - the whistle and crack of laser fire against Chora
Luna's surface, the emotionless professionalism of the computer-controlled
defense, giving orders to the ten fighter pilots already out there.

So far, there were no reports of any enemy breakthroughs. But Elaine didn't
trust this, nor did she trust the attack plan these pirates were showing.
Surely the goal in any attack on Chora Luna would be the main ore reserves.
But there were no freighters amongst that fleet.

A lump of reddish rock sat on the floor in front of her, about ten feet in
diameter. Elaine didn't know exactly what this was, or what it did, but her
intuition told her it was the most valuable material in the galaxy. Just as
she now knew it was under threat.

Grim faced, Elaine picked up the blaster, her eyes set like stone on the
door.


Marko looked left and right. Nothing was coming. He didn't expect any
traffic - this was one of the least used corners of Chora Luna.

With a slight hiss of reluctance, Marko turned off the cloaking device.
Aiming his hovering fighter with precision, Marko shot a continuous beam of
laser fire at the door.  It punched a hole through the thick metal almost
instantly. Marko brought the laser around in a wide circle, cutting a
pathway through the door.

The thick metal circle tumbled to the floor. Marko edged his fighter
through the gap.

The informer hadn't been wrong. Down on the floor was a lump of reddish
rock - and nothing to stop him taking it. Marko inched right above it, and
opened the cargo doors.

Elaine Marley dropped from the roof, landing on the nose of Marko's fighter.
She scrambled to her feet and aimed a shot at Marko from point blank range.
The laser bolt went straight through the unshielded windscreen and punched
a flaming hole in the seat, right beside Mario's neck. Stunned, Marko dived
for the floor. The next shot went right through the seat where his chest had
been.

Marko cursed his impatience in not checking every corner of the room. Now a
red-headed woman was taking potshots at him, while his only blaster was
sitting two rooms away in the back cupboard. There was only one thing he
could do. From the floor, Marko seized the flight yoke and shoved it
upward.

The fighter suddenly tilted forward. Elaine lost her footing and slipped to
her knees. She flung her arms out and grasped the nose of the fighter.

The tail end of the fighter ploughed into the ceiling. The shudder nearly
shook Elaine off. One arm came free, and she was left clinging by one hand
to a slender hook. She could see Marko through the windscreen, now standing
up, and aimed a shot at him with her free hand. It went wide.

The fighter suddenly began spinning rapidly. Marko was grinning now,
enjoying her plight. The revolutions came faster and faster, then Marko
brought his hand down and stopped them instantly.

Elaine lost her grip and crashed flat into the wall. She fell three metres
and hit the floor, her body slumped and bruised.

Marko dismissed her, and brought his fighter above the rock for a second
time. Now he engaged the tractor beams, and in a matter of seconds brought
the find up into his cargo bay. It was time to be going...

Marko flew out, and ran the throttle. The turns and twists of the
underground passage rocketed past. He burst through the hangar, out the
vent, and into space.

Coming next week... the double cross.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 13: The double cross

Three dozen spacecraft were wheeling around in a ballet of violence.
Cloaked once more, Marko flew through the battle. When he was a safe
distance away, he shut off the cloak and sent a signal to his squadron.
Instantly the pirate ships wheeled away, leaving the defenders befuddled by
the seemingly pointless assault. Marko looked at his squadron. Fifteen
fighters left - not bad. Now all they had to do was fly back to Upchuck's
headquarters.

But Marko had other plans. He waited until they were flying in formation,
then set the autopilot. He stood up, and climbed down a ladder into the
hold.

The oily, mostly empty room was almost completely filled by the lump of
reddish rock. Marko remembered what the informer had told him - shoot it
with a blaster...

Marko had his blaster in his right hand, taken from the back cupboard. He
aimed it at the heart of the rock, and fired.


Right at the centre of Upchuck's squadron, Marko's fighter vanished.


On Chora Luna, the last of the fighters had returned to base. Two men lost
- not many, but Bon Adams rued every death. He sat at a desk in the main
control room, surrounded by a group of ten data-gatherers analysing the
incursion.

This was a new experience for Bon. Sure enough, the computer-controlled
defense system, installed at Elaine's insistence, had performed admirably.
But there had been losses, and Bon hadn't been able to do a damn thing
about them. All he could do, here at the nominal seat of command, was sit
and push paper. For the first time in many years, Bon was chafing at the
bit.

Where the hell is Elaine, he thought irritably. Okay, she doesn't have
anything to do, but surely the head of Chora Luna could at least put in an
appearance to keep up morale... very unprofessional.

The doorway opened. Bon saw Elaine.

"Elaine!" he said. But even before he rose to his feet, he could see
something was wrong. Elaine was slumped against the doorframe as if she
could barely stand. Blood oozed from a cut in her scalp, and her left arm
hung at an unnatural angle.

Bon was taken aback. "What happened?" he said.

Elaine turned a weary eye toward him. "I fell down the stairs," she said.

"What are you doing here? You should be in the sick bay."

"I'll go there in a moment - I had to find out what happened with this
attack."

All of Bon's previous ill-feeling evaporated, leaving only a guilty
residue. "Well, I think we were lucky," he said. "Lost two men, but we
managed to drive off twenty pirate fighters."

Elaine looked at him. No matter how injured she might be, those eyes were
alert and alive. "None of the fighters got through the defenses?"

"None," said Bon. "Your system performed admirably."

Elaine seemed to chew this over. "Still, I wonder what their goal was."

"The ore reserves, I suppose," said Bon.

"But no freighters, or heaavy-duty fighters," said Elaine. "No, I think
this was just a test run. They were probing our defences."

"But..."

"Which means they might be back," said Elaine, with a note of urgency in
her voice. "And not just here. Our other bases might be under threat -
Iriquois, Theta Sigma, and Pael." Pael was where Elaine kept the second of
her reddish lumps of rock - this thought she kept secret from Bon. "I want
the security stepped up in all sections."

Bon snapped to attention. "Yes, sir!"

Elaine roused herself from the doorframe. "I think I'll drag myself off to
sick bay," she said. Refusing all offers of help, she limped off, already
planning the defense of Pael. Because she knew they would strike there
next.

Coming next week... plotlines galore.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 14: Just what is this stuff, anyway?

Guybrush gave the wrench a huge pull, and locked the last nut into place.
"Done this side," he said to Wally, who he could hear straining away on
the opposite side of the ship.

The repairs were going well. With the intial help of the Hermit, they'd
managed to shift Boss Hog into a large metal hangar. Despite the structure
being only temporary, somehow the Hermit was able to get a breathable
atmosphere inside, allowing them to work without suits. Having helped them
this far, the Hermit had left them some days ago to finish the job on their
own. Even now that he had visitors, the Hermit was extremely hard to pin
down. Sometimes they went for days without seeing him.

"I'm done," said Wally. He dropped his wrench to the rocky ground and wiped
his sweaty brow. "Time for a break, don't you think Mr Brush?"

"Yeah, all right," said Guybrush. "We're nearly done anyway."

He stood back and looked at their work. The outer hull had been completely
replaced. Inside, there hadn't been much to do, as the general structure
was intact. Most of the repairs had involved replacing burnt wiring.

Guybrush looked down to the base of the ship, the one area they hadn't had
to do any work in at all.

There was still that mystery to work out. And maybe he could talk to the
Hermit about it...

"Take an hour," said Guybrush. "I've got to see the Hermit."


He found him in the lounge, picking over a PCB board with a metal toothpick.

"Look, I've got to ask you something," said Guybrush.

"Hmmm?" said the Hermit, not looking up.

Guybrush sat down. "What's that rock in my ship?  Wally fired a blaster shot
at it and now we're stuck here. And I know you know something about it,
because you haven't asked me about my cargo *once*. So tell me: what is this
stuff, and what is it doing in my ship?"

"Well, that's a tough question," said the Hermit. "I can't tell you what it
*is*: I don't think it even has a name. I call them Portal Stones, but you
might think that's a pretty bad name-"

"Them?" interjected Guybrush.

"I'll get to that. You told me a story, and now I'll tell you one. 'Bout
thirty years ago, I was flying around the outer moons of Saturn, looking for
minerals. Didn't find any, but when I landed in this large rocky valley, I
came across a small group of reddish rocks. Like the one in your ship.

"I didn't know what they were, so I loaded them all up and set off for the
nearest trading post. The assayer didn't know what they were either, so I
went to another trading post and auctioned them all off as 'unknown
treasures'. Made quite a bit of money out of that. But I still didn't know
what I'd found.

"I'd hung onto one of the rocks just in case, and I tried to analyse it. But
no luck. Then, one day when I was probably a bit frustrated, I took out my
blaster and shot the damn thing. And I ended up in here."

Coming next week... the meeting

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 15: The Ubiquitous Space Bar

In the dimmest corner of the Space Canaille, the black-hooded figure
sat and watched. It was approaching the busiest shift of the day, 
and the air was close with smoke and smell. The patrons of the bar 
(or, as they might more accurately be known, denizens) sat in small, 
quiet groups, or sat alone. A new visitor to the bar would be surprised 
by the melancholy mood, but there were precious few boisterous space 
pirates. Everyone was too busy making their fortune.

A short waiter came and gave the black-hooded man his order: a Bloody 
Mary. He paid silently, not taking his eyes off the automatic doors. He was
expecting company.

Suddenly, there was a loud blare of music. All the patrons, even the
black-hooded man, looked around. The automatic doors whooshed open, and a
swirling pattern of coloured light floated in. It swayed around the
clientele, giving some drinkers an almost saintly aura, then came down in a
bare patch of floor. The swirling pattern silently exploded, filling the
room to the back of every eyeball with unbearably intense sensations.

When the light faded, standing in the vacant space with his hands on his
hips and a dramatic look on his face, was Marko Bent.

There were astonished gasps and shouts of recognition. Marko Bent was quite
famous, as space pirates went, and it seemed everybody in the room knew
him. Amid cries of "It's Marko!" "Good old Marko!" "Good to see you,
Marko!" he was fairly dragged over to the bar and given about six different
drinks to have a shot at.

The black-hooded man ground his teeth. He watched silently, his anger
growing, as Marko joked and drank with the rest of the pirates. Everyone
except for the black-hooded man was now at the bar, and the mood had
definitely picked up a notch. There was laughter, shouts and even a few
songs being sung.

Finally Marko was able to drag himself free. With a final wave to the
pirates, he came over to the black-hooded man and sat down. The man, now
finding himself the centre of attention, looked very flustered.

"So, how's it going?" said Marko. Noticing the Bloody Mary, he picked it up
and drank half.

"This was supposed to be a clandestine meeting!" hissed the black-hooded
man. "Upchuck's put your name out, and you turn up in public!"

"Relax. Upchuck won't even know I've gone yet. Besides, these are all good
friends of mine. You can't expect me to come slinking in here like some
common loser."

"So... you have it?"

"Yep," said Marko nonchalantly. "Got a big lump of red rock in the storage
room of my ship. Although, I can't really see what all the fuss is about."

"You can't?" The black-hooded man sat back and steepled his fingers.

"When I shot that thing, it transported me through space, right? Well, when
I checked my sensors, turns out the rock only transported me two million
kilometres away. I mean, that's barely useful even in a battle. You're on
the outer edge of long-range scanners, and if your opponent is at all
interested in finding you, before long he'll know where you are."

The black-hooded man smiled. "So, you don't want it?"

Marko shrugged. "It'd be nice to have, but it just seems pretty useless. Of
course, I'll still expect to get paid. In full."

"Ah, yes."

"Ten million credits."

"It's a high price."

"After this," said Marko, "I'll never be able to return to space. I need
enough to set me up for life."

"I have it," said the black-hooded man, "in my ship." He stood up. "Let's
take a walk."

Coming next week... dirty deals.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 16: Aborted plans

They walked out the automatic doors, Marko waving to the pirates, and into
the hangar.

The hangar was a huge metal shed a kilometre long, dimly lit by rows and
rows of fluorescent tubing. It was nearly full with privately owned ships,
most of which were about the length of a bus and the width of two.

As they walked, the black-hooded man talked. Out of sight of the revelling
crowd, he seemed more relaxed. "I suppose there's no harm in telling you
this," he said. "The effect of those rocks - portal stones is the name, I
believe - is cumulative. One rock, as you've seen, barely transports you
anywhere. Two portal stones, placed together in the single ship, seem to
form some kind of critical mass. With two stones, you can be transported
anywhere in the galaxy."

This startled Marko. "What? How do you know that?"

The black-hooded man shook his head. "I couldn't tell you that. Three
stones is even more interesting. Put three together, shoot them, and you'll
be transported anywhere in the Universe."

Marko, taken aback, whistled. "What about four?"

"I don't believe anybody's ever collected four portal stones before. Or if
they have, they haven't come back to tell the tale."

They'd come to a small, nondescript ship tucked away between two huge
Dworkians. It almost seemed to huddle... a shy spaceship.

Marko looked up at it sceptically. "This is your ship."

"Yes." The black-hooded man touched a button on his remote. A door slid open
in the side of the ship, and a ladder folded down to the metal floor.

"And you expect me to believe you've got ten million credits?"

"I told you, it's in here." The black-hooded man gestured impatiently to
him from the top of the ladder.

Marko looked around, then started climbing. He entered the ship.

The black-hooded man was moving to the flight room. Marko, standing in the
passage, called after him, "So where's the money?"

The black-hooded man reappeared, and he was holding a blaster. Marko held
up his hands. "Now, let's not do anything rash..."

The black-hooded man shot him. Marko crumpled to the floor. The
black-hooded man shoved him to one side, then went to the flight room. He
sat down, brought the ship up, and flew around the hangar until he saw
Marko's ship. He set down beside it. He got up, rummaged around in Marko's
clothes, and found the remote.

Five minutes later, and he had two portal stones in the storage room of the
ship. The black-hooded man opened up a communications channel with Canaille
flight control. "ACF344 requesting exit permission, Roger," he said.

"Negative," said flight control. "Where's Marko?"

Coming next week... a partnership forged.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 17: Pact

The black-hooded man gaped. "What?" he blurted. "Uh, flight control, that
last message was a bit garbled. Could-"

"Repeat: where's Marko?"

The black-hooded man looked around, now worried. And the worry doubled when
he saw Marko standing woozily in the doorway. Marko sauntered - or
staggered - in, and spoke into the mike: "Hey, I'm here. No worries."

"Received," replied flight control. "Awaiting further instructions."

"What-"

Marko stood up, reached under his shirt, and threw the blaster shielding to
the floor. It had turned a lethal bolt into a mere stun. "They always aim
for the chest," he said dismissively. He pulled a blaster on the
black-hooded man. "Now, you said something about ten million credits?"

The black-hooded man thought fast. "Uh... it's in-"

"Spare me the story. You don't have ten million credits."

There didn't seem to be any point in lying. "No."

Marko cocked the blaster. "I guess this ship might raise a couple. And
maybe they can boil your corpse down for a few bucks..."

"Wait!" said the black-hooded man urgently. He turned to the switchboard
and pointed to a large red button. "This is wired to a bomb I set on your
ship." He rested his finger on the button.

"I could just shoot you anyway," said Marko.

"We're still hovering above the hangar floor," said the black-hooded man.
"I'm connected to at least four different controls at the moment. Shoot me
and you might save your ship, but you won't save yourself."

"Hmmm," said Marko.

The black-hooded man sensed he was about to be shot. "Look. Listen to this.
How about you join forces with me?"

Marko snorted. "With you?"

"Yes! Don't you see? With two portal stones and a large freighter, we can
make a lot more than ten million credits. We could make a fortune in
precious minerals! And I know where we can get a third."

Marko was listening. "Go on," he said.

The black-hooded man swallowed. "I work for Elaine's mining company.
Recently she came into possession of two portal stones. One of them you've
already stolen. The second is on Pael."

"Hmmm."

"You might know where it is, but you'll need me to get past security. If it
wasn't for my instructions you'd never have made it into Chora Luna
either."

"Hmmm."

"You said yourself you couldn't go back to pirating because of the price on
your head. If we've got two portal stones, Upchuck can't possibly follow
us!"

Marko thought. "Okay," he said. "I'll let you live, at least until we find
the third portal stone. Then we'll see. But one thing..."

The black-hooded figure looked at him apprehensively. "What?"

"I need a name," said Marko. "I can't go around saying 'Hey you' all the
time. What's your name?"

The black-hooded figure thought. "You can call me... Simon."

Coming next week... bad news.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 18: Bad news

The second lieutenant grovelled on the floor in front of Upchuck. "I'm
sorry!" he wailed for the umpteenth time. "We don't know how he got away!
We-"

Upchuck interrupted. "When did you notice he was missing?" he asked.

"Three hours after leaving Chora Luna, Upchuck sir!" The second lieutenant
was frantic with fear. Marko had been right in the centre of the fleet, but
nobody had had wits enough to check their scanners for him. This
looked like becoming a fatal indiscretion.

"What did you do when you noticed he was missing?" asked Upchuck.

"Um, we immediately switched on the long-range scanners. We couldn't see
anything. None of us know how he got away so fast! It's not possible to get
that far away so quickly!"

"Thank you," said Upchuck. "You may leave."

The second lieutenant looked at him, too frightened to hope. "Sir?"

"GET OUT!!"

The second lieutenant hurriedly stood up and left Upchuck alone.

Upchuck sat there, brooding. Suddenly he slammed his fist down on the desk,
dinting the wood. He stood up and kicked at the wall, punched it, and
screamed obscenities. A bookcase went tumbling to the floor.

Soon he calmed down, and sat back down at his desk. The rage out of his
system, Upchuck was starting to think. And it soon became obvious that this
development explained quite a few things.

First of all, it explained what the red stuff had done. Upchuck had always
suspected something like this. Which was why he'd put Marko in charge of
the operation - up until now, he'd been the most trustworthy of the pirates
under Upchuck's command.

It also explained Guybrush's disappearance. He must have found a lump of
red rock somewhere. Upchuck put this on his list of things to talk to
Guybrush about.

Now, what to do. He already had a bulletin out on Guybrush's ship - it
was time to add Marko's. Plus their tactics would need to be revised, to
counter this secret weapon up the sleeve of their opponents.

Upchuck turned his attention to their informer. He must have gone behind
Upchuck's back and contacted Marko directly. What really bugged Upchuck was
that they didn't have any idea of their informer's identity. He'd made the
initial contact with Bozna, head of Upchuck's intelligence office. Maybe it
was time to reassign Bozna.

Upchuck pressed a button on his desk. A door slid open, revealing a worried
second lieutenant, who saluted.

"Put out an bulletin on Marko Bent," said Upchuck. "Bounty of five hundred
thousand credits. Every pirate under my command is to devote their whole
time to finding Marko and Guybrush. Do I make myself clear? I want the most
intense search ever mounted in space."

The second lieutenant saluted. "Yes, sir!"

Coming next week... departure.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 19: Departure

Guybrush climbed into Boss Hog. The repairs were complete, and the whole
ship was shiny and new. The metal walls gleamed, and the vaguely
off-putting smell was gone.

He entered the flight room. "Did you find him?" asked Wally.

Guybrush shook his head. He'd been scouring the Hermit's makeshift asteroid
home, but he couldn't find him anywhere. "I left him a note," he said.

"Is that all?" asked Wally. "Wouldn't he want some kind of payment?"

"I don't think so," said Guybrush. "So, are we ready?"

Wally pulled back on the yoke, and they slowly lifted up into space. "Where
to?" he asked as they hovered over the asteroid.

"Wait," said Guybrush. "I've got to go to the storage room."

In fact, this was one of the features of the Hermit's remote dwelling. This
pocket of space was so tightly ringed with asteroids that you simply could
not pilot a ship in or out. The only way through was direct transportation.

In the storage room, Guybrush shot the red rock. Portal stones - huh. What
a name.

Not too long later, they were slowly shuttling along through empty space.

Wally was checking the scanners. "Nothing in sight."

Guybrush nodded. Just as well. They'd been able to get their ship
spaceworthy again, but Hermit didn't have everything. Until they were able
to get a few parts, Boss Hog would only be able to attain twenty percent of
her normal velocity. Guybrush didn't like being a sitting duck.

"So where are we going?" asked Wally.

"Well, the nearest station is Pael, so I guess we're going there. It'll
probably take about two weeks."

"All right, I've set the coordinates," said Wally. "Autopilot engaged."

They sat back. A couple of minutes passed.

"So, what are we going to do for the next two weeks?"

Coming next week... sturm und drang.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 20: The hardest part is the waiting

*Later...*

Guybrush and Wally were sitting in the rec room.

It wasn't much of a rec room, even after their refurbishment work on the
Hermit's asteroid. There was a single forty-watt bulb in the ceiling,
giving the room the dim, smoky air of an illegal gambling den. Under the
light was a round metal table. There were a few cupboards, all full of
board games, jigsaws and other useless stuff. A dartboard hung on the wall,
but there were no darts. No pool table, either. No electronic
entertainment. There was a small stereo, but the only CD was 'Soft Rock
Classics Vol 443'. It was currently in about twenty pieces.

Guybrush and Wally sat at the table, bored out of their brain.

"Let's play Monopoly," suggested Wally.

"Finished it an hour ago," said Guybrush. "Besides, half the money is
missing."

"Scrabble?"

"We're both illiterate and you know it. Last time we played there wasn't a
word on the board with more than three letters."

"A card game?"

"Give me a yell if you can find the rule book. And the cards."

They sat there in melancholy silence. Wally tapped the table a few times.
"We can't just sit here all day. I'm going to fix the ion stabiliser." He
stood up.

"You fixed it yesterday," said Guybrush.

Wally paused at the door. "The solar flare shields?"

"I checked them this morning."

"The navcomp settings?"

"You did it before you had breakfast."

Wally sighed and came back to the table. He rested his head on the metal
surface. "Bored," he said.

Most of the journey had been like this. They were only four days out from
the Hermit's asteroid, and they'd already done everything. Fixed everything
twice, played every game three times, and there was nothing left to do.
They'd chosen their course to minimize the possibility of encountering
other ships, and so far hadn't seen a single one.

Guybrush was starting to wish he'd packed a few Tom Clancy novels.
Heck, even some Ratliff would have done. He was trying to hide it from
Wally, but in fact he was just as desperate for something to occupy his
time.

"What's there to do?" wailed Wally.

"Well... we could talk about something," said Guybrush.

Wally looked at him strangely. "Talk?"

Guybrush looked a little surprised at himself. "Yeah. Talk."

"What about?"

"Anything."

Wally looked a little dubious, but he shrugged his shoulders. "Okay.
Ummm... do you ever think about women?"

Coming next week... little wishes.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 21: Spacedreaming

Guybrush looked at Wally, startled. "What?"

"There aren't many out here in space." A wistful, daydreamy look had gone
over Wally's face. "I don't think I've seen a woman in months. There was
Alice at that orbiting satellite... hmmm..."

Guybrush snorted. Wally was a newbie by pirate standards. He, and most of
the hardened space pirates hadn't seen a woman in years.

"...she had this long, really well combed black hair, and she always smiled
when she saw me passing by..."

Nevertheless, something about this line of conversation was making Guybrush
uncomfortable. He coughed.

It brought Wally out of his reverie. He looked at Guybrush. "Don't you
sometimes wish we could get a chance to know some women?"

"No," said Guybrush.

"It'd be nice," said Wally. "An extra two people around the ship, somebody
to have a real conversation with... no more lonely journeys through space."

"It wouldn't be like that," said Guybrush. "It would be hell."

"No it wouldn't," said Wally. "Women are nice people."

"Look, Wally... I guess I should tell you some things. Women and space
pirates do NOT mix. If you want to be a space pirate, you've got to be a
hardened loner, able to spend whole months in isolation. How many
successful space pirates do you know who are married?"

Wally thought for a bit. He couldn't come up with any names.

"Exactly. Maybe it'd all be love and roses the first few days, but after
two months you'll want to kill each other. You'll be too busy fighting each
other to make any real money."

"I still think it'd be nice," said Wally defiantly. "Anyway I can still
dream about it." Which he did, sitting there with a blissful smile on his
face, occasionally murmuring faint words.

Guybrush ground his teeth and tried to shut out the noise. Boredom was bad
enough, but this was torture...

Next week... security measures.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 22: Security

*Later...*

The man-made planetoid Pael. Bigger than Chora Luna, it was also the first
REAL space colony - that is, one that supported a civilian population.
There were barbers, bakers, and even real estate agents. In total, about
two thousand people lived on Pael.

Seven of them were gathered in security headquarters. They sat at a
polished oval table, away from the main consoles and videoscreens. Six of
them were security personnel, and the seventh was Elaine. She'd called this
meeting together, and she looked worried.

She had good reason to be. They were being watched.

In a small cramped room some way above security headquarters, Simon sat
watching a small screen. On it was the display from a security camera
trained on the oval, siphoned off from the main security system -
undetected, of course. The image was crisp and the sound clear.

The door opened and Marko came in. He was panting. "It's hard finding this
place," he said. "All those stairs and panels - nearly got lost." He saw
the image on the screen. "Have they-"

"It's just starting."

Elaine looked at the security personnel. "Gentlemen, I'm sure you're all
aware of the attack on Chora Luna. I called this meeting together because I
believe the next target of the space pirates is Pael. If you look at the
Chora Luna assault on its own, it seems pointless. Clearly, it was just a
feint. The enemy is testing our strength, our defenses - and they will
attack again."

One of the security personnel interjected: "Won't that mean they attack
Chora Luna again? If their purpose was to test our security..."

"That is a possibility," admitted Elaine. "But from their point of view
Pael is a much more valuable prize. Perhaps the attack on Chora Luna was
designed precisely to divert our attention *away* from Pael."

Marko smirked. "Course, she can't tell them why she's *really*
concentrating her efforts here - the portal stone!"

"Quiet!"

"And so," said Elaine, "I want security stepped up. Twenty fighters have
been transferred from Chora Luna and will arrive in two hours. I want you
to let in the barest minimum of traffic. If they look remotely like a space
pirate, send them elsewhere."

She paused. "I also want you to consider the possibility of evacuation."

Simon leant forward. "Here it comes..."

One of the security personnel said, "We've produced a comprehensive
evacuation plan..."

"I've read it," said Elaine. "It seems weak. According to the plan,
everybody on Pael leaves through the same exit. An enemy who had knowledge
of our intentions could easily block this off."

"Impossible. There are no security leaks on-"

"Gentlemen, you must consider this possibility. The attack on Chora Luna
was very well-coordinated, and I think they had inside information."

Simon smiled.

"All this might be true," said one of the security personnel, "but the gate
is the only way in and out of Pael. It's wide enough to take freight and
fighters, and I think the enemy, whoever they might be, would have trouble
blocking it off."

Elaine looked at the security personnel. "Are there any other ways off this
station?"

The security men looked at each other. "There is the exit hatch on level
4-G. We used it during the construction phase. It was supposed to be sealed
over, but I don't think they got around to it. It's very narrow, though -
only small fighters could get through it, one at a time."

"Send a team to fix up the exit and get it in working order," said Elaine.

Simon sat back. "Rats."

"What?" said Marko.

"She's not going to give us any clues as to where the portal stone is. She
just called this meeting together to secure an escape route."

Marko nodded. They'd been watching the security system - through Simon's
hookup - right around the clock, working in shifts. They'd monitored
Elaine's every move, and she hadn't once gone near the portal stone. They
had a very large list of places it wasn't, but still no idea where it was.

Marko tapped the screen. "Well, we better keep watching."

Coming next week... docking in.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 23: Sighted

*Later...*

One of Upchuck's lieutenants hurried through the twisty passages of their
home base. He was headed for Upchuck's headquarters. Normally you never
hurried there - unless you had to - but the lieutenant had good news. He
wanted to be the first to share it.

Upchuck was alone at his desk. He looked up and glared at the lieutenant,
who saluted. "Sir!"

"What is it?" said Upchuck impatiently.

"Guybrush Threepwood has just been spotted."

Upchuck's eyes opened wide and lost their bleary haze.

"He's headed for Pael," said the second lieutenant. "Going very slowly.
At the rate he's going, it's about two hours away."

Upchuck stood up and started to pace the floor. "How many ships do we have
nearby?" he asked.

The lieutenant had checked this before coming. "Forty are within four
hours' flight."

"I want them assembled into a fleet," said Upchuck. "We are attacking Pael
immediately. Alert all our fighters. I want that space station
*pulverized*.


Guybrush and Wally were in the flight cabin, and the grey sphere of Pael
floated ahead of them in the viewscreen.

"It doesn't look very big," said Wally.

"That's cause we haven't got very close yet. By the time we reach the
hangar opening, it'll be the biggest thing you've ever seen."

"You've been here before?" said Wally.

"Once," said Guybrush.

"So what makes you think they're going to let us in?"

"Two things. One, this is a different ship. Two, we're only travelling at
twenty percent speed, and nobody in their right mind could possibly
consider us a threat." Guybrush checked a few controls. "Okay, I think
we're in communications range. Wally, open up a comm link."

Wally pressed a few buttons.

Guybrush leant forward and spoke into a microphone. "Pael flight control,
requesting permission to land."

Coming next week... docking in.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 24: Let us in!

In the main security room on Pael, five pairs of eyes looked at the
viewscreens. Four of them belonged to the regular security personnel, and
the fifth was Elaine. In the last few days, she'd spent a lot of time in
here, a look of constant worry on her face. The feeling was growing ever
more certain inside her that Pael would be attacked. Soon.

At the moment, they were all looking at a low-fi transmission of Guybrush's
face. "State your name and business," one of the security personnel said in
reply to Guybrush's message.

"Glen Williams," said Guybrush smoothly. "I'm a new space trader. Just came
across a seam of rubidium, and I'd like to trade it in."

"A new trader?" said one of the security personnel dubiously. "In that old
ship?"

"Hey, it was all I could afford," Guybrush protested. "That's sorta why I'm
here... to get a few things fixed."

"Received. Please await our decision."

The security man cut off the mike and a discussion began. "What do you
reckon, guys?"

"I'm not sure," said one. "It's an old Mark IV - pirates used to fly them."

"Not recently they don't. I mean look at that thing. Even for a Mark IV
it's out of shape."

One of the security personnel looked up from his computer. "It doesn't have
identifying markings corresponding to any known space pirate. Looks
legitimate."

"Computer scan shows no visible weapons, and the on-board computer says
minimal systems are functional. Plus they can barely get twenty percent
yield out of their engines."

"So, we let them in?"

Elaine, who'd kept quiet during the discussion, spoke up. "I say yes. If
that rusting hulk is a possible threat we might as well pack this whole
operation in now."

This was a somewhat unexpected comment from Elaine, given the way she'd
acted over the past few days. "Uh, okay," said one of the men. He flipped
open the comm channel. "Glen Williams, we've given you a twelve hour
landing permit. Proceed through the main gateway and land in sector G."


"Received," said Guybrush. He cut the line and laughed. "See? I was right.
No problem at all."

He pushed them forward, heading toward a tiny black letterbox in the
centre of this huge metal sphere. As they flew forward, Pael stopped
looking like something small and insignificant and started to loom. The
grey metal surface was almost featureless, and by the time they were almost
at the gateway it ran straight up and down nearly vertically. Wally had the
feeling they were rushing into the longest, deepest tunnel ever
constructed.

Boss Hog passed through the gateway. The tunnel around them was wide and
high, and ran straight ahead for a short distance. After two seconds they
emerged into a huge lighted hangar. A squadron of fighters was lined up on
the floor underneath them, set up and ready for instant takeoff.

Guybrush flew left, passing over space trader ships and general transport
vessels. Finally, he found Sector G, which was about half-full. He brought
Boss Hog gently down onto the hangar floor, right next to a small,
unassuming craft.

Guybrush cut the power. The rumble and whine of Boss Hog's engines
gradually faded away, into an unfamiliar silence. "We're here," he said.

Coming next week... when you can't buy...

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 25: A Shopping Expedition

Elaine stood by herself and wondered what on earth had prompted that
outburst.

She knew she'd been a pain over the past few days. More than once, one of
the security personnel had politely suggested to her that maybe *they* were
qualified to handle security, and there really wasn't much she could do to
help. But she hadn't just let this ship in to win back the confidence of
her employees. She'd done it to try and reassure herself. Reassure herself
that she wasn't losing her mind, that she could still objectively assess
the security threat posed by a decrepit spaceship.

The strain of being the only one to know about the red stone was beginning
to tell. If there was someone to confide in, someone she could discuss
strategy with, it might be better. But there was nobody she could trust.
Certainly, nobody after Chora Luna. She'd even grown so paranoid as to
avoid the portal stone together, as if her movements could alert possible
enemies to the right location.

Now Elaine wondered if she'd been hasty in letting that ship in.

She knew she shouldn't worry. But she couldn't help it...


Inside Boss Hog, Guybrush was gathering together all the tools he'd need.
"Okay, Wally," he said, "I want you to stay behind while I'm out getting
all the parts. Make sure nobody tries to sell the ship, or pawn off a few
dodgy items, the usual."

Wally, sitting down on the spongy couch, nodded. "Okay, Mr. Brush. I'll
keep an eye out."

Guybrush had got together the last of his tools. He piled them all into a
small backpack. He pulled the backpack on, then looked confused. "What
parts were they again?" he asked.

"The rear flux stabiliser, the lateral phase inducers..." Seeing Guybrush's
look he said, "Want me to write them down?" Guybrush nodded. Wally found a
slip of paper and jotted down six items. "They're all fairly well related,"
said Wally. "You should find them all in the same shop."

"Thanks." Guybrush pulled a ladder down from the ceiling and climbed up to
a trapdoor hatch, which he pulled open. Warm, scented air flowed into the
ship - the gateway acted as an atmospheric force field, keeping all the
oxygen in. Guybrush breathed in deeply.

Eventually he climbed up onto the top of the ship. Recessed steps in the
side of the ship led down. He carefully picked his way downward, until he
was standing on the hangar floor.

There were a few people about, mostly pit crews doing repair work on the
ships. Nobody paid him any attention. A PA somewhere nearby was giving
instructions in a soft, computer-generated voice.

Guybrush looked down. Coloured arrows set in the floor pointed out the
way. They changed direction as he walked, constantly pointing out the right
way to go. He was being led to a high, wide gateway on the far side of the
hangar.

Guybrush passed through the gateway. He walked along a few silent passages,
each wide enough to accommodate a small starship, then came to a stop.
A street stretched out before him. It was thronged with people, who walked
lazily along, chatting to each other and looking at the shopfronts. Small
hovertaxis zoomed above. Coloured lights hung from the ceiling in bright
bunches, whirling around slowly. A neon Chinatown.

He walked through the mass of people, alongside people who wore old leather
jackets, dusty helmets and had blasters strapped at their hips. They shared
the street with suit-wearing businessmen, young mothers with bright dyed
hair and confident, world-weary kids. The crowd was interesting enough on
its own, but Guybrush was even more interested in the shops he was passing.

Eventually he came to one that looked about perfect. Bremin's Space Auto
Parts and Accessories. There were a few customers in Bremin's, which seemed
to be doing good business.

Guybrush didn't go in. Instead he walked away, to the very end of the
street. Standing in a dim corner, he reached into his backpack and took out
an electric screwdriver. He knelt down and began unscrewing the panel at
his feet.

Guybrush knew security cameras watched every corner of Pael. This was a
calculated risk, because it would take very little time to get out of their
gaze. They'd pick him up later, of course, when they went through their
tapes - but by then he'd be long gone.

The panel lifted up. Guybrush grasped the edges and lowered himself into
the space below.

He knelt down. He was in a dark, cramped world of panels and metal piping.
The air smelt of disinfectant, as if everyone dumped their detergent down
here. Guybrush put the panel back in place and screwed it in. Then he set
off.

Above, he'd memorised the distance from Bremin's. Now he paced and counted,
hunched over to avoid banging his head on tubes and transformer boxes.
Soon, he stood directly under Bremin's.

The sound of people was muted, but clearly audible. There were still people
in there. However, Guybrush knew that on Pael people worked in shifts. In a
few hours, all the stores above would close shop as the old staff left and
their replacements arrived. The five minute window should be just enough
time.

Guybrush waited.

Coming next week... all-out war.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 26: Attack

Seated in the command chair of his vessel, Upchuck watched the long-range
radarscope. From every direction, tiny blips were converging on his ship.
And some way off, a somewhat larger blip waited, at unawares.

An inner retinue of command staff surrounded Upchuck, working feverishly.

"The fleet is ready?" asked Upchuck.

One of his staff looked up and saluted. "Fifty-three ships have arrived,
Upchuck sir. We expect thirty more in two hours."

"That will be quite sufficient," said Upchuck. "Open the address system."

A few buttons were pressed. A sleek black microphone rose from the desk,
and Upchuck spoke into it. "Pirates," said Upchuck, "you know our plan and
you know our objectives. We have allowed Pael, and all the other
corporate-funded spacestations, far too much freedom. This ends today.
Today we are going to completely destroy Pael. Leave nothing but spacedust.
Reclaim the space that is rightfully ours. And so, on my word-"

Upchuck paused. There was silence around him, his command staff not daring
to breathe.

"Attack."


One of the men in Pael's main security room glanced at the long-range
radar, and froze. He blinked, and tapped the screen with his finger. When
he spoke up, his voice was uneven.

"Large group of ships detected, sir."

"What?" The security staff all clustered around the man. "How many?" said
one.

"Thirty... no, forty. Fifty-three, and they're all fighter class ships."

Elaine's blood ran so cold she felt dizzy. She grasped the bench behind her
to avoid falling over. The long-range radarscope was on the main
viewscreen, and she could see the invasion force for herself. It was a
cluster of white dots, speeding straight toward them.

This was no feint. There were so many ships they could only have one
purpose - the utter destruction of Pael.

Or maybe - this thought made Elaine even dizzier - maybe this *was* a
feint. Maybe they knew about the red rock.

Maybe they were already inside...

Elaine remembered Glen Williams, and she flushed with anger. Trading his
ship, was he? She knew she shouldn't have trusted him...

The security staff weren't doing anything, and Elaine gradually realised
they were all looking at her, waiting for orders. Why were they doing that?
They were all trained for these situations. She shouldn't even be here!

Elaine swallowed, and tried to steady her voice. "Okay. One, ready all
fighters. Anything we've got that can shoot, get it out there. Two, prepare
for evacuation."

"Sir, are you sure? I think we can fight off this fleet-"

Elaine glanced at the long-range radarscope, and shivered. Instinctively,
she knew there was no chance. Pael was doomed.

"Prepare for evacuation," she repeated. "You all know the procedure." Then
she turned and headed for the door.

There were protests and shouts behind her. But Elaine ignored them all.
She had to get that red rock, and do it fast...

Coming next week... swinging into action.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 27: Evacuate

Simon lifted the headphones off his head and stood up. "That's it," he said
excitedly. "She's going after the portal stone. Marko, get out there and-
Marko?"

Marko wasn't paying much attention. He was staring at the video feed of the
long-range radarscope. All those ships... There was only one pirate who
could muster that many fighters - Upchuck. He must really be mad at
someone, and Marko could only think of one person.

"How the hell did he find out?" he said. "Nobody knows we're here!"

Simon looked at him. "Upchuck's the least of our worries at the moment.
We've got to follow Elaine-"

Marko cut him off. "Upchuck's the least of our worries?!? Look at that
fleet. There's not going to be a single rivet left in this place!"

"Who cares?" said Simon. "We're not in any trouble. We'll just use the
secondary exit Elaine asked about. Upchuck won't be expecting anybody to
leave that way, and if we cloak our ship they won't even see us. And if
there's no other alternative, we can shoot the portal stones."

"And end up anywhere in the Universe."

Simon shrugged. "It had to happen sometime. Now, I've set the video to
follow Elaine, and sent a feed into our ship. We'll follow her from there."


Guybrush was patiently waiting below the street when he heard a loud voice
on the PA. Down here, the words were somewhat indistinct. Guybrush caught
the words 'prepare' and 'drill'. Whatever the message, it sounded
important. The noise above him increased further, first with the sound of
lots of people talking to each other very loudly, then with the sound of
lots of people moving very quickly. It sounded like a stampede up there.

This noise gradually faded. When it was gone, there was almost total
silence above. Guybrush listened hard, but there was nobody in the store.
Or even in the street.

Well, whatever they'd all gone away for - maybe some kind of town meeting -
it made Guybrush's job easier. He got out the screwdriver, and loosened a
panel above. It clattered to the floor. Guybrush reached up and pulled
himself into the store.

As he'd thought, everyone was gone. The store was empty, and so was the
street outside. It looked like people had left in a hurry. Litter,
half-eaten food and even a few backpacks dotted the street outside.

Guybrush shrugged, and started examining the ship parts.

Coming next week... the dramatic meeting.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 28: Caught

It had been an eventful past few minutes for Wally.

He was sitting up on the hull of Boss Hog, enjoying the fully oxygenated
air, when red lights began flashing all around and a warning address blared
over the PA. Then, like ants from a stirred nest, the hangar was suddenly
full of people. They swarmed over the ground, working with speed and more
than a hint of panic. All around Wally ships were powering up and rising
from the ground. A man saw Wally's ship and started to say something, then
he got a closer look at it and thought better of it.

It was all very quick. A minute later, there were only two ships in the
whole hangar, and everybody had gone. Wally scratched his head, wondering
what was going on.

Then he saw two figures, one hidden in a black hood, come in from a side
entrance. They ran for the ship beside him, the small unassuming ship he'd
never really taken any notice of. Both of them got in, and ten seconds
later the ship was up in the air. This one didn't head for the main
entrance, like the others, but instead flew toward one of the interior
gateways. It dawdled about at one for a bit, then entered.

This left the hangar empty and silent. Wally felt very alone.

Then the entire hangar shook.


Outside Pael, it was chaos. Wave after wave of fighters streamed out of the
Pael gateway, straight into an intense hail of pirate fire. Most of the
older, less manoeuvrable craft were cut down before they had a chance to
return fire. Those that made it out alive were instantly faced with the
problem of finding an enemy target when the space around you was filled with
laser blasts and speed-blurred fighters. Radio-communication was almost
nonexistent, and fighters just went after whatever targets they could spot.

Upchuck's black command vessel, situated some way back from the action,
could take a more sober view of the situation. Already at this early stage,
they had the upper hand. Most of the casualties were Pael craft, and the
battlecruiser hovering on the edge of the battle had just scored its first
major hit on the planetoid itself.

Upchuck himself took little part in the battle, which was being directed by
the group of command officers in front of him. However, this didn't prevent
him from watching proceedings with eagle eyes. While the others around him
worked, Upchuck sat back, almost unmoving, and gazed at the main
videoscreen.

Hence, he was one of the first to see the second wave of ships leaving
the Pael gateway, a tiny forest of green blips on the radarscope. He leant
forward. "What's the status of that second group of ships?" he growled, to
the nearest officer.

The officer adjusted his headset and tapped a few commands into his
console. "They seem to be civilian ships, mostly. Little offensive
capability. Packed nearly full with passengers. Probably an evacuation
fleet. Should we send a group of fighters to intercept them?"

Upchuck cursed, silently. It was too soon. While the overall outcome of the
battle was not in doubt, right now things still hung in the balance, and he
couldn't spare enough fighters to annihilate the evacuation fleet. How on
earth had they prepared so quickly? Upchuck was sure there'd been no word
leaked of their attack plan.

"No," he finally said. "Leave the fleet for the present. Send two fighters
to watch over them - if one of the ships is a Mark IV, destroy it."

The officer saluted.

Upchuck sat back again and stared at the main viewscreen, as a second blast
hit Pael. *You're not getting out of this, Guybrush. Like hell you're not.*


Elaine rushed through the wide grey corridors of Pael. With the evacuation
fleet out in space, the corridors were empty and quiet. Even Elaine,
running as fast as she could, made little noise on the shock-absorbent
floor.

She wasn't expecting to see anyone still around, so it came as a shock when
she saw ahead of her, at a junction of several passages, a man walking
hurriedly along.

Elaine slowed a little. Already suspicious, the suspicion grew when she saw
the way the man walked. He was walking with exaggerated care and constantly
glanced from side to side - but not, as yet, straight behind - as if he was
scouting out enemy territory. And the suspicion became a certainty when she
recognised, in profile, the face of Glen Williams.

Elaine's face flushed red with anger. She'd been right. Here was the
culprit. He wasn't anywhere near her red rock at the moment, but doubtless
that would change...

Quickly Elaine darted into an alcove. She drew out her blaster and primed
the energy cells. Shifting the blaster into her left hand, she reached into
her back pocket with the right and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. The
metal was encryption-locked and gunfire resistant. She locked one cuff
around her right wrist and held the other in her hand.

This had taken maybe five seconds. Elaine ducked back out into the
passageway, and immediately began running for Glen, keeping her head
low and footfalls silent. He hadn't gotten far in the five seconds he'd
been out of sight, and still he wasn't looking back. Elaine quickly closed
the gap, her eyes fixed on a spot high on his back.

Now right behind him, she leapt up into the air and yelled.

Guybrush, startled, nearly had a heart attack. Before he could do anything
other than flinch, a handcuff was slapped down on his wrist. He slowly
turned around, to see a flushed, headstrong woman with long red hair.

"You're under arrest," said Elaine.

Coming next week... captive.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 29: Tracking

Marko, seated at the controls of Simon's ship, flew them at a slow but safe
speed through the long, wide corridors of Pael. On a small monitor rising
from the control deck, the view changed constantly as various security
cameras tracked Elaine. Her current position on Pael was shown on a glowing
orange overlay. They'd had to cover a lot of distance, since the security
quarters were a fair distance from the hangars, but now they were getting
close.

Behind him, Simon came up the metal ladder from the basement. "The storage
area's clear," he said, coming forward and sitting beside Marko. "How's it
going? Have we got her?"

Marko nodded, pointing at the monitor.

"Good," said Simon. "Hang back for the moment. Give her a chance to get
where she's going."

Marko grunted. Simon felt uncomfortable. This alliance Marko had entered
into would be only temporary, Simon knew, unless he could somehow convince
Marko otherwise. He'd been trying day after day, but Marko showed no
interest in the various schemes Simon put forward. Probably he still saw
Simon as dispensable.

Which only left one other way out of his predicament - and Marko had
thought of that too. Before they'd even left the Space Canaille, Marko had
forced Simon, at gunpoint, to get rid of all his blasters, knives and
heavy tools. Now the only weapons Simon had were his hands, and he was no
good with either of them.

Marko suddenly sat up, startling Simon out of his worries. "What's she
doing?" said Marko, staring at the monitor.

Simon looked. On the monitor was an image of Elaine, taken from a security
camera in the ceiling. She was crouching in a dark alcove, a blaster raised
high in one hand, the other reaching in her pockets. As they watched, she
drew out a pair of cuffs and locked one around her wrist.

"What happened?" said Simon. Very quickly, it seemed to have gotten hotter
in here.

Marko looked confused. "I don't know. She saw this guy-"

On the monitor, they saw Elaine duck out of the alcove and start running.
Now Simon could see another figure on the monitor, a distant hurrying
figure. Elaine was running straight for him.

"Who's that?"

"How am I supposed to know? She saw him, and then she ducked into that
alcove and started fiddling with her blaster..."

The distant figure was growing larger on the monitor. They watched,
bewildered, as Elaine got right behind him, jumped up, and cuffed him. The
figure turned.

Marko's jaw dropped. "*GUYBRUSH??*"

At times like these, you acted on instinct. Marko jammed the throttle down.

Coming next week... convergence.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 30: Glen Unmasked

Guybrush finally managed to speak. "Wh- who are you?" he said.

Elaine gestured impatiently with her blaster. "I'm Elaine Marley, and don't
pretend you don't know it. Now get a move on."

She jammed the end of the blaster at the back of his head. Guybrush started
walking, pushed on by Elaine. "Where are we going?" he said. In space, the
penalties for stealing could be quite high, but maybe they had different
rules here...

"I'm taking you to Security," said Elaine grimly. "When the attack force
sees you've been captured, they might have second thoughts."

"Attack force?" blurted Guybrush, confused. He'd thought he was being
arrested for shoplifting, but this Elaine Marley seemed to have a different
idea. "Pael's under attack?"

He couldn't see it, but he could feel Elaine's stare on the back of his
head. "Nice try, but don't think you can bluff your way out of this one,
Glen - not that that's your real name, of course. I know you're acting as
an agent of Upchuck's. I know what you're here for. You're not getting it!"

Guybrush's throat had gone dry. "Upchuck?" he said. "This attack fleet
you're talking about is being commanded by Upchuck?"

Elaine rolled her eyes. "Spare us the innocence shtick. Who else is it
going to be, Father Christmas?"

"And... you're going to take me to Security? To show my face to Upchuck?"

"That's the plan," said Elaine. "And it'll be your job to convince him to
call off the attack. Fail and you'll die."

Guybrush drew in a breath. "Lady-"

Elaine knocked his head with the blaster. "Ms. Marley," she snapped.

Guybrush wanted to rub his head, but didn't dare. "All right, Ms. Marley...
what you're about to do is a very bad idea. If Upchuck sees me, it's not
going to have the effect you want. In fact, he'll probably try twice as
hard to destroy this starbase."

"Shut up," said Elaine. But she was troubled. Glen - or whoever he was -
was not at all acting like a captured secret agent. His surprise at hearing
about the attack had seemed genuine. Maybe he was just a good actor. But
what about his reaction to the name Upchuck? She'd seen him start at the
name. Why would he pretend Upchuck was his enemy? It couldn't help him.

"Stop," said Elaine suddenly. She came forward and studied Guybrush's face
closely. Guybrush, a little embarrassed by the close attention, tried to
look elsewhere.

Elaine gasped. "Guybrush Threepwood!"

Guybrush said, hastily, "It's not what you-"

Elaine looked at him with barely suppressed rage. "Oh, you're a *good*
actor, Guybrush. Nearly had me taken in!"

"Look, a few things have happened since-"

"Upchuck's right hand man. And you've got the cheek to try and pretend he's
got nothing to do with you!"

"I never said that he-"

"Move." Elaine jammed the blaster back against his head, harder than
before. She shoved at his back, pushing him into a half run.

"Will you listen to me? Upchuck doesn't-"

But Guybrush's words were drowned out. A loud noise filled the corridor
behind them, quickly growing louder.

They turned.

Coming next week... pickup.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 31: Wally Helps Out

Pulling up right before them, nearly filling the corridor from side to
side, was Boss Hog.

Guybrush had never been so happy to see it. "Wally!" he shouted.

A window on the front of Boss Hog slid open, and Wally poked his head out.
"There you are!" he said. "I've been trying to find you for ages. There's
some kind of battle going on outside!"

"I know," said Guybrush. "Now let's get out of here-"

Wally noticed Elaine. He peered at her. "Who's that?" he said.

"This?" said Guybrush. "This is Elaine Marley. She runs this place, I
think."

"Hello there," said Wally.

Elaine's confusion returned. When she'd first seen the ship, Elaine had
thought it was one of Upchuck's vessels, already inside her starbase. But
this red-haired kid was surely too young to be a space pirate. And he was
carrying on like he was at a tea party!

"Well, don't just stand there," said Wally. "We better get going. I don't
think it's going to be very safe around here." He drew his head back in the
window, which slid shut. A hatch opened in the base of Boss Hog, and a
metal ladder came down to the floor.

As soon as she saw it, Elaine knew what Guybrush intended to do. But
Guybrush was faster. He spun around and struck Elaine's hand, knocking the
blaster free. Before she could reach for it, Guybrush ran for the ladder,
dragging Elaine after him. Elaine pulled and strained, but she couldn't
quite stop his forward progress.

Like two people in a tug-of-war, Guybrush and Elaine slowly moved across
the floor. Guybrush's right hand grasped the edge of the metal ladder. He
felt around until he found the retractor button on the side, and pressed
it. The ladder began to rise. Elaine redoubled her struggles, now
frantically pulling at the cuffs, doing her best to pull him off the
ladder. Guybrush held on one-handed, his face going red.

Elaine's feet left the ground. She thrashed about in the air, and to
Guybrush it felt like his arm was about to fall out. Then they were up in
cargo bay. The square hatch below them shut, and gratefully Guybrush let go
of the ladder.

He landed on Elaine. "Get off me!" she shouted, pushing at him. Guybrush
rolled to one side, and Elaine sat up. "Well, thanks a lot," she said. "Now
put me back down!"

The ship rumbled beneath them, as Wally got them moving again.

"Be glad to," said Guybrush. "Unlock these handcuffs and we can get going."

"That's not possible. One, I still don't think you're innocent. Two, I
don't carry a key for these cuffs. You have to go to Security to get them
unlocked."

Guybrush groaned. "Great. Guess we're stuck together, then. Wonderful."

Elaine looked around, and her eyes widened. "A red rock!"

Guybrush looked at her. "You know what this stuff is?"

Elaine frowned at him. "I used to have one of these on Chora Luna, until
Upchuck stole it. No doubt you had something to do with it."

"Upchuck doesn't like me anymore," said Guybrush. "Tried to tell you that
earlier. And I didn't get this from Chora Luna - I retrieved it from a
wrecked space pirate vessel. Now will you get up? I want to get to the
cockpit."

Elaine stood up. She didn't know what to believe anymore. One thing she
could see, however, was that this wasn't her red rock. With all the tests
she'd subjected the stuff to - all inconclusive - she'd come to recognise
each little contour, hollow, and outcrop on the surface of the rock. This
rock was completely different.

Guybrush was dragging her away. "Come on," he said.

Elaine was lost in thought, and she put up little resistance to Guybrush's
tuggings. She couldn't be sure yet, but it looked like Guybrush was telling
the truth. Which meant Upchuck didn't know he was here. So what was Upchuck
after? It couldn't be as simple as a direct assault on Pael, could it?

She was still thinking this over when they entered the cockpit. "Great to
see you, Wally," said Guybrush, giving his copilot a slap on the back.
"Let's get out of here."

These words jolted Elaine back to life. "Hey, what are you talking about?
You're not going anywhere! I'm needed here!"

Wally looked around, and did a double take. "Wow!" he blurted out. "What's
she doing here?"

"It's a long story," said Guybrush.

Wally looked adoringly at Elaine. "You're beautiful!" he said.

"Oh, shut up," said Elaine.

Wally was still staring at her. Completely oblivious to the view out the
front viewscreen, where a tiny black shape at the end of the passage was
rapidly growing in magnitude. "Watch out!" shouted Guybrush, and leapt
for the controls. Unfortunately, the handcuffs were too short, and he ended
up on the floor instead.

Elaine took over. Seeing the oncoming threat, she leant forward over
Guybrush and cut the throttle. They came to a dead halt.

Wally finally looked around. In the passage before them, blocking the way
out, was a squat black ship. "Oh dear," said Wally.

Coming next week... old enemies.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 32: Marko v. Guybrush

"Who is that?" said Guybrush. "It doesn't look like one of Upchuck's
fighters. Does Pael have ships like this?"

"No," said Elaine. They were all staring at the black ship, which had not
yet moved.

Then the comm link flickered, which meant the ship was about to communicate
with them. A face appeared on the screen, and as they saw it Elaine and
Guybrush began to speak at once.

"*That's* the man that stole my red rock!" said Elaine indignantly. "He-"

"That's Marko Bent!" exclaimed Guybrush. "He's one of Upchuck's guys-"

"-the fighters must be inside Pael! Upchuck's already got his men-"

"-they're after me! Marko never liked me-"

They both shut up, because Marko had begun talking. "Guybrush Threepwood,"
he said, in an even voice. "I'll keep this short and simple. I know you've
got Elaine Marley on your ship. Hi there, Governess," he added for Elaine's
benefit, his voice not changing at all. "Put her down on the floor of this
passage, then fly off, and I'll pick her up. You have precisely one minute
to do this. If you don't do as I say, you get blasted into tiny hot bits.
All understood?"

Elaine leant forward over the comms equipment. "You bastard," she said.
"Upchuck's sent you to get my second rock, did he? What'd you do with
the first?"

Marko paled momentarily at the mention of Upchuck, then he laughed. "Oh no,
this has nothing to do with Upchuck. Strictly freelance."

"I wouldn't try anything, Marko," warned Guybrush. "We've got you
out-powered and outgunned."

Marko laughed again. "You never did know how to bluff, Guybrush. Remember.
One minute." Then he shut off the link.

Immediately, Elaine turned to Guybrush and an urgent discussion began.

"How fast can this thing go?" said Elaine.

"Normally - quite fast," said Guybrush. Seeing Elaine's face he added, "At
the moment, not very fast at all."

"So there's no chance of outrunning them?"

"Until we get a chance to repair, I wouldn't trust this ship to turn around
safely."

"What about firepower?"

"Fifty seconds left," announced Wally.

"Ummm... well, we don't have much of it."

"Right. So you're basically saying we're sitting ducks."

"Ummm... yeah."

Elaine thought. "Maybe if I was to get off the ship, run underneath their
ship, and sabotage it somehow..."

"Forty seconds."

"They'd be watching," said Guybrush. "Besides, you're still handcuffed to
me."

"Don't remind me," said Elaine bitterly. She could feel the seconds ticking
away, not just the seconds on Marko's minute, but the seconds as Upchuck's
fighters, vastly superior in numbers and technology, swarmed around Pael
and slowly gained the upper hand.

There was very little time left in which to save Pael. Maybe already it was
too late...

Coming next week... Elaine helps out.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 33: Hack and a Half

Elaine bit her lip. To hell with it...

She looked at Guybrush. "Does this ship have a NC-10 communications
terminal?"

"Ummm..."

"It does," said Wally. "Thirty seconds," he added.

"Show me the controls."

Wally scrambled out of his seat, nearly tripping in his haste. "Right
here!" he said, pointing to a small black keyboard. Elaine came forward and
sat down, with Guybrush dragged helplessly behind. She began typing
furiously.

"What are you doing?" said Guybrush, his handcuffed hand being jerked
around by all the movement.

Elaine's eyes never left the monochrome readout and her fingers never left
the keyboard. "Hacking into Pael's maintenance AI bot. It's supposed to be
impregnable, but I know most of the passwords."

"How long is this going to take?" said a worried Guybrush.

"Twenty seconds," Wally and Elaine said simultaneously. They looked at each
other. "Or so," added Elaine. She stopped typing for a moment, looked up,
and studied the walls on either side of the ship. "Wally, is it? I think it
might be a good idea if we back up a few metres."

Wally jumped into the pilot's chair, and grabbed the flight yoke. Right
away, the ship jerked backward.

The next instant, Marko fired.

It was a glancing blow, and the only indication that anything had been hit
was the sudden dip and flash of the room's lighting, and a barely felt
shudder that was gone even as it came.

"Warning shot," said Guybrush.

"Ten seconds," said Wally.

Elaine ignored them. Her fingers whipped across the keyboard like a video
stuck on fast-forward.

Without any warning, a thick metal wall shot up right before them, closing
off the passageway.

Elaine sat back and sighed. "Did it," she said. "That should hold them for
a while."

Guybrush stared at the blank, featureless metal wall. There was perhaps a
couple of inches clearance between it and the ship. "What did you do?" he
said.

"All these passages are closed off at regular intervals by bulkheads," said
Elaine. "We use them for various security purposes... don't think I'm going
to tell you what these are..."

"Are there others in this passage?" said Guybrush, interrupting. He'd just
had an idea. "I mean, if there's one behind Marko's ship, we could trap
him!"

Elaine sat up, an irritated look on her face. "Never thought of that." She
typed away for five seconds, then sat back again. "Done."

"Did it work?" asked Wally.

"Can't tell," said Elaine. "They might have reversed in time. They might be
trapped inside. The bulkhead might have cut their ship in half."

She stood up, and looked at them both. "Now let's go-"

Elaine suddenly stopped. She had no idea what she'd been about to say.

"Go?" asked Guybrush. "Go where?"

Coming next week... tracing a route.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 34: Elaine Joins Up

Elaine's view of the cockpit:

In front of her, in the left corner of her vision, the slightly short guy
Guybrush called Wally. Red hair, pudgy hands, intense, guileless eyes. The
monocle made him look somewhat like an otter. On her right, closer, the
space pirate Guybrush Threepwood. Medium-sized, long lanky ponytail, filthy
clothes and unwashed face. All around them, the cockpit. An oily, grimy
floor; walls hung with tattered photos of Earth landscapes, family and
friends, and tacky tourist souvenirs; the ceiling dim and dotted here and
there by hanging clumps of wire.

Looking at this, Elaine began to get very depressed. She could see the
future stretching out in front of her...

But there was only one thing they could do.

Elaine began talking. "I've got another of those red rocks, here on Pael."

"We call them portal stones," said Guybrush.

"Can't say I've heard that name before. Anyway, I'm almost certain Marko
knows about it. He probably knows where it is. I'd never ask this in a
normal situation, but I'd like you two to help me pick it up."

Guybrush brightened up. Handcuffed or not to this hostile stranger, the
prospect of imminent enrichment still had its allure.

"We'll be glad to!" said Wally excitedly. He was back in the flight chair.
"Can I fly you there? You can give me directions."

Elaine sighed. "All right. Left up here..."

As they started moving, Guybrush began thinking. If they handled this
right, they could come out of it with two portal stones. Once it was in the
hold, a quick phaser shot and they could be off. Immediately, however,
Guybrush had a vision of being handcuffed to a corpse for all eternity.
Urgh... better set the phaser to stun.

But what was Elaine planning? Having seen her outwit Marko Bent, Guybrush
knew she wasn't slow. She must know they would plan to steal her portal
stone. Which meant she would have a counter plan... some way of keeping
them on Pael until she could summon reinforcements. Maybe she already
had - she'd certainly used the keyboard for a long time.

And if all that wasn't enough to worry about, there was Upchuck's pirate
fleet. Why was it here? To destroy Pael? Get the portal stone? Or get
Guybrush? The appearance of Marko was too extraordinary to be a coincidence,
but what did it signify?

Dozens of unanswered questions floated through Guybrush's head, making him
dizzy. It seemed like only a few seconds had passed before Wally pulled up
and Elaine said, "Here we are."

She sat down, again pulling Guybrush forward, and typed commands into the
NC-10. Guybrush looked out the viewscreen, and saw a blank metal wall with
a horizontal slit in it - twice the width of their ship -  about halfway up.
As he watched, the slit widened into a thin rectangle as the two halves of
the door pulled away from each other. The room beyond was very dark.

The doors were now fully open. Wally edged them forward. He hit a few
switches and lights came on, repainting the room yellow.

The portal stone sat alone on the floor, starkly defined in the light.

Elaine breathed a sigh of relief. Guybrush whistled. "It's big," he said.
"Where'd you get it?"

Elaine ignored him. She turned to Wally. "All right, turn us round to face
the door. If Marko comes along, we'll be ready."

This did not particularly please Guybrush. "Pardon me, Ms. Marley, but
that's not a good idea. If Marko knows where the portal stone is, he'll
expect us to be here waiting for him. And Marko is the kind of guy who
comes up with counter-measures. You've got to get this stone elsewhere
while you still can. I know you're not about to trust us, but that's really
all you can do."

Elaine sighed. "Okay, we'll do it your way. Wally, pull it up."

Coming next week... threatened.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 35: Not Much Time

A few seconds later, there were two portal stones in the hold. The moment
they were secured, Guybrush tapped Wally on the shoulder. "Time to go," he
said.

Wally looked at Guybrush, then he turned to Elaine. "Where do you want us
to go?" he asked politely.

Guybrush ground his teeth. His handcuffed hand twitched. "Wally-"

"Anywhere," said Elaine. "Just keep us moving."

Gently, Wally moved Boss Hog out into the passageway. Once they were
moving, Elaine came forward again and reached for the NC-10 controls,
dragging an unwilling Guybrush along.

"Do you really have to do that now?" Guybrush protested.

Elaine wasn't paying much attention. She was back in the cyberworld of
Pael's automated machine systems. Intrigued despite himself, Guybrush
stopped pulling back and took a look over her shoulder.

The small flat-LCD screen of the NC-10 was tiled with various videoscreen
images. Most of them were of empty passages, tilted strangely and viewed
from above. Guybrush realised Elaine was taking a look through the security
cameras.

Perhaps sensing Guybrush peering over her shoulder, Elaine launched into an
explanation. "I'm looking for Marko," she said. "Don't want him sneaking up
on us unexpectedly..."

She stopped. Guybrush felt her freeze.

A new image had appeared on the NC-10, apparently taken from a security
camera in the main hangar. Unlike all the other static passages, this one
was full of energy and movement. Fighters whizzed about at unsafe speeds,
explosions lit up the background with flickering orange light, and laser
fire shot across the screen. No sound, but Guybrush could imagine it well
enough.

Upchuck's fighters had penetrated Pael's defence.

"It's over," said Elaine. There was barely any emotion in her voice.
"Upchuck's got Pael. Ten billion credits gone." She looked disoriented and
confused. Wally offered her a tissue, which was ignored.

"We've got to get out," said Guybrush. He felt like his arteries were
filled with liquid ice. The NC-10 image was stuck on that main hangar, but
Guybrush could well imagine the fighters penetrating further, spreading
out... and finally coming to them. No way out.

This changed everything.

He shook Elaine. "Is there any other way out?" Guybrush said urgently.

Elaine seemed to come back to her senses. "Yes..." she began tentatively,
before a sudden urgency gripped her. "Yes there is. A construction exit
that hasn't been used in ages."

"How do we get there?"

"I'll fly." Elaine sat down in the seat next to Wally. She reached forward
for the controls, with Guybrush's arm an unwanted appendage.

They sped away. Within seconds Elaine had twice sent them crashing into the
passage walls, admittedly glancing blows but the ship shuddered terribly.
"Are you sure you can fly these things?" said Guybrush, gripping a seat
leg.

"I haven't in a while," said Elaine. "These controls are too heavy..."

Steadily she improved her flying, and the crashes became fewer. They sped
up. Passages flew by in a blur, but Elaine was prudent enough to slow down
carefully for each corner. Guybrush found himself glancing out the rear
viewscreen occasionally. No pursuit yet.

"How much further?" said Wally.

Coming next week... one way out.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 36: Escape

The passage abruptly ended. "We're here," announced Elaine. She swivelled
around, and typed a few commands into the NC-10. The hatchway in front of
them opened.

They flew forward into a small airlock, barely large enough to house Boss
Hog. "Wait a bit," said Elaine. A few seconds later, she said, "The back
hatchway's closed." She typed some more, then the hatchway at their front
opened. Beyond was the dotted emptiness of space.

"Wally," said Guybrush, "floor it."

They sped out from the hatchway.


Several minutes ago, the battle had been won. Upchuck's fighters, and the
Pael defence, had been concentrated around the main gateway. As the last
Pael fighter was blown into smithereens (whatever they are) Upchuck
immediately put phase two of his plan into operation. Half the fighters
were to enter Pael and flush it out. A few more would check out the
evacuation fleet, make sure Guybrush wasn't among them. And the rest were
to spread out evenly over Pael's surface, keeping every inch under
scrutiny.

If they'd managed to leave five minutes earlier, Guybrush, Elaine and Wally
would most probably have gotten away without being seen. Now, the moment
they left the hangar Boss Hog was spotted by seven pirate craft. The craft
flew straight for them, lasers firing.

Wally jerked the controls, and Guybrush jumped up into the air. He ran for
the door. The handcuffs pulled him up short, and Guybrush fell on his back.
"Come on!" he shouted at Elaine, as he got back to his feet. He grabbed her
hand and pulled her along behind him.

"What are you doing?" shouted Elaine as they ran down the narrow passage.

"We've only got one chance!" said Guybrush. "Wally can't outrun these
guys..."

He came to a ladder and half-ran, half fell down it. Elaine was nearly
dragged through headfirst. In the passage below, Guybrush ran forward to a
door and threw it open. The hold.

They ran inside, and Guybrush reached for his hip. Nothing there. Of course
- he'd left his blaster back in the cockpit. He glanced at Elaine, and saw
a blaster hanging off her belt.

Guybrush pointed at the portal stones. They sat side by side, nearly
touching. "Shoot them," he said.

Elaine looked at him unbelievingly. "What? Why?"

Desperation: "*Just do it!*"

Elaine drew her blaster, not very convinced. She aimed at Guybrush's portal
stone, and fired.


Seven laser bolts impacted on empty space. Two seconds later, the pirate
craft crashed into each other. Where Boss Hog had been, there was nothing.

Coming next week... two close enemies.


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 37: Another Exit

Marko and Simon were speeding through the main Pael passages, desperately
searching for Guybrush's ship.

It had all gone terribly wrong. Marko *knew* he'd been handling things
badly, *knew* the one minute time limit had been a mistake. He'd been about
to blow them up when the metal bulkhead cut them off. He'd made the mistake
of underestimating Guybrush. And Elaine Marley.

Simon was not in the cockpit with him. When the bulkhead had swished up,
Marko had immediately hit reverse. A few seconds later another bulkhead,
behind the first, had also shut. They'd nearly been cut in half, making it
out with only a few metres to spare. From this point on, Marko had been
flying flat out through these twisting passages, trying to get as far away
from Elaine as possible. If she could control bulkheads remotely - and who
else would have done that? - then it would not pay to hang around. Next
time she might get them. All the breakneck turns and sharp acceleration had
bumped Simon around a bit, and maybe he'd left because he'd had enough
bruises. But Marko thought otherwise. He guessed Simon had gotten a good,
close look at his face, at the anger which Marko knew must be clouding his
features. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to realise that if they
didn't get Elaine's portal stone, their relationship would need a very
rapid reappraisal...

As he flew, however, and as Simon continued not to appear, Marko grew more
nervous. Finally he pulled the ship to a halt, and stood up from the
pilot's seat. He took his blaster and primed it, setting the power setting
to lethal. Should have shot him as soon as they'd taken off... more
mistakes from Marko.

He paused at the doorway. The main passage stretched out in front of him,
short and narrow. Well lit. No space for an ambush. Marko edged forward,
blaster held high, slowing as he approached doorways. At each doorway he
whipped the blaster around, ducked, and rolled in. In each room, the end
result was the same - no Simon.

He came to a hatchway in the floor. The two portal stones were here - it
led down to the hold. Marko, rather than bending down for the latches,
kicked it up. He jumped back and waited for the blaster fire.

None. Marko edged forward, sighting down his blaster. The ladder ran down
to the floor in front of him, and he couldn't see Simon. But most of the
room was hidden from view, and how could he get down there? Just walking
down would present his legs as perfect targets. Going down head first was
even more ludicrous.

Time for bold measures. Marko jumped down, hitting the metal floor with a
loud clatter. He sprang up, and darted behind a cupboard. Then, ever so
slowly, he turned to look at the room.

The portal stones took up most of the hold. Standing between them was
Simon, his head visible. One hand was held up, and in it was a blaster.

No time for thought. No time to wonder where Simon had sprung the blaster
from. Marko fired. As he ducked back into cover, he heard the 'spang!' as
his blast hit a metal wall. Simon must have ducked in time.

Before Marko could take any more action, Simon spoke up. "I think you
should listen very carefully, Marko," he called out. Sounded like he was
sprawled on the floor. "I thought you might try to kill me. So I may as
well warn you that this blaster I'm holding is pressed against one of the
portal stones. If you try that again, I'll fire."

"That's all?" said Marko. The threat didn't worry him much... with Upchuck
apparently set to destroy Pael, teleportation might be their only way out.
It shouldn't be too hard to reverse the process. "Even if you do it, I'll
just kill you afterward."

"Ah, but then how will you get back? You might find, Marko, that you're
stranded on the other side of the galaxy. How are you going to make the
portal stones transport you back to the Solar System? Know any ways?"

"And you do?" countered Marko. He edged out from behind the cupboard. The
portal stones still hid Simon from sight. Marko edged forward, using them as
cover.

"I know a few techniques," said Simon.

Moving with a quickness and agility that surprised even himself, Marko
rounded the portal stone, and fired into the gap between the stones.

Simon wasn't there. Even before the sound of his shot had faded, Marko felt
the air move behind him. Blaster in hand, Simon had come around from behind
the *other* portal stone.

"Oh dear," said Simon. "Seems I can't trust you, Marko." His finger
tightened on the trigger.

Marko had no time to move, and his blaster was pointed wholly in the wrong
direction. He shot it anyway.

The blast hit one of the portal stones. Together, they suddenly fired with
a red glow. Simon looked around, his jaw dropping. "You-"

Marko charged at him.

Coming next week... what deep space really is.

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 38: Alone

"Cute," said Elaine.

Guybrush glanced at her, caught by surprise.

"Most interesting," she continued. "Rocks that flash when you shoot them,
before jumping into the air and spinning around a bit. Neat party trick.
Now," here her voice grew more serious, "why the hell did we have to do
that?"

Guybrush pulled her back to the doorway. It had worked, and Guybrush was
feeling better now. They still had this woman, but at least they were out
of danger. "Come on, I'll show you," he said, "Ms. Marley."

They went back up the ladder and along the passageway. In the cockpit, they
found Wally checking the various controls. Everything looked fairly normal.

"So, where are we, Wally?" said Guybrush.

Beside Guybrush, Elaine suddenly stopped, and raised a hand to her mouth.
Right in front of her, out of the viewscreen, was nothing but empty space.
What had happened to all the pirate ships? The huge bulk of Pael? "What...
happened?" she said.

Guybrush looked at her, waiting for Elaine to piece it together.

"You mean... when I shot the portal stones they... they're some kind of
matter transportation system?"

"That's right," said Guybrush. "And they've already saved our neck twice."

"Uh, Guybrush..." said Wally.

"Wow!" said Elaine, suddenly seized by a overwhelming vision. "Imagine what
you could do with this stuff! You could save a fortune on fuel... set up
rapid transport between the planets..."

"Guybrush, I think something's wrong," said Wally.

This got their attention. "What is it, Wally?" said Guybrush.

"I don't know where we are."

This shouldn't have been any cause for alarm. As far as they knew, the
portal stones sent them to entirely random locations in the Solar System.
Of course they wouldn't know where they were... at least, until they'd had
a bit of a look around. But some intuition made Guybrush look up, back out
the viewscreen. And he felt the first stirrings of alarm.

The stars were unrecognisable.

To someone on earth this might not have seemed very ominous, but on earth
the view of the night sky was affected by latitude and rotation. Out in the
freedom of space there was just one backdrop, the Milky Way as seen from
this small far-flung corner. Because the stars were so far away, there was
barely any parallax as you moved from Mercury to Pluto. Space Pirates,
those that spent their lives out in the deep of space, soon knew the
backdrop of stars like the back of their hand.

Now, this familiar vista was nowhere to be seen. Confronting Guybrush were
constellations and groupings of stars that were *completely* unfamiliar.
He started to get a very bad idea.

This was lost on Elaine, who hadn't spent the same amount of time in space.
She was merely confused. "What do you mean you don't know where we are?"
she asked Wally.

Wally looked up from the controls. "Uh, the portal stones take us to a
different location each time. It's randomised somehow."

"But we *are* in the Solar System, right?"

Wally looked uncomfortable. "Well, we *should* be..."

Elaine's mouth dropped open again. "What do you mean *should be*? Where are
we?" She looked to Guybrush, hoping for some sanity, but the blank look on
his face didn't help at all.

"The onboard computer is just calculating the distances to the stars on the
viewscreen," said Wally. "Once it does that, it'll be able to pinpoint our
place in the galaxy."

"In the *GALAXY!?!*"

"It's just coming up..." There were five seconds of tense silence, with
Elaine and Oscar staring at the computer readout, and Guybrush somewhat
lost beside them, staring out into space, trying to puzzle out the stars.

A figure flashed up.

"We're forty thousand light years from Earth," read Wally.

Coming next week... how to take bad news.


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 39: And Not Liking It

Nobody said anything. For just a few seconds they just stood there, like a
three-dimensional still life.

Then Elaine turned and punched Guybrush on the chin.

The blow knocked his head back. His legs buckled, and he fell backwards.
But the handcuff chain pulled him up cold, his head only a foot from the
floor.

Guybrush blinked, shook his head, and looked at Elaine. She was holding a
hand out to him.

"Sorry," said Elaine. "I shouldn't have done that."

Guybrush took her hand and pulled himself back up. He rubbed his jaw. "Ow.
That's some punch."

Wally looked at Elaine. "Does this mean you're going to be staying with
us?" he said hopefully.

"I guess so," sighed Elaine. "Handcuffed to this idiot and trapped on the
wrong side of the galaxy, I don't think I have a choice..."

"Cool!" said Wally. He bounded out of his chair, and ran past them to the
doorway. "Let me show you around."

Elaine looked at Guybrush, who shrugged. They followed behind, each
sticking close to one side of the hallway.

Wally was leading them through the ship. "Okay. This is the third level of
the ship. We spend most of our time up here. That doorway on the left leads
to Guybrush's sleeping quarters." Elaine took a look inside. She saw a
gray, almost entirely bare room. Half the space was taken up by the bed.

"On the right is my sleeping quarters," continued Wally. This room,
although just as small as Guybrush's, was at least partially decorated. The
walls were covered in posters, most of them coloured astronomical
photographs.

Wally was already leading them past. "That small turn in the passage only
leads to a few closets and things. The doorway doesn't go anywhere, it's
just used to access the heating system."

Elaine looked where Wally was pointing. A few of the metal plates around
here were still buckled from the fire, and the doorway was visibly singed.
"Classy ship," she said.

"You don't like my ship?" said Guybrush.

Elaine looked at him. "I can't believe you're asking that as if you don't
know the answer."

They all climbed down the stairs, Guybrush and Elaine grumbling. "Here we
are on the second level," said Wally. There were two doors on their left,
two on the right, and one at the end of the passage.  "Follow me," said
Wally. They walked along to the far side of the passage. "This door opens
up on the engine system," said Wally. "We're almost directly under the
cockpit here." He turned back around. "Come on."

They opened the first door. "This is our kitchen and food store," said
Wally. Elaine looked in. She saw a bench, lots of cupboards, and no
utensils. She started to feel sick. Elaine especially enjoyed a good meal,
and it didn't look likely she'd have too many in the near future.

Wally shut the door and they came to the next. "This is our bathroom," said
Wally, for some reason not electing to open the door. "It's got a mirror, a
sink, a toilet, and a bath/shower unit. Plus there's a special antigrav
unit installed in there. Have you ever had a zero-gravity shower, Elaine?
You've just got to."

They crossed the passage, and this doorway Wally did open. "This is the rec
room," he said, pointing inside. Elaine, peering inside, saw a dimly lit
metal table. The sick feeling intensified.

"Could do with a bit of sprucing up," Wally admitted. "Well, come on." They
came to the last door. Guybrush was dragging his feet somewhat, and an
irritated Elaine yanked him forward. "This room doesn't really have a
specific purpose," said Wally. The room in front of him contained a large,
spongy-looking couch, several cupboards, and the opposite wall contained a
large circular window. Within, tiny sterile points of light shone flatly in
the blackness. "Sometimes we use it as a secondary storage room, but we
don't have a lot of haul at the moment."

He shut the door, and went back down to the passage. At the ladder he
stopped. "One thing I forgot... if you keep climbing up this ladder, you
get to a hatchway that lets you out on the top of the ship. It's neat."

They climbed down the ladder. It didn't take them down to another passage,
but instead into a large open area. There was a faint pink glow on the
walls. It was the hold, and the glow came from the portal stones.

"Well, we've reached bottom," said Wally, stepping off the ladder. "This is
our main storage room. Not much in it at the moment, although I suspect
these two rocks here might be worth a bit..."

Elaine ground her teeth.

"Well, that's the tour," said Wally. "You're going to love it here, I'm
sure. Any questions?"

Coming next week... no way.


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 40: Indestructible

"I have a few," said Elaine.

She looked at Guybrush. "First, is there any way we can get back?"

Guybrush looked wretched. "I don't know any way to reverse what these
portal stones do..."

"Well, why don't you just shoot them again?"

Wally spoke up. "They send us to a different place each-"

"We're already forty thousand light years from earth," continued Elaine.
"How could we end up in a worse position?"

"We could end up eighty thousand light years from earth," said Guybrush.
"At these kinds of distances, the chance that we could make it back to
earth are practically zero."

"But it's our only chance," said Elaine.

"Yeah, I guess it might be," said Guybrush. "But I've just got a bad feeling
about these portal stones."

"You're telling me," said Elaine sourly.

"It just seems to me that each time we use these portal stones, we'll end
up further and further from Earth. And the only way we're going to get back
is if we know exactly what we're doing."

"And of course we don't have enough fuel to fly back to Earth," said
Elaine.

"I'll have to do the sums, but yeah, I think you're right. And it would
take centuries anyway."

Elaine shook her head. "Well, thanks for those answers. Really cheering.
Question two: how are we going to get these handcuffs off?"

"Can I try?" said Wally eagerly. He ran to a cupboard, and rummaged around
inside. He emerged holding a hacksaw in one hand. "Sharpest one we've got,"
said Wally. "The teeth are made of a titanium-boron alloy."

"It'll be useless," said Elaine.

"We can at least try it," said Guybrush. Elaine sighed. They walked over to
a metal workbench, and rested the handcuff chain on the surface.

Guybrush and Elaine faced each other over the bench. "Arm wrestle?"
suggested Guybrush.

"Shut up."

Wally then started sawing away at the chain. A terrible, high-pitched
squeal filled the room. The hacksaw blade began to smoke, and then the
teeth began to fly off the blade.

Wally stopped sawing, and gazed at the handcuffs in awe. "Wow. What are
these things made of?" he said.

"It's classified," said Elaine. "Meaning I don't know. But they're
encryption-locked and resistant to blaster fire, so basically anything
you try is going to fail."

"How about I hit it with a cleaver?" said Wally. He rushed off to another
cupboard, and came back with a heavy, deadly-looking butcher's cleaver. He
held it high above the chain, then swung it hard.

The blade bounced off the chain, turned nearly one hundred and eighty
degrees, flew back up in the air, and hit the floor just to one side of
Guybrush.

"Whoops," said Wally.

"Perhaps we might try something else," said Guybrush evenly. He kicked the
cleaver away.

"There's some more tools upstairs," said Wally. He climbed up the ladder,
leaving Guybrush and Elaine alone in the hold.

"I wonder how many people my ancestors killed," said Elaine softly.

"What?"

"You can't build up this much bad karma in one lifetime," she said. "Or two
lifetimes, even. You'd need at least ten lives of evil."

"Look, I know we're in a bad situation," said Guybrush. "But can't you stop
moaning about it? We're stuck together and it looks like it'll stay that
way, so we're just going to have to get along."

"Get along?" Elaine laughed bitterly. "With you two? On this wreck?"

"It's not such a bad ship," said Guybrush, a little angrily. "And if you're
going to have that kind of attitude of course things are going to be
terrible. You're being frank with me, so I'll return the favour. I don't
really like you, Elaine. There are hundreds of people I'd rather spend
eternity with. But they're not here. You are. And there's nothing we can do
about it. So, Ms. Marley, if-"

"Elaine."

Guybrush stopped, confused by the interruption. "What-"

"Call me Elaine." She was crying.

Coming next week... ingenuity

			SPACE PIRATES

Part 41: It begins

Guybrush and Elaine were down in the cargo bay, sitting next to each other
up against one wall, still handcuffed.

Thirty minutes had passed, most of it in silence. It was the longest, most
hopeless half-hour Guybrush could remember.

Now, finally, Wally was coming back down the ladder. His hands were empty.

Elaine and Guybrush stayed where they were. But Wally didn't come over and
talk to them. Instead, he crossed the room, placed both hands on one of
the portal stones, and ran them over the surface.

"Wally?" said Guybrush. "What-"

Now Wally stepped back and came toward them. His hands, held outward toward
Guybrush, were covered in red dust from the portal stone.

"I've got an idea, Mr. Brush," said Wally. He knelt down between them, and
ran his dust-covered hands over the handcuff chain. "Hold still, both of
you." His fingers moved slowly and carefully, covering every inch of the
chain. When this was done to his satisfaction, he started to rub the dust
onto the cuffs. "This bit is a bit tricky. Don't want to get any of this on
your hands."

Two minutes later, the job was done. Wally stood up, brushing his hands
together. He wiped them on a cloth.

"Now what?" said Guybrush.

In answer, Wally unholstered his blaster, took careful aim, and fired.

The energy bolt struck the handcuff chain, and vanished into the dust.
Guybrush and Elaine watched, and a faint light appeared. It grew in
intensity, into a red wire running the length of the handcuff chain and
along both cuffs. Then it was the brightest thing in the room. Elaine and
Guybrush had to shut their eyes.

The silence was almost total. After a few seconds Guybrush started to feel
a bit stupid. He opened one eye, then opened both. The red glow was gone.
And so, when he glanced down at his arm, were the handcuffs.

Elaine lifted her arm up wonderingly and massaged the wrist.

"You're a lifesaver, Wally," said Guybrush fervently. "How on earth did you
think of that?"

He stood up, and Elaine did likewise. "Well, ... Elaine, you're free," said
Guybrush. "Relatively speaking."

"Thank you, Wally," said Elaine. To Guybrush, she said, "Yes. Relatively
speaking. And now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get some sleep."

Guybrush glanced up at the digital clock near the ceiling. Ten-twenty, and
yes, he felt a bit tired too. "If you must," he said. "Take the couch up
on the second level for now. We'll work out a more permanent arrangement
tomorrow.

"And who knows?" added Guybrush, looking at Wally and Elaine. "A sleep
might get us all feeling better. Maybe it won't seem so bad in the
morning."

Elaine looked at him witheringly; Wally ignored him. They both climbed up
the ladder and out of the hold.

Guybrush took one last look at the two portal stones. It was really
incomprehensible. Because of these things, they were clear on the other
side of the galaxy. Trapped, with a third crew member, one who looked like
being very hard to live with...

Without another word to Wally or Elaine, Guybrush climbed the ladder,
entered his room, and fell asleep on the bed.

Coming next week... captain's log, stardate 1


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 42: The next day

Boss Hog did not have any shipboard routines. There was no
computer-controlled dimming of the lights to indicate night; no bland
female voices piped over the intercom to alert the crew to special events;
no penalties for missing breakfast. You could sleep as long as you like,
and there was nothing to stop you.

So it wasn't until 2pm the next day, shipboard time, that Guybrush finally
woke. At first, he lay there in a state of blissful unawareness, then the
events of yesterday flooded back.

Guybrush groaned, and swung himself out of bed. He dressed, and stepped out
into the passageway.

It was quiet. Guybrush could hear the low rumble of the engines, and he
could hear faint noises from the cockpit - Wally must be in there. But
nothing else.

Guybrush climbed down the ladder to the second level. Coming to the rec
room, he found Elaine.

She was sitting on one of the chairs, staring into space with a frown on her
face. She saw Guybrush, and stood up. "Hello there, Guybrush," said Elaine.
"I see you're finally up. Would you like to know what I've been doing for
the last five hours?"

"Not really," said Guybrush. He walked out of the room and into the
kitchen.

Elaine rushed in behind him. "Well!" she said. "What was that for? You
don't have to act like a jerk just because you've got an unwanted guest on
board. Hey! Look at me!"

Guybrush kept his back turned. He was looking at the kitchen. Normally,
this was just two plastic desks, and a lot of boxes of food pills stacked
away behind cupboard doors.

Right now, both desks were piled up with half-opened food boxes,
reconstituting equipment, and bizarre utensils Guybrush didn't even
recognise. Blue liquid stained one corner of the desk.

"That's from when I was trying to fix some breakfast," said Elaine. "I was
trying to find something that wasn't food pills. No luck. Don't you guys
have anything you celebrate with, at least?"

"We're kind of low key here," said Guybrush. He turned to her. "Now listen.
This is my ship. I run it the way I like it. And I don't want you running
around mucking things up. Okay?"

Elaine glared at him. "You think I'm supposed to be intimidated by that?"

Guybrush turned to leave.

"Where are you going now?" said Elaine.

"Secondary storage room," said Guybrush. "Better see what else you've
done."

They entered the secondary storage room. Guybrush looked around critically
for any changes. Elaine had pushed the couch up against one wall, and one
of the cupboards was open (revealing a bare interior), but nothing else had
changed.

"Everything fine here?" said Elaine bitterly.

"It's okay," said Guybrush. "And it better stay that way."

"Like hell!" spat Elaine. "This is my bedroom. I'll do whatever I want in
here, thank you very much. I know you don't like having me here, but I'm
not going to spend my days skulking around the ship like some unwanted
disease."

"Can't you just find something else to do?" said Guybrush.

Elaine laughed. "Do? There's nothing to do here. I was looking around for
paper, but you don't have any. Probably don't even have any pens. You don't
have any books. No music. The only computers on this ship are in the
cockpit. I'd like to know what *you* spend your day doing."

"All right," said Guybrush. "I'll show you."

Coming next week... space all around


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 43: Less drama than usual

Guybrush led Elaine up to the third level, and into the cockpit.

As he'd been expecting, Wally was here, sitting in the copilot seat and
working with the computer. Guybrush came forward and sat beside him.

"Hello, Mr Brush," said Wally.

"Hi, Wally. How's it looking?"

"Not so good," said Wally. "The nearest star is two light-years away, and
it looks pretty bare. I've got the computer doing a probability estimate on
the nearest planetary system, but that'll be about ten minutes."

"Oh," said Guybrush. He looked out of the viewscreen, at that unfamiliar
pattern of stars and galaxies. Tens of thousands of lights pricked at his
eyes. Constellations never before seen by man. Neutron stars. Supernovae.
Nebula swarms. Dust clouds and brown dwarfs. Just imagine the mysteries
concealed all around them. Alien civilisations. New chemical compounds.
Completely different systems of thought and belief...

"Ahem." Elaine, coughing, broke what had become a long stretch of silence.
"So this is what you guys do all day?" she said.

Guybrush and Wally both turned around. Wally perked up. "Elaine?" he said.
"You turned up!"

Guybrush, a little resentful at being pulled back to reality, said, "Well,
no. Normally we'd have more to do, what with flying through the solar
system, avoiding debris and shooting space pirates. It gets very busy here.
Usually."

Wally jumped out of his chair, looking eagerly at Elaine. "Is there
anything I can get you? Food? Cushions? A small electric fan? Anything?"

"Wally," said Elaine, "the only thing I want is to get off this ship."

"Oh." Wally looked thoughtful. "Well... do you want to take a shot at flying
then?"

"Flying?" Elaine looked like she might break out laughing. "Why not?" She
came forward and sat down in Wally's seat. She sat down and grasped the
flight yoke, then looked at Guybrush. "Any objections?"

"Go ahead," said Guybrush. "If you're going to be staying with us, you may
as well learn to fly this thing properly. You have got some experience,
right?"

"You'd be surprised," said Elaine. Rapidly, she flicked the throttle to
fifty percent, then rolled inverted. With the ship level, she pulled the
yoke back until they had levelled out, the ship pointed in the exact
opposite direction. There had been almost no g-force at all.

"Great," grumbled Guybrush.

"Wow," breathed Wally. "A perfect split-s! You're a pro, Elaine."

Elaine looked critically at the readouts. "Not bad. You must have serviced
this ship recently."

"We sure have," said Wally. "That was incredible flying. Can you do another
maneuvre?"

Elaine shook her head. "Flying maneuvres in empty space isn't what I'd call
a good use of time." She stood up. "I'm going back to my quarters. See you
later." She walked out of the cockpit. Guybrush heard her boots clank on the
ladder as she climbed down to the second level.

Wally turned to Guybrush. "Boy. She sure is something, isn't she?
Beautiful, smart..."

"You must be thinking of a totally different Elaine," said Guybrush. "I
can't stand her. I don't like stowaways, and this one's irritating."

Wally looked at Guybrush, his face now serious. "Do you..." he started.
When Guybrush wouldn't finish the sentence for him, he continued, "Do you
think she likes me?"

"I don't think she likes either of us," said Guybrush. "Why?"

"I want her to like me," said Wally.

"I don't believe this," said Guybrush. He sighed. "You're really twisted,
Wally."

"I want her to like me," said Wally stubbornly.

Coming next week... a destination


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 44: A planet, and a title

"Listen, Wally," said Guybrush. "You don't want to get tangled up with
Elaine. She's trouble, plain and simple."

Wally barely heard him. "I tried talking to her this morning, but it didn't
go well. She seems upset about something... and I don't know what I can do
to help! Can you help out, Guybrush?"

The use of his full name startled Guybrush out of his flippant stance
somewhat. "Well," he said, "she's upset because she's trapped on this ship
which she has no authority over. You could try letting her order you around
like a common peon, that might make her feel at home again. Or, she was
saying something today about wanting some paper. You could try finding some
of that for her-"

Guybrush suddenly fell silent, because Elaine had re-entered the cockpit.
She looked steadily at them, but there was no indication she'd heard any of
the conversation.

"How's the planetary scan going?" said Elaine.

"The-" Guybrush was confused momentarily, then remembered the probability
estimate Wally was doing. "Oh, yeah. That should be nearly ready now..."

Wally was hitting buttons on the console. "Just bringing it up now, your
highness," he said. Guybrush shot him a sharp glance. "Here it comes..."
Wally paused, reading off the information. "Okay. There's several good
candidates. The nearest is star XY3331, 3.1 light years distant. There's a
98.6% probability of a solar system with at least six planets."

"Sounds good enough to me," said Elaine. "Let's go."

Guybrush looked at her.  His voice rose a little.  "Hang on, wait just-"

"Well, we *are* going there, right?" Wally chimed in. "Where else is
there?"

"Yes, yes, okay," said Guybrush. He sighed, a sigh that somehow conceded
the battle. "I'll set the course, and we'll get there in about sixteen
hours."

"Right," said Elaine. "There was one other thing. We're having a meeting
tonight, in the rec room or whatever you call that dump. 7pm sharp. See you
there." She turned and left.

Guybrush watched her go, pure, uncomplicated hate in his eyes. "She's
starting already," he whispered. He frowned, then turned back to the
controls and began setting the course, feeling uncomfortably like a
servant. When this task was gone, he looked back at Wally.

"*Your highness*?" said Guybrush scornfully.

Wally, to his credit, looked sheepish. "You said I should be all deferent.
Well, I wanted to give her a title, but I couldn't think of any. Madam
sounds really archaic, and I don't like Miss."

"And I really *don't* like 'Your Highness'," said Guybrush. "She's not
royalty."

"Have you got any ideas, then?" said Wally.

Guybrush smiled, humourlessly. "How about Governor? You can call her
Governor Elaine Marley."

Wally brightened. "Yeah. That's good! Governor!"

Guybrush turned, and looked Wally in the eye.

"And you can call me Captain," he said.

Coming next week... the meeting


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 45: The meeting

It was now 7pm.

Guybrush had considered skipping the meeting, just to make a point, but in
the end turned up ten minutes beforehand. Wally was already here. They sat
down at the table and waited.

"Why do we call the bedrooms on this ship 'sleeping quarters'?" wondered
Wally. "There's only three of us."

Elaine entered the room. Her hair was tightly combed, and she still managed
to convey a sense of authority and power in her uniform. She remained
standing. "All right," she said, "I called this meeting because there are
some things we need to discuss."

"Let's hear them," said Guybrush.

"All right. Firstly, the sleeping arrangements. I'd like to convert that
spare room as a bedroom." She looked at Guybrush. "Is this all right?"

Guybrush nodded. He looked at Wally. "Wally? No objections?" Wally likewise
nodded.

"Good," said Elaine. "I realise nobody's really happy with the arrangement.
I don't like sleeping on a couch, you don't want to give up the space, and
Wally-"

Wally blushed.

"It's the best we can do," said Elaine. "Number two: I need clothes. I
didn't ask you this morning, partly because I was dreading the answer and
partly because you were a bit crusty. So... do you guys have any spare
clothes?"

"Yeah, we do," said Guybrush. "They all look like these ones, however. And
I don't think Wally's would fit you."

"They might," said Wally defensively. "Do you want to try them on,
Governor?"

"After the meeting," said Elaine. "Number three: we need to discuss ways of
getting back."

"Okay, that might be fun," said Guybrush. "Wally, any ideas?"

Wally shook his head. "I'm sorry, Elaine. I couldn't think of anything."

"I've had a few thoughts," said Elaine. "I'd like to hear what you think of
them."

"Shoot."

"First one: We put ourselves in suspended animation, and program the ship
to fly us home."

Guybrush was talking even before she finished. "There's a few things wrong
with that. First, we don't have a suspended animation booth. Second, we
don't have enough fuel to travel that distance faster than light."

"You do have sleep-inducing chemicals, though, don't you?" said Elaine.
"We could use those, and build suspended animation booths."

"That doesn't solve the fuel problem," said Guybrush.

"Well, we could fly the journey at below light speed," said Elaine.

"Are you mad?" exclaimed Guybrush. "That'd take more than forty thousand
years!"

"We'd be unconscious," said Wally.

"We'd be dead!" retorted Guybrush. "I'm sorry, but we don't have the
chemicals, we don't have the medical equipment, and we *certainly* don't
have the hermetically-sealed suspended animation booths you'd need to do
something like that. It's not an option."

"Okay, I wasn't holding out much hope on that idea anyway," said Elaine.
"My second idea was that we use the portal stones."

"No," said Guybrush instantly.

"Hey, you can't just say no like that," said Wally. "You haven't even heard
Elaine's plan-" Guybrush glared at him.

"I realise that the chances of returning directly to Earth are
infinitesimal," continued Elaine, "but there's no reason why we can't keep
trying. Maybe we might end up close enough to fly the remaining distance
back."

Guybrush stood up, and rummaged around in a drawer. He came back to the
table holding a pen and a piece of paper. "All right, let's do a
back-of-the-envelope calculation," he said. He began scribbling furiously.
"We're forty thousand light years from earth, so let's say these portal
stones have a range of eighty thousand light years. That could be an
underestimate. Assuming we're full up on fuel - we're not - this ship can
fly fifteen light years at faster-than-light speed. So each time we use the
portal stones, we've got a 0.0000035 percent chance of success. If you
tried it a million times it's still less than 4 percent."

"Those figures can't be right," said Elaine.

"They're in the ballpark. Even if I'm a couple of degrees magnitude out, it
still makes your plan impossible. Also, if we repeatedly use the portal
stones, the net effect will be to drive us further and further from Earth."

Guybrush looked up from his paper. "In any case, I don't trust any figures
in relation to those portal stones. I don't believe their effect is
governed randomly. First time we used the portal stone, it took us to the
Hermit's asteroid, the guy who first discovered these things. If that's
down to plain chance, then I'm a three-headed monkey. Now I find we've been
plonked on the doorstep of what looks like an inhabitable planet. Maybe
these sorts of planets are very common in the galaxy - maybe not. It's too
much of a coincidence."

Elaine seized on his words. "Exactly. The most likely place those portal
stones will send us is back where we came from."

Wally suddenly sat up straight. "Like when we left the Hermit-"

"Wally, it wasn't like that-"

But Elaine had also taken a sudden interest. "Wait, what's this you're
talking about?"

Wally started talking very fast. "Well, when we first used the portal
stone we were in open space, and under attack from Upchuck. It took us to
a hemmed-in part of the asteroid belt, where the Hermit lived. When we'd
repaired the ship and left the Hermit, we shot the portal stone to get out.
And it took us back into open space."

"It didn't return us to the same location," said Guybrush.

"It was in the ballpark," said Wally.

"Probably only because single portal stones have a small range. We've got
*two* portal stones, and it won't work like that..."

"How would you know that?" said Elaine. She'd become very excited. "I say
we use them right now. Can't end up worse off-"

"NO!" shouted Guybrush. He drew out his blaster and pointed it at Elaine.

There was a short period of silence. Elaine said, "You're pointing a
blaster at me."

"Sorry," said Guybrush. "But you were getting a bit too excited there. You
were about to rush off and blast the rocks. Now we're all going to wait
here for a few seconds and calm down, and then I'll tell you why you're
never using those portal stones while I'm on this ship."

Guybrush sat back, keeping the blaster pointed squarely at Elaine. A few
seconds passed before Guybrush put the blaster down - on the table, within
easy reach.

"Now," he began, "let me acquaint you with the hard facts, Elaine. Like I
said, this ship has a range of fifteen light years. At the moment, we're
almost right next to a planet that should be able to supply us with fuel
and water. If we use the portal stones, that won't be the case. They might
send us right out of the galaxy. If we keep using them, that's almost
certain to happen. And just suppose the portal stones choose that moment to
stop working. What happens? We might survive a few months. No longer."

He paused, thinking, then continued. "What I'm trying to say is we can't
take anything for granted. Those portal stones may not work randomly, but
we have no idea how they *do* work. I'm not putting my trust in something
we don't understand. Nobody's shooting those stones, and that's an order."

Coming next week... the meeting concludes


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 46: Mumblings

"And what makes you think we have to obey that order?" said Elaine.
"There's two of us, and only one of you."

This was all getting too much for Wally. He was uneasy at being set against
Guybrush by Elaine, and this situation was getting worse. Guybrush was
looking like he might shoot Elaine at any moment. He wasn't a vicious space
pirate, but he seemed to have forgotten it for the moment.

It took him a lot of courage, but Wally found his voice and spoke up.
"Maybe we should wait until we've landed on this planet. We should at least
see if we can refuel ourselves."

Elaine and Guybrush glared at each other. Elaine was the first to break the
stare. "Okay," she said, turning to Wally, "you're right. We'll postpone
the decision until after we leave the planet."

"As far as I'm concerned, the decision's already been made," said Guybrush.

"We'll see about that," said Elaine. She stood and looked toward the door.
"Wally, you said you had some clothes I could use?"

"Uh, sure!" said Wally, relieved now that they'd backed down from the
confrontation. "In my bedroom..." He rushed out of the room, followed more
sedately by Elaine.

Guybrush stayed seating, motionless, as if posing for a statue named _The
Brooder_. So Elaine couldn't be trusted. Did she still have her blaster?
Guybrush couldn't remember. How many weapons were there on board, anyway?
He would have to check.

Then a new thought entered his head. Had he been unreasonable? At the peak
of their argument, Guybrush had been within seconds of shooting Elaine, he
was sure. If she'd stepped into the doorway, she'd be dead by now. That
wasn't an overreaction, was it? Was it? It occurred to Guybrush that he'd
never done anything remotely like it before. Against Upchuck, maybe.

And at least Elaine was thinking, trying to solve their predicament. What
plan did he have? None, basically. Nothing he could tell the others. All he
had was a vague intuition, an idea that the portal stones could be
controlled, if you had the right knowledge and used the right technique.
But what technique? What knowledge? How could they learn this? The portal
stones had resisted all attempts at analysis.

Lost in thought, it was a long time before Guybrush looked up. The
wall-mounted clock read 9:30. Two hours had passed.

He realised Elaine and Wally hadn't reappeared. Were they still in Wally's
bedroom? What were they doing?

Guybrush shook his head, stood up, and climbed up to the third level.
Wally's door was shut, but he could hear movement behind it. So they were
still in there. Were they... No. He didn't want to know.

Guybrush walked resolutely past, entered his bedroom, and slipped into a
shallow, unsatisfying sleep.

Coming next week... contact


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 47: Down to Surface

The next day, Guybrush was the first into the cockpit. He sat down in the
pilot's seat and began preparing the ship for planetary entry. In front of
them, now a large, gibbous circle in their viewscreen, was the planet. It
was ringed mostly with blue and white, although other, darker shades could
be seen.

Wally came in and sat down beside Guybrush. "Hi, Guybrush," he said. "Just
about ready to land, are we?"

"Yeah," said Guybrush. "Forty minutes away."

"Cool!" said Wally. "Imagine all those landforms - all that unmapped
coastline - and we'll be the first to see it!"

"Say, Wally-"

"Yeah?"

"Did anything happen last night? Between you and Elaine?"

Wally looked at Guybrush, a little warily. "Well," he began. "she came up to
my room and I got all my clothes out. Turns out they were too small. She
says she wants to look at yours sometime - they might be her size. And
then, we just... talked."

"What about?" said Guybrush.

"Oh, all sorts of stuff. I told her a bit about myself, she told me a bit
of her background, and I told her a bit of yours as well."

Guybrush felt his skin go cold. "Did you tell her anything about me and
Upchuck?"

"Oh, sure. I figured she'd probably want to know."

"Right." Guybrush fell silent.

There were footsteps behind them, and suddenly Elaine appeared, still tidy
in her company uniform. "Good morning, guys," she said. "Doesn't anyone eat
breakfast around here? I was all by myself down there."

"Sorry, Governor," said Wally.

"Will you stop calling her that? Yeah, we usually eat breakfast, but this
morning's a little different."

"Oh, the planet landing," said Elaine. "Is that it?" She pointed at the
viewscreen.

"Yep," said Guybrush.

"It's enormous," said Elaine.

"Diameter 1.7 times that of Earth, Governor," said Wally. "Almost three
times as much surface area."

"Is it safe to land?"

"Should be," said Guybrush. "Gravity's a bit high, but the atmosphere is
relatively thin. The visual scanners show most vegetation is green leaved,
so the air should be breathable. According to the infrared, the average
heat down there is sixteen degrees Celsius."

"And it's uninhabited?"

"No spot light or electromagnetic radiation, which means no technology.
There could be wildlife on the planet, but we have no way of knowing that
from here..."

"How long before we land?"

"Not long," said Guybrush.

Coming next week... he's right, you know.


			SPACE PIRATES

Part 48: Down to Surface, pt. 2

The planet before them had grown immensely during this conversation. Now it
completely filled the viewscreen, its curvature barely visible. Guybrush
thought he could already feel the resistance of the outer layers of
atmosphere on Boss Hog's hull.

"Maybe I better pilot us down," said Elaine.

"That won't be necessary," said Guybrush. "All we have to do is plummet and
wait for the retro rockets to fire. Just sit back and enjoy the show."

Licks of pale red were flickering at the edge of the viewscreen.

"These retro rockets..." said Elaine, "are you absolutely sure they'll fire
at the right time?"

"Completely automatic," said Guybrush. "The firing system is linked to the
gravity field and velocity detection systems. We'll land so soft you won't
even feel it."

"Yes, but this ship isn't exactly in mint condition..."

The viewscreen was now tinted a deep red. Boss Hog seemed to have grown an
outer layer of fire. Through the heat they could see masses of grey cloud
and shimmering oceans.

The ship began to shake as the atmosphere grew thicker. Wally, ever
helpful, had done some keyboard punching and now there was just a single
number displayed on the computer readout - their current speed.

"I'm feeling this," said Elaine.

"Turbulence," said Guybrush. "It'll smooth out when we get into the lower
atmosphere. See - velocity's dropping already."

The planet surface was still rushing at them very fast. It was very blue. A
new thought struck Elaine. "We *are* headed for land, aren't we? I'd rather
not have us sinking into the ocean."

They lost visibility at that moment - either they'd hit their first cloud,
or the shield of fire had become opaque. Their speed had dropped to a
thousand kilometres an hour.

"Yes, we're headed for land," said Guybrush, annoyed at all these
questions. "A big wide flat piece of land close to a lake, a forest of some
kind and some pretty little hills. Now stop worrying and shut up."

The opaque mask in front of them faded somewhat, and they could see the
surface clearly. It was a patchwork of gray, green and brown, interspersed
with smooth curves of blue sea. Guybrush was right, they were headed
straight for a flat, unremarkable piece of land.

Wally watched the viewscreen in awe. To imagine they were the first humans
to ever see this world... A whole world that nobody knew about, only
them... Before he could finish one thought, he was on to the next.
Incredible...

Their speed had dropped below 500 km/h. As the surface before them grew,
Guybrush felt like someone examining a specimen through a microscope. Every
layer of magnification brought out new details. Their landing site was
yellow and sandy. To the north was a thick forest - dark and mysterious. A
lake, its surface pale blue, sat somewhere to the southeast. A low, knobbly
mountain range to the west.

Now their speed was below 300 km/h. "Slower than a freefalling human," said
Guybrush.

Elaine wasn't so sanguine. "We're going too fast. We won't pull up in
time..."

The land below seemed close enough to touch. Speed below 100 km/h. Guybrush
could see an upright, almost pyramidical rock jutting out of the sand. They
were going to land right next to it...

"Hold on..." said Elaine.

With their speed at 5 km/h, Boss Hog hit the surface. There was a slight
jarring thud, then they were still.

Elaine looked around, selfconsciously. An anticlimax after all. She looked
out the viewscreen.

They all were. Before them was a vista of sand and vegetation. 

"We're here," said Guybrush.

Coming next week... outside.


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 49: Strange discoveries

A forest of tall, twisted trees, with dark green leaves growing in
irregular clumps, occupied the right hand side of the viewscreen. It
ended, quite abruptly, the ground becoming flat and sandy. The sand was a
pale beige. The sky above an ordinary sky blue. Here and there, faint white
clouds could be seen. Reflections from the sun gave them a faint yellow
tinge. The trees swayed in the breeze.

Wally was the first to move. "Wow," he said, and suddenly bounded up out of
his seat. "Let's get out there!" Without waiting for any agreement, he ran
out of the cockpit, barely glancing at Elaine or Guybrush.

"Well, I guess we might as well get out there," said Guybrush. He stood up.
"Are you coming?"

"You can't just... go out there like that," objected Elaine. "What if the
atmosphere's poisonous?"

"It won't be," said Guybrush. "One, the vegetation is green, hence
photosynthesis. Two, the sky is blue, which means it probably has the same
proportion of gases as the earth's atmosphere."

"But there might be trace elements."

"It's a risk worth taking," said Guybrush. "Why are we talking about this?
I didn't think you'd want to stay on this ship."

"Oh, all right, I'll come," said Elaine. "But you can't just chance your
life like that. What if you were wrong?"

"Then me and Wally will be dead and you'll have control of this ship. I
thought you'd like that."

Elaine growled at him.

Together they left the cockpit and walked to the ladder. They looked up.
Above them was a circle of blue - Wally had opened the hatch and was
already outside.

Guybrush sniffed the air. "Smell anything?" asked Elaine. Guybrush shook
his head. He started climbing. Elaine, reluctantly, followed shortly after.

Shortly, they were out on the top of the ship. Wally had already climbed
down to the surface. He had some complicated equipment in his hands, as
well as a sketchbook and a pencil. He hunched over the equipment,
occasionally turning to furiously scribble something in his sketchbook.

"What's he doing?" asked Elaine.

"Oh, he's just surveying. Poor guy can't help himself."

They both looked around. It soon became clear that they had landed on top
of a plateau of some kind, as the land all around them gradually fell away.
Because of this, and the greater horizon of this planet, it seemed they
could see an incredible amount of terrain. They saw dark, enormous forests,
and regions of rocky desert. Several lakes dotted the landscape, the
closest a few minutes walk away. The vista stirred up the strangest
feelings in Elaine - at first glance it could have been anywhere in Earth,
but concentrate on just one detail and you immediately noticed subtle
differences - like the way the trees were taller and straighter, or the way
the clouds twisted themselves into strange, unfamiliar shapes. She had the
very strong impression that this planet was just another version of Earth,
as if a scientific-minded creator had decided to tweak a few things and see
what happened.

Then she saw movement.

"Look! Over there!" she said urgently. Guybrush followed her pointing
finger. In the air above one of the nearby forests, he saw a whirling pack
of black dots.

"Are those birds?" said Guybrush.

"I don't know. They could be..." Elaine could only stand there and stare.
She willed them to come closer, but they suddenly settled into the forest
and vanished.

"Let's head down," said Guybrush. They slowly took the stairs down to the
ground. Guybrush walked a few steps away, then turned and looked back at
Boss Hog. Strangely, it didn't look all that big. He then turned and went
over to Wally. "So, what have you found out?" he said.

"Nothing much yet, Guybrush," said Wally. "Surveying takes a while - give
me a few hours."

Elaine couldn't get those birds - if that was what they were - out of her
head. She wanted to run over immediately and try to see them - but her fear
of the unknown held her back. She looked into the forest. The nearest trees
were only ten metres away, and very quickly the space between them became
inky black. It should have been home to hundreds of animal species, but
she could see none.

The sudden noise caught them all by surprise.

Coming next week... alone or not?


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 50: React

They all jumped. A loud, roaring yell, like a herd of raging mammoths, had
suddenly burst from a patch of nearby forest. The pack of birds Elaine had
been watching exploded up into the air, wings flapping like mad. The yell
suddenly tapered away, leaving behind faint echoes reverberating around the
landscape. Then, silence.

The flock of birds were coming closer. They could hear their disturbed
chittering, faint but rapidly growing closer. Overhead they flew - the
birds were mostly black, with green and brown splotches, about the size of
an albatross. Later Guybrush would find himself oddly disappointed at how
*normal* they looked. They showed no interest in these strange arrivals or
their ship, and were soon mere specks.

Everyone waited about half a minute before daring to speak or move.
Finally, when it became clear there wasn't going to be any more noise,
Guybrush said, "What the hell was that?"

Elaine shook herself - her limbs felt shaky. "Don't ask me. Whatever it
was, it sounded enormous." She didn't dare take her eyes off the forest,
not with those black, hidden spaces that could house *anything*. She wished
she'd brought her blaster - but it was back in her room. Safe, and useless.

Beside her, Guybrush was moving toward the steps. He started climbing down.
Elaine stared after him with some horror - going down to the surface, after
that sound? Then she shrugged her shoulders, and followed after.

Soon they were all on the ground. Guybrush knelt, and touched the ground.
He stood up. "Ah, this is more like it," he said. "Have any idea what that
was, Wally?"

Wally looked at one of his pieces of equipment. "Whatever it was, it got to
a peak of 124 dB. Audio scanner placed the source as being about six
hundred metres away."

Guybrush whistled. "Wow! That's some animal." He paused for a little,
thinking. "Okay. Here's what I think we should do. Let's all split up and
explore."

Elaine whirled around. Wally's head jerked up.

"*What?*" yelled Elaine. "Split up... after that sound. Are you mad?" Her
eyebrows suddenly narrowed. "Or have you got something else in mind?"

"No, nothing else," said Guybrush easily. "I just thought that we're going
to be stuck with each other for some time to come. We could probably do
with some time alone. Don't want anyone getting cabin fever on my ship.
Look, I'm not stupid. We all heard where that sound came from, so we just
stay away from there. We can't hang around here like a couple of scared
puppies."

"You can say what you want," said Elaine. "I'm not heading into that forest
on my own. And unarmed." She glared suspiciously at Guybrush.

"Well, get your blaster," said Guybrush.

Wally suddenly piped up. "I'll come with you, Governor!"

"See?" said Guybrush. "Take Wally if you want. It'll be like a date."

Wally's eyes lit up. "A date! Yeah!"

Elaine ignored this. "What are you planning?" she said.

Guybrush. "Nothing, I said. Look, I can't stand around debating this all
day. See you back here in three hours." He turned and walked to the forest.
Within seconds he was out of sight.

Elaine watched him go. She didn't believe his talk for a second... Guybrush
was definitely planning something. Maybe he intended to leave her stranded
here. Still, he surely didn't plan to leave Wally behind as well - if she
stayed with him she should be okay.

Elaine turned to Wally. "All right, let's go," she said, starting toward
another part of the forest.

Wally beamed - an expression that spoke volumes. He fell in step proudly
beside her. "Is this really a date?" he asked, stealing a glance up at her
face.

Elaine sighed. "Looks that way, doesn't it?" she said.

Coming next week... two stories.


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 51: An opportunity

Guybrush walked quickly through the rich forestland.

He wasn't going in a straight line. Once out of sight of Elaine and Wally,
he'd begun slowly wheeling around to the left, because he was heading
straight back to the ship.

The trees and plants around him were strange, but not disturbingly so. It
was as if he'd merely stumbled across an hitherto unknown land on Earth.
No wildlife, apart from those birds, which was strange on a planet
apparently uninhabited by humans. Of course, there was that loud noise that
had startled them all earlier... He wasn't really worried about it, but even
so had unconsciously given the area a wide berth.

Shortly he was back at the ship. Guybrush paused at the edge of the
clearing, saw nobody, and darted across to the ship. He climbed the ship,
hands fitting automatically to the steps and rungs. Soon he was inside, and
not even out of breath.

He started walking toward Elaine's room.

The phrase got him moving faster. Elaine's room - how was it possible that
this ... *stowaway* could own a bit of his ship?

Still, it was better than Elaine's *ship*. Which, these days, Boss Hog
looked more and more like becoming...

Guybrush wished he'd spent more time walking around in circles, because he
didn't know what to do. Obviously, the simplest thing to do would be to
shoot Elaine. He'd thought about this quite seriously several times back in
space. But now that the moment was drawing closer, he was having second
thoughts. He remembered the time Upchuck had stolen a ship. Had put his
hand around his on the blaster and shot the pilot. Guybrush hadn't been
able to shoot then, he couldn't shoot now, could he? That would make him no
better than Upchuck.

Still, he would confiscate her blaster, at least. Other measures could wait
for now.

With this in mind, Guybrush came to her room and opened the door.

Once, this had been a secondary storeroom. Some dusty boxes in the corners,
the number depending on how well business was going. The old, bad couch
with its grimy orange and yellow flower pattern. A few odds and ends
elsewhere. Guybrush knew this room like he knew the rest of this ship -
inside out.

He paused in the doorway and noted the changes.

The dust was gone. You didn't need sight to notice that - the smell, or
absence of smell, hit you immediately. The couch was shoved up against one
wall, wrapped in bedsheets. From down in the lower storeroom, Elaine had
taken a chair and a small table.

On the table was a stack of paper, and a pen.

Guybrush wanted to get angry with Elaine for these changes, for messing
around on the one thing he was able to control... but he found he couldn't.

In fact, it looked better in here. It was her room, but it somehow made
him feel at home.

Guybrush looked again at the stack of paper. Wally must have come through
for her. Curious, he came forward and looked at the first page. Writing.

He began to read.

Coming next week... our other two heroes


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 52: Another opportunity

Meanwhile, Elaine and Wally were wandering through the forest. Wally was in
the lead, making measurements with his mapping devices, staring around with
great interest at the surrounding plant life, and keeping up a running
commentary... "We're two thousand feet above sea level, did you know? The
humidity's gone up two percent in the past five minutes! Look at those
clouds - the air mixture must be heavier to support all that water vapour.
There'll probably be a huge storm in the next few hours. See the red tint
in the soil? That's iron oxide..."

Elaine followed behind Wally, keeping her thoughts to herself. These
thoughts were mainly about Guybrush, and his plans. Elaine thought Guybrush
had a very specific plan in mind, which he wasn't sharing with her or
Wally. It was a bad sign, not just the plan, whatever it might be, but the
fact that Guybrush wasn't willing to trust them.

They'd come a fair way from the ship, through mostly thin vegetation and
gently sloping land. It was very quiet. Occasionally you heard bird calls,
but they were the exception. The air was heavy and barely stirred around
them.

Suddenly, they heard a noise like a thunderclap behind them.

They both turned round, slowly.

"See any storms on those instruments of yours, Wally?" said Elaine in a
level voice.

"Um, no... but maybe the weather is more localised on this planet... I
don't know."

Elaine stared back, then turned around. "Let's keep going." The forest was
thinning out further in front of them, as they slowly approached a big
clearing.

This time, they didn't hear anything.

One moment, the clearing was empty. The next - although there may have been
a preceding instant during which a tiny pinprick of a shadow on the grass
exploded into full size - a squat black ship stood there.

The recognition on Elaine's face was immediate.

The shockwave from the landing hit them a split second later, sending them
both sprawling to the ground. Only slowly did they get up, partly because
both of them were hurting in several bruised places, and partly because
they wanted to remain hidden.

This was Marko's ship.

"He followed us here!" whispered Elaine. "How..." And she quickly trailed
off, as the implication sunk in. If Marko had followed them, it meant *he
knew how to use the portal stones*.

They could go home.

But why would he follow them here? Surely not to help them.

"He must want our portal stones," said Wally, who had been thinking along
the same lines as Elaine.

Which meant they weren't saved after all. They were in even greater danger.
Elaine considered several courses of action, but all of them were made
dubious by the fact that they weren't aware of Marko's motives.

Worse, her blaster was still on the ship. As she remembered this, Elaine
pictured Guybrush's gnomic face and snarled. Hopefully something very nasty
was happening to him at the moment...

Coming next week... a wish granted.


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 53: Monkey

Elaine's room had a small triangular window. Normally it was used only for
stargazing, but at the moment Guybrush found the daylight useful as he read
Elaine's journal.

So it wasn't the thunderclap - he barely heard it - that made him raise his
head. What caused this was the shadow that fell across the window at
exactly the same moment.

Guybrush glanced up and saw a wall of moving fur.

He screamed and dropped Elaine's journal. The pages scattered on the floor.

The wall of fur backed away from the window. It was a dark brown colour,
and it wasn't really fur, more... hair, extremely long and thick and matted
hair. As the movement outside his window continued, Guybrush finally
realised what this was.

It was a creature. Some huge creature. Maybe even bigger than his ship.

Guybrush jumped to his feet and bolted out of the room. He pelted upstairs
and into the cockpit. The ship rocked, as if pressed on one side, then
settled again.

Guybrush slid into the pilot's seat. The viewscreen before him was empty.
Then the creature showed itself. It was walking around his ship, looking at
it curiously. It seemed confused.

And Guybrush recognised it. It was a monkey.

This was ridiculous. Adrenaline was flowing through his veins like liquid
electricity and Guybrush wanted to laugh. It wasn't just ridiculous, it was
impossible. What was this, Planet of the Apes or something?

The monkey reached out to his ship and hit it again. This time the blow
carried force. Guybrush rocked around in his seat like a crash test dummy.
The blow was like a slap to his face. It wasn't ridiculous, and it wasn't
impossible. This giant monkey was attacking his ship.

Guybrush hit buttons on the console, starting the engine and dropping the
landing struts. The ship crashed into the ground, which seemed to startle
the monkey. It jumped back, then reached forward with one huge hand - my
god, it was enormous on the viewscreen, coming right for him! - and grasped
the ship. The grip tightened instantly, causing metallic groans and
screeches to reverberate through the ship's hull.

Guybrush pushed the throttle open. The ship jumped forward sluggishly,
reined in by the monkey's grip. Slowly Boss Hog rose... until finally it
broke free, g-force slamming Guybrush into his seat.

He levelled off and looked back down at the ground. The monkey was staring
up at him mournfully - it might be giant but apparently it couldn't fly -
and then vanished.

A split second later, he heard a second thunderclap.

Coming next week... a desperate plan.


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 54: Elaine proves herself

Elaine and Wally crouched down in the bushes, watching the new ship. So
far, it had done nothing.

Elaine didn't know what to do. They couldn't leave the ship - inside was
the only persone who could possibly help them out of this situation.
Likewise they couldn't risk violence against him, and didn't even have the
means to do so. Sabotage it so Marko couldn't take off? She didn't have a
clue how this particular ship worked.

In the end, there was only one thing they could do.

"I'm going to walk up to him," Elaine said to Wally. "Knock on the hatch
and see if he'll talk to us."

Wally stared at her. "But you'll get yourself killed."

"Maybe," admitted Elaine. "Maybe not. Marko would have killed us from the
air if that's what he really wanted to do. I think he wants to talk to
us." She sat up and brushed her hair back. "Here's what you do. I'll walk
up to the ship and, hopefully, get inside. You wait twenty minutes. If
nothing happens by then, run and get Guybrush. If something does happen
before then, well, you know what to do."

She stood up and walked toward the ship. Wally watched her, lying in the
bushes, dumbstruck and heart pounding. She left the forest, into full view
now, and crossed the grass until she was right underneath the ship. No
reaction from within.

Elaine looked up. She didn't see anything resembling a hatchway, so she
tried knocking the metal surface, trying to get the attention of the people
within.

After a few seconds of this, a square hatchway opened in the floor above her.
Marko glared down at her, a blaster in one hand. He looked displeased, but
not especially surprised to see her. "You," he said bluntly. "Get in."

Elaine looked up, shrugged, and leapt. Her hands grasped the edge of the
hatchway. She pulled herself up and into the ship.

She was in the hold. And whereas the hold in Boss Hog was a tiny, eclectic,
scrap-metal-filled dump, this room was sleek and grey and high tech. Banks
and banks of computers lined two walls. There were almost no spare tools or
bits of junk lying around. Just two portal stones.

Elaine looked at Marko. That sour look was still on his face, along with a
couple of bruises she hadn't seen the last time they'd met. One hand was
bandaged. But he wasn't looking at her, and Elaine became aware there was
someone else aboard.

The black-hooded figure chose that moment to step out from behind one of
the portal stones.

He was considerably shorter than Marko, about Wally's height in fact. She
could see his hands - they were thin and unblemished. The rest of him was
hidden by the black cloak he wore. His face was shrouded in shadow.

"I still say we kill her," Marko said. "And him... yeah, where is
Guybrush?" Marko asked Elaine, leaning threateningly over her.

"It doesn't matter much," said the black-hooded figure. "He can't do
anything to us, haven't you worked that out yet? We, or to be more precise
I, hold all the cards. Which is why you've come aboard, isn't it, Elaine?
You can't kill us because you want to know how the portal stones work."

Marko, as if suddenly putting two and two together, searched Elaine for a
weapon.

"He doesn't know," said the black-hooded figure, meaning Marko. "Only I
do."

Marko stepped back, disappointed his search had come up blank. Elaine had
already forgotten him - there was something about the black-hooded figure's
voice...

"You sound familiar," said Elaine. "Do I know you?"

"You might," said the man. He sounded pleased. "Do you recognise - THIS?"
With a sudden, dramatic motion he pulled back his hood. Revealed was an
intense, bookish face, a scalp covered in thin red hair, a small dot of
a nose, and a wide smile.

"Ummm... no," said Elaine. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "I used to be an employee of yours, Elaine.
Worked on Chora Luna. Transferred to Pael right after you lost your first
portal stone. Name was Simon Puschak. Guess you don't remember me."

"Vaguely..." said Elaine.

"It wasn't my real name," said Simon.

"Who are you?"

"I am an alien," said Simon. "And this is my homeworld."

Coming next week... backstory


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 55: Solar System Interlude.

It was the day after the day after the attack.

Pael was a wreck. Upchuck was starting to regret this part of his attack
plan - instead of capturing a large, technologically sophisticated base,
all he had was a lump of metal not much good for anything. Only about
one-tenth of the base was still usable, the hangar and some of the control
rooms. They were currently being used to repair and refuel Upchuck's fleet.

The refugee ships had long since dispersed - some heading to Chora Luna,
others to neutral trading posts. Some were headed for Earth. Upchuck had
left all of them alone, for now. Perhaps they should soon prepare an
assault against Chora Luna, but Upchuck had other things on his mind.

Guybrush. The red rocks. He didn't have either of them.

Upchuck abruptly stopped brooding. A red light was flashing on his desk.
Broqil, the head of his observations team, wanted to speak with him.

"Enter," said Upchuck. A door slid open and Broqil walked in.

Broqil, one of the few of Upchuck's crew who didn't quake with fear in his
presence, wasted no time on niceties. "We've discovered something
important," he said. "Relating to the disappearance of Guybrush's ship."

Upchuck leaned forward. This was what he wanted to hear. "What have you
found?" he said.

"Well, we never would have discovered this at all if it hadn't been for all
the ships around him. I've checked the instrumentation on all seven ships
around Guybrush at the moment of disappearance, and all of them show one
important reading - two seconds before disappearance, radiation at a
wavelength of approximately -31 orders of magnitude was emitted from
Guybrush's ship."

Upchuck nodded. "Go on."

"I examined the data banks of your ship for the time Guybrush vanished in
front of your eyes, and found the same thing. Same wavelength, same
timeframe."

"Why didn't you notice this the first time?" said Upchuck.

"Well," said Broqil, "we assumed it was a cosmic ray. You get those every
second out here. The emission from Guybrush's ship barely showed up against
the background noise. If you didn't know what you were looking for, you'd
never find it. It was this set of observations, outside Pael, that allowed
us to rule out cosmic rays as the cause. The only way all seven craft could
have measured the same radiation is if it had come from Guybrush's ship."

Broqil paused. "The conclusion of the observation team is that every time
these transportation rocks are used, radiation at this wavelength will be
emitted. And for past hour, I've had the computers searching the instrument
data banks, over the period from your first encounter with Guybrush, for any
previously recorded instances of this wavelength."

He smiled. Broqil relished this power: Upchuck was hanging on his every
word. "We found three," he said. "Two were from the same place - a small
unmanned asteroid inside the Arc."

This was all Upchuck needed. Abruptly, he stood.

"Let's go," he said.

Coming next week... I can't tell you yet


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 56: Far Too Much To Sum Up In A Pithy Heading

Simon jumped down through the open hatchway and hit the dirt. He knelt down
and felt the vegetation slowly, reverently with his hands. Marko and Elaine
watched, Elaine slightly bemused, Marko impassive. After about a minute, he
stood up, sighed, and climbed back into the ship. Without a word to either
of them, he led Marko and Elaine into the cockpit. Marko sat down and
prepared for takeoff. Had twenty minutes passed? thought Elaine. She didn't
think so. Wally... you'd better get Guybrush quick, because I haven't a clue
where we're going.

"But how can this be your homeworld?" Elaine asked Simon. "We looked at it
from orbit. No signs of any technology."

"We were a very advanced race," said Simon. "Far more advanced than you. We
didn't use non-degradable materials, and most of our buildings were
actually reinforced by electrical fields. When they came, it didn't take
long before everything was gone."

"Who are *they*?" asked Elaine.

"They were - look, I'll have to pause here a moment. Marko? Are we ready
for takeoff?"

"We are," Marko grunted.

"Okay. Here's what you do. Get up to one hundred metres or so, and head for
whatever hills or mountains you can find. When you get there, slow down.
Look for whatever cave openings you can find - really big ones. At least
twenty metres diameter. They don't have to look like natural caves,
probably because they won't be. Got it?"

"Yeah."

The ship rocked under their feet, and then they were airborne. Simon looked
back at Elaine. "Okay. Let's begin at the start...


They'd found the stones in a steep canyon on an outer moon many millions of
kilometres from their home planet, Yssildron. (Our word for the land, said
Simon). The lone traveller who'd found them - Simon left his name blank,
saying "You'd have trouble with it" - brought them back to Yssildron, and
the study began.

At this point in time, the Ysilldrons were a technologically advanced,
quiescent race. They lived lightly, leaving no lasting structure on the
land. Space travel was, for them, more recreation than anything else.
The arrival of the portal stones was to change all that.

Not that anyone knew this at the start. At first, the mood among the
scientific community was one of genial bemusement, as the portal stones
defied all attempts at scientific study. Then, came the breakthrough. An
energy blast delivered to one of the stones, held in isolation from the
rest, transported a large proportion of the laboratory into orbit around
Yssildron. Fortunately for the scientists inside, the rooms were
completely sealed and they were rescued after a few hours. More importantly,
they immediately knew how these portal stones worked.

It all had to with where the energy blast struck the stone. Imagine a line,
starting in the centre of the stone. Draw it out so that it left the
surface at the exact point where the energy blast had struck. Extrapolate
indefinitely in the same direction - this was where the portal stone would
transport its surrounding material.

This wasn't just a lucky guess on the part of the scientists. The
astronautical navigation systems of Yssildron used polar coordinates,
unlike Earth's Cartesian grid of reference. The operation of the portal
stones fitted their exising mindset like a glove.

More subtleties rapidly followed on the heels of the initial discovery. It
was found that varying the energy of the blast varied the distance the
portal stones would teleport - within certain barriers. It was found that
two portal stones would transport a ship *much*, much further; and here the
calculations were a lot harder, involving the centre of mass of the two
stones.

With this knowledge, the Yssildrons began to roam the galaxy.

And they found other civilisations.

"How many?" asked Elaine. By now they were heading into the hills, the land
below harder and more jagged.

"About two hundred," said Simon. "Including yours."

Elaine could barely believe this. Two hundred planetary civilisations,
just in the *one galaxy*? She'd never look at the night sky the same way
again.

"Yours was nothing special," said Simon.

Those were heady, intoxicating days to be living on Yssildron, as the
boundaries of the known universe, both physical and mental, blew out around
them. There was so much to learn, so many places to go, so much to *do*.
Simon, a pilot of one of the Interplanetary Trader Ships, was in the thick
of the revolution.

"We learnt more in five years than we had in the preceding five thousand,"
Simon. "But we didn't know the most important thing of all. You see, the
portal stones weren't stones."

He looked at Elaine, a look of bitter regret. "They were eggs."

Coming next week... the nature of the catastrophe


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 57: Godzilla the Monkey King

Simon paused, staring into the middle distance. The memories of that day,
even decades hence, were still fresh. The moment when Interplanetary Trader
Ship #4 inexplicably refused to transport... and then the hideous giant
monkey ripping its way out of the hull. He had seen ten of his friends die
before he could even move, devoured by the beast. Later, there had been the
terrible panic, as the Yssildrons swarmed toward their only lifeboats - the
Interplanetary Trader Ships. He had stood behind the barriers and watched
the military gun them down in wave after wave. He remembered the noise of
the crowd: a thing so loud, fierce and bellowing it seemed to belong to a
new kind of creature altogether.

He never did find out what had happened to his parents. No reliable news,
at any rate.

Simon shook his head, and tried to continue the tale. His throat hitched.

He swallowed. Just dispense the facts. Stay calm and composed.

"They were eggs," he repeated. "And when they hatched, they gave birth to
something like a giant monkey."

Elaine stifled a laugh. "What?"

"Yes," he snapped. "They were impervious to all energy blasts: as with the
portal stones. They could teleport anywhere: just like the portal stones,
only they had conscious control. And they were not partial to us. In less
than a month, they destroyed all intelligent life on Yssildron. Everyone I
knew and cared about." He flung his hands up helplessly.

An uncomfortable silence lapsed between them. Elaine wasn't sure how to
break it, but she had to know more. "How many eggs were there?" she finally
asked.

"We found twelve portal stones," said Simon. He closed his eyes. "At the
time of... at that time, we had six. Four were in transit to somewhere else,
two were on loan to other civilisations. And after the first monkey
appeared, the second and third soon birthed themselves. We'd never known it,
but each burst of energy delivered to those eggs brought them a step closer
to hatching. You'd fire a blast into them and they'd explode in front of
your eyes."

Elaine brought a hand to her mouth as she thought of the portal stones on
Boss Hog. How close were they to hatching? How many journeys through space?
"You mean our portal stones might hatch into these... monkeys?" she said.

Simon opened his eyes and glared at her. "You just don't get it, do you,
Elaine? Don't you see the implications? *Our solar system wasn't the only
one to be seeded with portal stones*. Yours has been. Others have too. In
fact, I'm willing to bet that somewhere in every inhabited solar system
you'll be able to find a clutch of a dozen portal stones. And we're not the
only ones to have found out how they work. You don't know it, but the
galaxy is dying around us, even as we speak."

This was all going by too fast for Elaine. "Wait, seeded? Are you saying some
kind of higher intelligence planted these things throughout the galaxy?"

Simon nodded. "Yes. And when I escaped from Yssildron, I found out who she
was."

Coming next week... where's Buck Rogers when you need him?


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 58: Off to the Rescue

Boss Hog was motionless, fifty feet above the ground.

It had been five minutes since the disappearance of the monkey, but
Guybrush was taking no chances. It could teleport back at any moment.

How could it do that, anyway? Guybrush suddenly thought of the portal
stones.

Beeping on the radarscope; there was movement below. Guybrush looked
through the viewscreen. He saw Wally running across the ground, wildly
looking around for any sign of Boss Hog.

Instantly Guybrush brought the ship down. It crashed into the ground,
sending a shock through Guybrush's spine. He waited.

Soon Wally came pelting in, his eyes wide, breath ragged. "The Governor's
been kidnapped!" he yelled.

"What?!" said Guybrush.

"You've gotta get back there, Marko's got her!"

"MARKO?! How did he get here?"

"No time!" Wally ran past Guybrush and jumped into the copilot seat.
Displaying even less regard than Guybrush for the laws of gravity, he took
off like a shot from a pistol. Guybrush grabbed the pilot chair for
support. Wally levelled out and sent them zooming flat across the land. He
started punching buttons furiously, expanding the radarscope view and
bringing in extra parameters.

Guybrush slowly regained his balance and slid into the pilot's seat.

"There they are!" shouted Wally, pointing at a blip on the radarscope. He
pushed Boss Hog harder. The engines growled beneath them. Wally typed
furiously into the console.

Unexpectedly, he sat back. "I've set Boss Hog to autopilot," he explained.
"It's following them automatically. They're going fairly slowly; we should
catch them. Say, what were you doing in the air anyway?"

"I was attacked by a giant monkey," said Guybrush. "That teleports."

"WHAT?!"


"She?" said Elaine.

Simon stared into the middle distance. For the moment he seemed to have
forgotten her. "I had a chance to kill her. Stop all this.
She was right in front of me... But I was stupid. Ignorant. I failed."

He looked at Elaine, his eyes gentle. "I won't fail again."

"Who's she?" Elaine repeated.

"One stone takes you anywhere in the solar system," said Simon, zoning out
again. "Two anywhere in the galaxy. Three anywhere in the Universe - you
won't believe the things I've seen. Four takes you straight to her."

Another silence fell, this one only broken by the steady blip-blip of the
radarscope.

"Uh, Simon," Marko spoke up. "We're being followed."

Instantly Simon snapped back to reality. "Hey?" he said, crossing the floor
to look at the radarscope.

"Must be Guybrush," said Marko.

"Yes, I rather imagine it is," said Simon. "Well, he's nothing to worry
about. He might even turn out to be useful."

He looked out the viewscreen. Below them, weathered granite thrust up from
the ground in irregular lumps, like a rug thrown over spiky grass. The land
was rising beneath them. "This is the territory we're looking for," said
Simon. "Keep your eyes peeled."

But there was no need; they all saw it at the same time.

Not far ahead of them, the granite suddenly thrust upward almost
vertically, creating a scraggy clifface more than two hundred feet high.
Near the bottom was an enormous gaping hole in the rock. It was at least
fifty feet high, and smooth and sinuous - as if it had been carved out by
termites.

"This is it," said Simon.

Coming next week... into the lair


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 59: In?

Guybrush had just finished telling Wally the whole story. "You didn't see
anything like that?" he asked.

"Not at all," said Wally. And he told Guybrush what had happened to him and
Elaine.

Guybrush didn't know what to make of it. "She actually went in there and
talked to them? Doesn't sound smart." He fiddled with some of Boss Hog's
controls, not doing anything.

"How else are we going to find out how the portal stones work?" said Wally.
He'd jumped out of his chair and was now pacing the floor. "I'll bet the
monkey you saw is connected to the portal stones."

"How?"

"Who knows?"

The terrain flew underneath them in a blur. Guybrush fiddled. Wally paced.
Guybrush suddenly spoke up. "Where'd you find the paper?" he asked.

"There was a stack down in the hold," said Wally. He stopped, and darted
forward, staring at the radarscope. "They've stopped moving!"

Guybrush armed Boss Hog's weapons as Wally slipped into the copilot's seat
beside him. The ground was beginning to rise and fall steeply beneath
them as they flew into the mountain range. "Ready?" said Guybrush.

The radarscope blip vanished.

"What?" said Guybrush. "Where'd they go?" He hit the radarscope screen, but
it remained blank. "Have they gone?"

"Better be prepared for anything," said Wally.

They were coming to a looming wall of craggy stone, several hundred feet
high. Guybrush started slowing down. The vegetation had thinned out beneath
them, and there was absolutely no sign of any spacecraft, even a sleek
black one like they'd seen on Pael.

One feature stood out; an almost round, pitch black cave opening. Slightly
in front of it there was a patch of colour on the rocks. As they flew
closer, the patch resolved itself. It was a body, crumpled flat on the rocks.

Elaine.

Guybrush screamed forward, hitting the brakes at the last second. Boss Hog,
plunging at suicidal speed toward the cliff face, leaned backward with the
effort of holding in momentum. The landing struts hit stone. Somehow, they
skidded to a stop.

Immediately Guybrush and Wally leapt from their seats. They ran down the
corridor, scrambled up the ladder, and down the outer edge of Boss Hog.
Guybrush leapt to earth and ran toward Elaine.

She was lying flat on her back, eyes closed, arms spreadeagled. Guybrush
couldn't see any injuries. He held an ear over her mouth, watched her chest
rise and fall, and pulled back one eyelid.

"The Governor's unconscious," said Wally. "We've got to get her back on
board."

"Okay, okay," said Guybrush. After several abortive attempts to pull her
along the ground, he finally managed to get her into a fireman's lift. With
her limp body hanging over his shoulder, Guybrush staggered up the ladder
and into Boss Hog.

"Where should we put her?" he said, once they were inside.

"We don't know what's happened to her yet," said Wally. "Better not leave
her alone."

"Marko might attack at any minute," Guybrush pointed out.

They were silent.

"The cockpit," they said in unison. They entered the cockpit, Guybrush
laying Elaine's body gingerly on the metal floor behind the pilot's chair.
He sat down.

They looked at the open cave mouth. "They must have gone inside," said
Guybrush

"Do we go in?" asked Wally.

Guybrush looked back at Elaine. If only she could tell them what was going
on...

"Yes," he said.

Coming next week... another time into the lair


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 60: Underground

Moving slowly, they entered the cave. The walls were smooth and rounded
around them, but irregular - as if a giant gopher had been chewing through
stone. There were no other features, and no sign of any bats or
cave-dwelling animals.

"Anything moving?" asked Guybrush. They were sounding out the dimensions of
the caves around them, using a computer projection rather than their actual
surroundings to navigate. If anything nearby were moving, they'd pick
it up in a second.

Of course, nothing was. Wally didn't even have to speak. He sat and watched
the data stream in.

"Well, I'm going a bit faster then," said Guybrush. "Can't stand this slow
creeping in business." He pushed the throttle forward. Immediately the
cavern walls around them, glowing red from Boss Hog's external lighting,
blurred as they jumped forward. Guybrush felt his pulse pick up as
adrenaline entered his system.

Still, he felt uneasy. It wasn't so much that they might be entering a trap
- and it was a most unusually baited one, should that be the case. No, this
was just somewhere where they *shouldn't be*. They were trespassing.

They flew on, and on. It seemed to Guybrush that they'd been flying through
this tunnel for more than a quarter of an hour. Down through this monotonous,
randomly twisting, uniform tunnel. It seemed to Guybrush he could feel the
oppressive weight of all the stone above them. How far underground were
they?

More minutes passed. "We've flown fifty miles!" exclaimed Wally.

"WHAT?"

Before Wally could reply, they heard stirring noises behind them.

Elaine stood up, one hand rubbing her head. "Ohhh... ow that hurts."

"You're all right!" said Wally and Guybrush.

"I think so," said Elaine. "My head feels like someone's driven a spike
through it, and my back's all sore. What on earth did you leave me on that
metal floor for?"

"We couldn't risk leaving you alone," said Guybrush. "We didn't know what
they'd done to you."

"Well, you could at least have dragged a mattress in here or something,"
said Elaine.

"Err..." said Wally.

"Look, I think this can wait for another time," said Guybrush.

Elaine looked up. She saw the tunnel around them. "You flew into the
tunnel?" she said.

"Yeah," said Guybrush. "Like flying around inside a giant hose. You
wouldn't have any idea how long this thing is, would you?"

"I think," said Elaine slowly, "this is a very bad idea..."

Before she managed to get to the end of her sentence, though, the tunnel
walls suddenly vanished.

Boss Hog burst into a huge circular ampitheatre whose walls - indeed, it
seemed the very air - glowed with a light blue phospherence. They were pulled
up short by the sheer scale of the place. It was as if someone had built the
Coliseum entirely underground. Other tunnel mouths opened on the ampitheatre:
their dark circular holes dotted the roof and walls in a honeycomb lattice.

And yet, there was only one thing here.

One thing, repeated more times than any of them could count.

Portal stones. Covering the whole floor. Even in this rarified blue
atmosphere, Guybrush recognised their size and red ochre hue immediately.
And yet, seeing them in this new context, another interpretation occurred
to him.

"They look like eggs," said Guybrush.

Elaine grabbed his shoulder. "They are."

There was no warning.

At that instant a giant monkey materialised in the air right before them.

Coming next week... new data


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 61: Something Vanishes

Guybrush seized the weapons controls. Elaine read his intent instantly.
"No-" was all she had time to shout before Guybrush shot a single red pulse
of energy right into the heart of the egg plain.

There was no preliminary. The entire cavern instantly flooded with burning
red light, causing all three inside Boss Hog to shout out and drop to the
floor.

It was a minute before Guybrush risked opening one eye a tiny fraction. No
light. He opened it a little more, then raised himself up off the ground.

"What happened?" asked Elaine.

"See for yourself," said Guybrush.

Elaine and Wally stood beside him. The monkey had gone. The eggs had gone.
The whole cavern had gone. They floated in empty space.

"Oh, no," moaned Elaine. "What have you done now, Guybrush?"

"Hang on, I don't think things are that bad..." said Guybrush.

"NOT THAT BAD?!? For all we know we could be in another Universe! Didn't
you have any idea what you were doing?"

"Not much time for anything else," said Guybrush. "Besides, these stars
look familiar."

"Well, whoop-de-doo!"

While this debate was going on, Wally was at the computer console, typing
madly. "Hang on a sec, guys," he said. "Here. According to the computer,
we're still in the same spot."

Guybrush and Elaine looked at each other.

"We haven't moved any," Wally clarified.

Guybrush relaxed. "Well, I guess that's a start. At least we're not any
worse off." He peered around. "That blast must have blown up the whole
planet or something."

"Simon won't be happy," said Elaine, unable to resist a small chuckle - not
at Simon's misfortune, but because life suddenly seemed very good again.

"Who?" said Guybrush and Wally.

"Uh, nevermind," said Elaine. "But there's something you two ought to
know." She looked at them, at their hopeful, expectant faces, savouring a
moment she knew might never happen again. "I know how to use the portal
stones. We can go home."

Guybrush and Wally stood dumbstruck. Then they shouted out. All three of
them shouted and danced about in the cockpit, capering with glee.


Sometime later, when everybody had calmed down and the effects of the
synthathol had worn off, Elaine recounted her story.

"So that's how it works," said Guybrush.

Wally was bouncing around with excitement. "We could make that work," he
said. "If I... if..." He suddenly ran out of the rec room and down to the
storeroom.

"Why'd they knock you out and dump at the mouth of the cave?" asked
Guybrush.

"I think they wanted something to occupy any teleporting monkeys nearby,"
said Elaine. "Luckily, you showed up first."

"Well... yeah." Guybrush grinned. "How do you feel about returning home?"

"I'll be a lot happier once I'm back, believe me," said Elaine. "I've
barely been able to sleep for worrying about Chora Luna. I mean, Upchuck
isn't going to go after it too, is he?"

"Yeah, but isn't there some small regret, too?" asked Guybrush. "Here we
are, further from Earth than any human's ever been, the galaxy at our feet.
We could explore the Universe, all on our own."

"Do you really want to do that?" asked Elaine.

"Uh... no," admitted Guybrush. "I think it'd get boring very quickly. Give
me the pirating life any day." A thought struck him. "Say, didn't you
mention something about some 'she'?"

"That's right," said Elaine. "Simon seemed to think some woman had seeded
his solar system, as well as ours, and probably every one in the Universe,
with portal stones. Even said he'd met her at some stage, but that was all
I got out of him."

"Well, I guess than if the monkeys were some sort of naturally evolving
lifeform - if they were, they'd probably wipe out everything in the
Universe sooner or later. I know the top of the food chain when I see it.
No, this way it looks more like some incredibly vengeful terrorist attack.
Against every living creature that ever existed."

"Whoever did it certainly meant to do damage," mused Elaine. "The portal
stones weren't placed on inhabited planets, they were all hidden on outer
moons or satellites. That way, they'd only be discovered by civilisations
with space-going capabilities - and the capabilities to spread the portal
stones further."

"But who's she?" asked Guybrush.

Coming next week... The Voodoo Lady



                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 62: The Voodoo Lady

She looked up into the sky, squinting. Located the sun, a glaring white
ball of flame toasting her skin. They were gone, the only two people on
this world she loved or even remotely cared about. But she wouldn't let
herself think about that. She stared unflinchingly into the sun as the
minutes slipped by, her mind perfectly blank. And when the colours reversed
and the sun was like a black disc burned onto her retina, she felt able to
look at the landscape around her.

They were gone. There was no dodging this fact. She had been abandoned. But
the landscape around her had come to life. The bushes around her exploded
with pulsing rainbow colour. Tangerine and maroon birds swooped overhead. A
stream burbled close by, its lime-green water glistening and churning in
the sunlight.

She laughed at these sights, loved them all. Here there were no angry
accusatory stares, no physical abuse, no whisperings of black magic. Here
was a place she could be herself.

She ran for the stream, pushing her small body through the fiery foliage.
She reached the bank and plunged her head into the water. The green murky
water whispered in her ears, promised her power, promised her retribution.
And when she looked up she saw the monkey.

It stood on the opposite bank, hunched over, long arms trailing on the
ground, staring mournfully at her. To her light-bedazzled eyes it shone
with orange light, like a heavenly vision. The glow beat in time with her
heartbeat. The monkey beckoned to her with one finger, and she understood.
He was offering her friendship. Here, for the first time in her life, was
someone she could treat as an equal.

She ran across the stream, ignoring the darting sunnalfish by her feet, and
hugged the monkey tightly. It ooked and grinned. And together they walked
away, into the balana forest. She thought of her parents. She knew they'd
been under pressure to abandon her, even destroy her, for many years. At
first everyone had adored this little child genius. But then she'd become
too smart, had shown them things they hadn't wanted to see. The population
turned, became angry; then violent. She'd moved houses twenty times in the
past year.

The light-bedazzlement was wearing off, and colours returning to normal.
Her heart hardened. No, her parents were not blameless. They were as bad as
the rest - bad as all the rest.

And they, like everyone else, would pay.

Coming next week... the preliminary apparatus.


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 63: Trials and Errors

Wally had been very busy while Guybrush and Elaine talked. When they came
down only half an hour later, he'd already assembled everything. He stood
in front of his apparatus, just bursting with the urge to explain
everything.

"Okay Wally," said Guybrush. "Show us what you've done."

"Thank you," said Wally. "Least important things first. These chocks I've
welded on the floor keep the portal stones in place. Very important.
Otherwise I'd have to recalibrate the whole device.

"Now, look up. See that blaster in the roof? I've rigged it so that it
shoots directly for the centre of mass of the portal stones. Pretty easy to
calculate. The firing mechanism is wired up to this red button on the wall,
and also one in the cockpit. Now you can't really see this, but I've also
programmed the position of the stones and the blaster into our navigation
computers. All we have to do is rotate our ship in the right direction, and
activate the blaster when we're pointing the right way."

He walked up the stairs. "Follow me." They came to the cockpit. Wally sat
down in the copilot seat and brought up a display on the viewscreen. One
half showed a wireframe Boss Hog. The other was taken up with what seemed a
totally meaningless spatter of white dots, together with two thin red lines
and a tiny red circle. Wally nudged the flight stick, and with that faint
lurch he always got when Guybrush turned Boss Hog, they slowly rotated in
position - Boss Hog's artificial gravity systems could be a little laggy.

The displays on Wally's viewscreen rotated as they did, and Elaine saw a
yellow dot swing into view. The red circle closed around it.

"That's Sol," explained Wally. "I highlighted it for you, Governor."

"And the red circle?" asked Elaine.

"Our error bounds," said Wally. "About 1 billion kilometres radius. I can't
really make a precise system, and certainly not on this ship."

"I see the Sun's inside the circle. Does that mean we could shoot ourself
into it?"

"I guess," said Wally. "That's so unlikely it's not worth worrying about.
So, shall we do it?"

"What," started Guybrush, "you mean, right now?"

"Don't see why not." said Wally, one finger hovering above a red button -
identical to the one in the storeroom - on the console.

"You know," said Guybrush thoughtfully, "we still don't know how we ended
up at Herman's asteroid. Or how we ended up meeting Simon and Marko..." He
trailed off.

"Press it," said Elaine.

Wally pressed the button.


Boss Hog vanished.


They were back. Guybrush knew it instantly, just as he'd known that they'd
left. Because the stars were back, that black carpet of sprinkled light
he'd grown to know and love. Everything was familiar again.

"We're back," he said.

Elaine seemed barely able to stand. "I... I think I'm going to cry."

Wally, all business, tapped away on the console. "Okay, we're back, but
pretty far out. Somewhere near Neptune, actually. It'll probably take us a
few days to get back to civilisation." He suddenly brightened up and danced
out of his chair. "It worked! We're back!"

Guybrush checked his watch. "I know this might sound anticlimactic," he
said, "but I think it's time we all went to bed. I know I'm exhausted."

"All right, but I get dibs on the shower," said Elaine.

Coming next week...  Conversation.


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 64: Resolve

Sometime later, Guybrush and Elaine were sitting in the rec room, both
changed back into their normal clothes after their shower. Wally was taking
his at the moment; they could hear the faint hiss of the water jetting out.

"We'll have to retrieve those portal stones, you know," said Elaine. "I'm
willing to help you, if you need it."

"Are you sure?" said Guybrush. "You've got Chora Luna and Upchuck to worry
about."

"Maybe I do, but this is more important," said Elaine. "I couldn't stand
the thought of those creatures running amok on Earth."

"Well, we could certainly use your help," said Guybrush. "Thanks."

Elaine looked at him, a little sly. "Guybrush Threepwood, I can't help
noticing that you've been a lot less hostile to me these last few hours.
What brought this on?"

Guybrush hesitated. "Uh... I read your journal."

Elaine's gaze hardened. "You read my journal," she said harshly. "Okay.
Fine. What's so great about my journal?"

"I don't know," said Guybrush. "I just read it and it seemed to speak to me
a little, like there was someone inside the pages who could communicate
with me. And then Wally came in and said you'd been kidnapped, and I knew I
had to go rescue you. And it's hard to go on hating someone in a situation
like that."

Elaine's gaze had softened again. "Okay," she said. "I'll forgive you. Just
this once."

Guybrush mumbled something in return - he was still very uncomfortable -
then, just to get onto a safer topic, he asked: "So what got you into
space, then?"

"My father," said Elaine. "He was very rich. More importantly, he was
powerful. Getting into space was my own idea, but it was his backing that
made it happen. I'm sort of - his protege. You don't know the kind of
pressure that puts on me. I've spent the last years working so hard, not
just to turn a profit, but to finally be independent of him. I might have
made it, too, if Pael were still around. But it isn't." She sighed. "Let's
not talk about all that. I want to know something. Why are you still a
pirate?"

Guybrush started to speak, but stopped. The words were clamming up inside
his throat. There was so much he wanted to say! He looked at Elaine, and
suddenly it seemed entirely natural to get off his chair and sit beside her
on the couch.

"I've read your file," continued Elaine idly, looking at one of his ears.
"A loner even by pirate standards. Only attacks other pirates. Can cause
enormous strategic advantage. You know, Wally told me everything about you
and Upchuck that first night. Why continue in his footsteps?"

"To erase them," said Guybrush. "That's all I've been doing these past few
years - trying to erase his memory. I can't go back home because being with
my parents is like having him in the room. I couldn't join up with any
other independent pirates because they all thought of me as Upchuck's right
hand man. The remnants of Upchuck's fleet would have shot me on sight; a
few tried to. But I still had the skills, and there didn't seem to be any
alternative way to live my life, so I went into business on my own.

"And I learned to like solitude, valued the freedom I enjoyed, the
reputation I'd made. But just recently, I've learned how wrong I was. My
freedom was nothing more than a prison without bars, solitude merely a
corruption of my soul, reputation something ephemeral and worthless.

"That's why I took on Wally. The years of solitude had healed me of
Upchuck's scars, and I was ready to rejoin humanity. And it's why-" oh yes
he was just realising this now "-why I want you to stay around."

His hand, moving with a mind of its own, reached up and stroked Elaine's
hair.

He saw her smile, as she half-closed her eyes and leaned her head against
his hand. And with no more thought than if he were climbing a set of
stairs, Guybrush leaned toward her.

His lips were moistening as he leaned closer and this was right this was
very very right and she was responding, her head leaning forward and her
lips tilting toward his and he could feel her warm breath blowing over his
face her hair was in his hair and their lips were touching and connecting
and they kissed.

Coming next week... imagine that!


                        SPACE PIRATES

Part 65: Persuasion Tactics

Guybrush woke.

He felt the mattress beneath him, saw the room around him plain and bare.
The clock said 6:20 AM.

Just a dream. "Just when it was getting to the good part," Guybrush
grumbled.

What *had* happened last night? As far as he could remember, they'd
showered and gone to bed. No talk, which was strange. you'd think they'd
have been bursting to tell each other all the things they'd do when they
got back, all the things they'd missed. But apparently each of them had
their own worries to think about.

Half of Guybrush's brain pondered this. The other half was concentrating on
something even more uncomfortable.

He was starting to like Elaine. There was no longer any denying it. When
she'd been kidnapped on that alien planet, he'd felt the stirrings of
alarm. When he'd seen her unconscious body, he'd felt rage and fear. When
she came to, he'd felt relief. And when he'd read her journal... well, he
didn't know what he'd felt. This dream was just confirmation of his growing
feelings for her.

But would he continue to just like her... or would it turn into something
more?

That was the question, wasn't it?

One thing, at least, was clear: for the time being, at least, Elaine had to
stay.


A few hours later, everyone was in the rec room, eating breakfast.  The
prospect of a return to the Solar System seemed to have improved their
appetites, for everyone's plate was fully laden.

"Okay, everyone," said Guybrush as they put away the last bites of food. "I
think it's time for another meeting."

"Sure," said Wally.

"First thing. Elaine... I'm not sure how to say this... I think you should
stay with us for the moment."

Elaine looked at him, smile half-formed on her lips. "What? Why?"

"Because we're going after those portal stones," said Guybrush. "We'll need
your help."

"You mean where I got those two portal stones? I can just tell you that."

"That won't be enough," said Guybrush. "Look, this is not going to be easy.
We've got to locate twelve mythical red stones, all of them probably
heavily guarded, and we're just two guys in a crap ship."

Elaine looked at Guybrush strangely: she'd never heard him bagging his ship
before.

"It's too big a job for us alone," continued Guybrush. "What we need is
someone with power and influence. Like you. Right, Wally?"

"That's right," said Wally. He grinned earnestly at Elaine.

Elaine shifted in her seat. "Look, I appreciate the offer," she said,
somewhat insincerely. "But I really have to get back to Chora Luna. With
Pael out of the way Upchuck is bound to be going after it next."

Guybrush looked thoughtful. "Okay. What if I told you that Chora Luna will
be in no danger in the immediate future?"

"I'd ask you how the hell you knew that," said Elaine.

"Good point. I've been thinking about Upchuck recently. I think I know why
he attacked Pael. One, he wanted me."

"Too much of a coincidence for him to be attacking only an hour after we
showed up," said Wally.

"Right. Two, he wanted our portal stone."

"But we made it out of there alive," said Wally. "With yours as well."

Guybrush nodded. "Upchuck left empty-handed. Which means he probably
doesn't have a portal stone yet - but he's on the lookout."

Elaine shook her head. "I... no. You're not convincing me, I'm afraid.
I'm heading back to civilisation and that's that. In any case, Upchuck got
my portal stone on Chora Luna, so you're wrong."

"But Marko led the assault, right?" said Guybrush.

"Right," said Elaine.

"With Upchuck's backing. And a few weeks later he turns up in Pael,
freelance. I think Marko doublecrossed Upchuck. Made it out of there with
one portal stone. He must have found another earlier, so he could end up
here.

"But that explains Upchuck's actions. First I disappear from under his nose
with a portal stone, then Marko, his second-in-command, does virtually the
same thing. Upchuck wasn't going to take any chances the next time around.
When I showed up on Pael, he hit it with everything he had."

Elaine grimaced. "He demolished my base just to get one portal stone. Bit
of an overreaction."

"Entirely in character for him," said Guybrush. "I don't want to imagine
what he might do if he ended up with a portal stone... and learnt how to
use it."

He looked at Elaine, and this time there could be no mistaking the pleading
tone in his voice. "Time's running out. You could go back to Chora Luna,
fortify your defences, prepare for Upchuck... but he's going to be out
there a long time. Those portal stones won't be. Sooner or later one's
going to transform. Maybe it'll be on Earth at the time.

"Are you going to help us?"

The silence dragged out a long time.

"Yes," said Elaine. "Provisionally."

Coming next week... red hot planning action